For me do public meetings equal career suicide?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: CO
Posts: 42
For me do public meetings equal career suicide?
So here's my dilema. I have read over all the literature about AA and need to do something, anything, to help me quit drinking. I am ready to admit I am an alcoholic and go to my first meeting. BUT I live in a relatively small town and there are no neighboring towns nearby. I have worked in the school district as a teacher's aide and sub for many years and I plan to look for a teaching job as soon as my kids (currently 3 and 1) get a little older. I have been able to keep my drinking issues pretty private and I think most other teachers would be shocked if they knew the truth.
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by tara8888 
So here's my dilema. I have read over all the literature about AA and need to do something, anything, to help me quit drinking. I am ready to admit I am an alcoholic and go to my first meeting. BUT I live in a relatively small town and there are no neighboring towns nearby. I have worked in the school district as a teacher's aide and sub for many years and I plan to look for a teaching job as soon as my kids (currently 3 and 1) get a little older. I have been able to keep my drinking issues pretty private and I think most other teachers would be shocked if they knew the truth.
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by tara8888
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
The other point I'd like to make is ... What school would hire a practicing alcoholic? What are the chances of staying sober and getting better without AA especially in a small town
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Personally, I do think that there is discrimination against alcoholics. People tend to see us as stereotypes, unfortunately. So, I am very careful who I talk to about my alcoholism.
AA may work for you, but do remember that it's not the only way to recover. There is also SMART and AVRT, plus many people here on our boards who use SR as their lifeline (me included).
AA may work for you, but do remember that it's not the only way to recover. There is also SMART and AVRT, plus many people here on our boards who use SR as their lifeline (me included).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
Hi Tara,
I remember having the same worries only to find out that there were people recovery that I'd already been acquainted with, but outside of recovery. I learned that some of my work colleagues were also in recovery. I live in a town of ~150,000, and I see many of these now closer friends out and about and we acknowledge one another with a greeting and smile or small talk, but what is said in AA has stayed there. My now and perhaps temporarily ex-fiance refers to it as Fight Club.
It comes down to this though: what if you're unable to get that teaching position because your alcoholism has spiraled out of control? If you missed out on the job due to discrimination (which as one poster mentioned, is illegal), you could find another teaching position, perhaps in another town. You'd not be afforded that opportunity one your drinking has spiraled out of control during active alcoholism.
That said, I think your concerns are valid, but I think its scarcely likely that your fears materialize. Speaking from my own experience, I have more trust and faith in people that are in recovery than I do for the "normies" of the "outside world". You will not find a room full of more understanding and sympathetic individuals.
I remember jumping through the hoop your eyeing up right now. That's in part because it just happened last year and it has been the best gamble I've ever made.
So, are you going to go, or not?
I remember having the same worries only to find out that there were people recovery that I'd already been acquainted with, but outside of recovery. I learned that some of my work colleagues were also in recovery. I live in a town of ~150,000, and I see many of these now closer friends out and about and we acknowledge one another with a greeting and smile or small talk, but what is said in AA has stayed there. My now and perhaps temporarily ex-fiance refers to it as Fight Club.
It comes down to this though: what if you're unable to get that teaching position because your alcoholism has spiraled out of control? If you missed out on the job due to discrimination (which as one poster mentioned, is illegal), you could find another teaching position, perhaps in another town. You'd not be afforded that opportunity one your drinking has spiraled out of control during active alcoholism.
That said, I think your concerns are valid, but I think its scarcely likely that your fears materialize. Speaking from my own experience, I have more trust and faith in people that are in recovery than I do for the "normies" of the "outside world". You will not find a room full of more understanding and sympathetic individuals.
I remember jumping through the hoop your eyeing up right now. That's in part because it just happened last year and it has been the best gamble I've ever made.
So, are you going to go, or not?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: CO
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Anna
Personally, I do think that there is discrimination against alcoholics. People tend to see us as stereotypes, unfortunately. So, I am very careful who I talk to about my alcoholism.
