goodkitty

I have to vent, hopefully gently, and I know this isn't a new issue here on SR but here I go and please forgive me in advance for not being original.

WHY on earth do people bug you to drink when you aren't drinking? I have been sober since Oct 3, 2014, not very long, but long enough for me to start to have an inkling about sober life. WHY do people not just leave well enough alone when you say "no thank you" to the offer of a drink. Why do they ask, "well are you ever gonna drink again?" Why do they feel the need to say "are you sure you don't want a glass of wine?" And these aren't random strangers...they are friends and family who should flipping well know that me NOT drinking might be a GOOD thing.

If someone isn't drinking, just leave them be....let them enjoy their glass of water...or coffee....or soda. AGGGHHH drives me nuts.

Thank you for listening to what most certainly turned into a rant of sorts.

Saskia

It's ok to be annoyed by that, Goodkitty. This is a good place to let off steam. I've had one person do that to me - my sister. I now think she thinks she is being the perfect hostess and she clearly doesn't have a clue about what it is like to be an alcoholic. I don't think she ever will. So I avoid her as much as I can. Trying to explain doesn't work because they haven't been in our shoes.

ScottFromWI

It's a pretty common frustration goodkitty so don't feel alone. Having said that, these people don't and won't ever understand what it means to be an alcoholic. We have a hard enough time understanding it ourselves.

Another think that is sometimes very difficult in early sobriety is that you may need to change the people you spend time with and the places you hang out. If you have someone that repeatedly doesn't respect your decision they may not be someone you need to associate with anymore. Many of my "friends" were really just drinking buddies...and once I quit drinking we literally had nothing in common anymore.

Setting boundaries is very important and also difficult...but it's part of the process.

doggonecarl

Guess that would be aggravating. But I don't know. In over five years sober I haven't had one person do that do me. Not one.

If it's happening that often to you, it begs the question...why are you putting yourself in situation where alcohol and drinking in prevalent enough where people are pushing it on you?

gettingsmarter

I've noticed that drunk people forget that you just told them you don't drink

Resetti

I had this happen to me for a while, then I realised most my friends are heavy drinkers. Of course it bothers them I'm not drinking, if they are drinking a similar amount to me and I say I've quit because I had a problem, by extension I'm saying they have a problem. Me drinking with them reassures them everything is fine.

Friend Of Bill

I don't know if you're in the Fellowship when might be a good idea that she reads chapter 3 or family afterwards she may get an idea that we suffer from a physical allergy and a mental obsession once we start to drink and develop that phenomenon we don't even think about the consequences and until we can obtain a psychic change there's always that clear mental state it surrounds the first drink that paralleled with our sound reasoning comes that insane idea of one more I've also learned in my own experience like it says on page 101 the more we resist something the more it persists if we take the steps in order and practice steps 10 11 and 12 daily the problem will be removed sanity will be returned we discover one day at a time

dwtbd

Some of what doggonecarl said, if being in those situations is uncomfortable avoid them, and a little of being married for over 20 yrs and still my spouse asks if I'd like some chips with my sandwich, I don't like chips, it's kind of a reflex.And alot too of venting, goodonya, keep truckin

Soberwolf

This 5000%

DoubleFelix

Hi goodkitty, sorry to hear this happened but glad you shared! I've had friends do this too. I've found they generally either a.) didn't really "get it" yet or b.) have problems with drinking themselves and are in denial. I think the first can be dealt with over time if loved ones learn more about alcoholism and see that we're serious about our sobriety. I dunno how much can be done for the second scenario though. I think you just have to maintain your boundaries and take as much space as you want/need. Remember: "No." is a complete sentence.

Fly N Buy

Relieves them of their guilt - same people who say "oh you don't need to diet!"
I think it's their own level of sickness that wants to drag others down.

goodkitty

Well family dinners and events won't ever be written out of my life. So its likely just gonna take people time to adjust. Doesn't make it any less annoying.