AA may work for you, but do remember that it's not the only way to recover. There is also SMART and AVRT, plus many people here on our boards who use SR as their lifeline (me included).
AA may work for you, but do remember that it's not the only way to recover. There is also SMART and AVRT, plus many people here on our boards who use SR as their lifeline (me included).
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
There is most definitely discrimination against alcoholics by some. We are also stereotyped by some as well. I like to think that that is changing but it's still got a ways to go. We're still judged on moral grounds despite it being defined as a disease by World medical Associations back somewhere in the 50s. Being careful who I tell about my alcoholism is a given. If we didn't have to be careful of this then there would be no need for the Anonymous part in AA.
That being said, if I don't stay sober, I won't have the job, the wife and the life I currently have. In fact, I'd most likely be dead.
There's also definitely more ways to get sobriety than AA. What works for each individual is different. Just like the way I work my AA program is different than the way the person sitting next to me works theirs, some may use the church, and still others SMART or AVRT
Even though I use AA for my main lifeline, SR has been teaching me a lot, it's a great place to be for 24/7 support
Only you can decide which path you need to take, but you need to take it.
That being said, if I don't stay sober, I won't have the job, the wife and the life I currently have. In fact, I'd most likely be dead.
There's also definitely more ways to get sobriety than AA. What works for each individual is different. Just like the way I work my AA program is different than the way the person sitting next to me works theirs, some may use the church, and still others SMART or AVRT
Even though I use AA for my main lifeline, SR has been teaching me a lot, it's a great place to be for 24/7 support
Only you can decide which path you need to take, but you need to take it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I can understand your fears Tara, however I reckon that given a bit of sober time you will care a lot less about that. If you are in AA and sober that's gonna be a hell of a lot better than elsewhere and drunk, is it not? I was speaking to a friend the other day who is a TA and smokes pot regularly. She is absolutely terrified of being found out at work, and it just reminded me how much the stress and guilt of thinking people would find out about my drink problem effected me. Even though I'm not open about it, if people found out I'm in AA I wouldn't be embarrassed because I have nothing to hide anymore. So what if I had a drink problem? I'm sober now 
I was however absolutely terrified before I went for the first time...reading this helped:
Your First AA Meeting<
Welcome to SR x
I was however absolutely terrified before I went for the first time...reading this helped:
Your First AA Meeting<
Welcome to SR x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR tara8888.....The old small town dilema...The only thing I know that was career suicide for me was drinking...Many times. I guess you have to do what you have to do. Find something else...Go for it and not be ashamed for trying to get better...That has to be your call...I'm not going to tell you to go to a meeting and then some idiot doesn't hire you because everybody at the coffee shop is talking about you. You don't have any neighboring towns nearby where you live?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: CO
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by FredG
If nothing in the town is truly anonymous, how quiet was your drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
I forgot to mention this.
Not a single one of my non-recovering work colleagues knows that I'm in recovery. They may have suspicions, but I have not shared that with them. Do you know who do know? My advisor (I'm a doctoral graduate student in the sciences).
Months ago, I walked into my doctors office, asked for help, and took a week off from work to detox. My advisor was only informed that I needed to take an immediate medical leave but was not provided with further information. I was terrified that she'd find out and that would be the end of my hopes and dreams of that tenure track position someday. My fears were founded on the fact that my advisor actually fires students and staff, an uncommon practice in academia. She's a self-admitted "dragon lady".
I returned to work the next week (I did not go into treatment) and kept the secret to myself for a few months. Finally, she and I sat down and I leveled with her. To my surprise she was very sympathetic and supportive. She even congratulated me on making a tough but beneficial choice to turn my life around and pursue my goals with hope and vigor.
I was right to be cautious, but in reality, everything has worked out just fine and I'm on the road to recovery.
Do it!
Not a single one of my non-recovering work colleagues knows that I'm in recovery. They may have suspicions, but I have not shared that with them. Do you know who do know? My advisor (I'm a doctoral graduate student in the sciences).
Months ago, I walked into my doctors office, asked for help, and took a week off from work to detox. My advisor was only informed that I needed to take an immediate medical leave but was not provided with further information. I was terrified that she'd find out and that would be the end of my hopes and dreams of that tenure track position someday. My fears were founded on the fact that my advisor actually fires students and staff, an uncommon practice in academia. She's a self-admitted "dragon lady".
I returned to work the next week (I did not go into treatment) and kept the secret to myself for a few months. Finally, she and I sat down and I leveled with her. To my surprise she was very sympathetic and supportive. She even congratulated me on making a tough but beneficial choice to turn my life around and pursue my goals with hope and vigor.
I was right to be cautious, but in reality, everything has worked out just fine and I'm on the road to recovery.
Do it!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 50
Tara- I understand your concerns 100%. I am a teacher in a small, religious, rural area, have been for 20 years. No one professionally knows about my alcoholism. I was able to keep my drinking very compartmentalized. I avoided AA for a long time because of this.
I finally gave in to go to AA after 4 months of private outpatient therapy. I realized I would not maintain sobriety alone, and outpatient therapy is limited. I needed to find support outside of it. I don't regret it, but I always worry about it.
I recognize that there is a difference in my situation. I am a tenured teacher with a spotless record. If they were to find out, and try to get rid of me because I am in recovery for alcoholism, that would be very illegal. In your situation, as an applicant, they could easily use other reasons to not hire you.
BUT, that said, sobriety has to be your top priority. I have begun to learn that the hard way. If you can find enough support through other programs without AA, please share them with me because without the group dynamic, I was not successful.
Though your fears about your career are very valid, your fear about losing everything to alcoholism will at some point, probably outweigh them.
Once you are sober- everything else will work out. (Or so others on this site have led me to believe. )
I finally gave in to go to AA after 4 months of private outpatient therapy. I realized I would not maintain sobriety alone, and outpatient therapy is limited. I needed to find support outside of it. I don't regret it, but I always worry about it.
I recognize that there is a difference in my situation. I am a tenured teacher with a spotless record. If they were to find out, and try to get rid of me because I am in recovery for alcoholism, that would be very illegal. In your situation, as an applicant, they could easily use other reasons to not hire you.
BUT, that said, sobriety has to be your top priority. I have begun to learn that the hard way. If you can find enough support through other programs without AA, please share them with me because without the group dynamic, I was not successful.
Though your fears about your career are very valid, your fear about losing everything to alcoholism will at some point, probably outweigh them.
Once you are sober- everything else will work out. (Or so others on this site have led me to believe.
)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Tara,
You might check out the AVRT thread and Rational Recovery. Read up on it a bit. AA helped me but for me, RR and AVRT was best. I learned a lot in AA that was very useful to me but RR continues to be the best choice for me. hope this helps!
Love from Lenina
You might check out the AVRT thread and Rational Recovery. Read up on it a bit. AA helped me but for me, RR and AVRT was best. I learned a lot in AA that was very useful to me but RR continues to be the best choice for me. hope this helps!
Love from Lenina
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: CO
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by MrLofg0029
It comes down to this though: what if you're unable to get that teaching position because your alcoholism has spiraled out of control?
So, are you going to go, or not?
In the back of my mind, I guess I feel that if I start teaching full time then I'll be forced to quit drinking so much and I'll be forced to get the drinking "under control". But it's been over 10 years of trying to get the drinking "under control" and I have missed out on many opportunities in the past because of it.
Will I go? I will think about it some more and let you know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by tara8888
So here's my dilema. I have read over all the literature about AA and need to do something, anything, to help me quit drinking. I am ready to admit I am an alcoholic and go to my first meeting. BUT I live in a relatively small town and there are no neighboring towns nearby. I have worked in the school district as a teacher's aide and sub for many years and I plan to look for a teaching job as soon as my kids (currently 3 and 1) get a little older. I have been able to keep my drinking issues pretty private and I think most other teachers would be shocked if they knew the truth.
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
So, what principal would hire a new teacher who is an admitted alcoholic? There are definitely parents out there who would raise a huge fuss if their kid's elementary teacher had attended AA meetings and had a "drinking issue." I am afraid if I attend meetings I will never get hired as a teacher. I know it's supposed to be anonymous but nothing in this town is truly anonymous!
Any advice?
thanks,
tara
You may even meet the Principal at a meeting.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
there may be discrimination against alcoholics, but i dont recall hearing of anyone being asked, when applying for a job, if they are an alcoholic.
but back to the basics. its putting the cart before the horse. ya got a problem with alcohol and ya want to do something about it.
"I guess I feel that if I start teaching full time then I'll be forced to quit drinking so much and I'll be forced to get the drinking "under control".
you have other ways you can be forced to get it under control. die from alcoholism or kill someone while drunk and end up locked up.
this is the big book online. check it out:
Big Book On Line
its a great way of life and i wouldnt be surprised that when ya get to the meetings, you will prolly meet people you had no idea were in recovery.
but back to the basics. its putting the cart before the horse. ya got a problem with alcohol and ya want to do something about it.
"I guess I feel that if I start teaching full time then I'll be forced to quit drinking so much and I'll be forced to get the drinking "under control".
you have other ways you can be forced to get it under control. die from alcoholism or kill someone while drunk and end up locked up.
this is the big book online. check it out:
Big Book On Line
its a great way of life and i wouldnt be surprised that when ya get to the meetings, you will prolly meet people you had no idea were in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I too am in a relatively small town, high profile job, all that.
I started AA in meetings about 20-30 minutes from my town. My wife was actually more concerned than I, and that's OK, we are in this life together... But as I got more comfortable in AA I started going closer to home. No big deal... There is a young recovered teacher in my group... She is delightful and she teaches 5th grade.
The only meeting I don't go to is actually the closest (I could almost walk) and I don't go there because I am the leader of the Boy Scout Troop that meets there on another night ... LOL ... I figure the pastor would not care, but since I have been going there as a Boy Scout leader for 15 years, it would just feel strange.
Take the drive if you can to a meeting in another town, get comfortable... Then decide what you want to do.
I started AA in meetings about 20-30 minutes from my town. My wife was actually more concerned than I, and that's OK, we are in this life together... But as I got more comfortable in AA I started going closer to home. No big deal... There is a young recovered teacher in my group... She is delightful and she teaches 5th grade.
The only meeting I don't go to is actually the closest (I could almost walk) and I don't go there because I am the leader of the Boy Scout Troop that meets there on another night ... LOL ... I figure the pastor would not care, but since I have been going there as a Boy Scout leader for 15 years, it would just feel strange.
Take the drive if you can to a meeting in another town, get comfortable... Then decide what you want to do.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Alcoholics Anonymous began with professionals who were concerned about their anonymity. It is a tradition we uphold. Have you heard about anyone who attends AA in your town? And if you go, you don't need to tell anyone your occupation....
The judge I met a few weeks ago was such a nice man with many years of sobriety in his life. He was there to save his butt from this horrendous disease and he was the one who told us his occupation (honestly, he looks ten times better and younger in person than on his picture in the court house).
Most likely, the principal who interviews you who already attends the meetings may hire you. LOL
You aren't the only teacher who has this dreaded alcoholism.
Kudos for you using AVRT while pregnant! That must have been challenging.
Hugs,
The judge I met a few weeks ago was such a nice man with many years of sobriety in his life. He was there to save his butt from this horrendous disease and he was the one who told us his occupation (honestly, he looks ten times better and younger in person than on his picture in the court house).
Most likely, the principal who interviews you who already attends the meetings may hire you. LOL
You aren't the only teacher who has this dreaded alcoholism.
Kudos for you using AVRT while pregnant! That must have been challenging.
Hugs,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
