1undone

Did I wake on the wrong side of the bed this week? I'm waiting to feel better but my mood is really depressed. I'm not sure what to do. I'm starting to have thoughts like, "I've stopped drinking aren't things supposed to get better?" and "Wish I could find a way out of this life thing." I'm not sure why I'm like this. I'm on an antidepressant but it doesn't seem to matter.

My computer was acting up last night so I kept getting booted out of the chat room and I wanted to say something about it and see if I could feel better by sharing. I haven't felt this depressed in for more than a day in a long time. I'm really getting concerned.

I'm completely apathetic and just a blob. I have no sex drive and no interest in anything. When I was drinking this didn't matter. Now that I'm not I have no idea how to deal with this. It seems so hopeless. And I've never felt so alone among so many people.

Not sure what the hell to do and I really miss my old doctors before I moved here, they were a lot more accessible for these situations. This has me feeling uber alone.

Fenris

I'm really sorry that you're having such a tough time, 1undone. Not giving medical advice, but I've known people who immediately went into a depressive slump after they quit, and eventually they got better. It seems that in a lot of cases it just takes time for the chemicals in your brain to adjust. We've been consuming a depressant (alcohol) for so long that it's no wonder we're depressed after we come off it. Please see a doctor if it doesn't get better soon.

--Fenris.

PaperDolls

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time.
You're not alone! You're here among friends that understand your pain.
Keep posting and telling us how you feel.
It will get better. I promise.

ETA

I'm sorry 1undone. I certainly have been there.

Perhaps your anti-depressants aren't working? I was on one type for years and had to go back this year and now I'm on 2 different types. I don't love that but I got so low it scared the hell out of me and anything is better than that.

Do you excercise at all? That is helpful in so many different ways.

What is something that you like to do - or used to like to do?

Do you live in an area where you can get involved in something new?



Where you are at will pass. You will feel better.

michelle01

I don't know if you are familiar with PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), I can't be certain if that's a possibility here. But it helped explain a lot of my symptoms after the initial period sober. It can be managed (for me it was a combination of therapy and medication for PAWS that helped) and there is plenty of information/advice on the web.

It pays to get a professional diagnosis though from someone in the field, depression can mimic PAWS and vice versa.

I waited perhaps too long to get professional help/advice. After awhile, I started getting more moments of clarity and freedom from the obsession which I have come to treasure. I'm a chronic depressive, always have been. Things did eventually improve. But it took some time to get there.

I'm grateful now for the small things, the seemingly mundane (or what I once thought was mundane) rather than chasing extremes of mood and emotion. Who would have thought there was in between that was satisfactory?

Don't get too down on yourself though for where you are right now, it's not an easy process, I found it reassuring just to know that I wasn't the only had who had struggles, rather than wondering what was wrong with me.

bratnik

1undone - you aren't alone.

It's sooooo hard when we start feeling our real emotions instead of immediately dulling them with the booze (which would in effect, make them worse later on). And I know how it is to feel so "blah" -no energy, no drive, no will. I'm sorta there today myself. I should be feeling energetic and great, but I'm having a hard time motivating today. After I finish this 3rd cup of coffee (!) I am going to put on some music and start doing some very small tasks with the hopes of catching a wind of productivity.

Keep posting and hope things get better as the day goes on!

yogaisland

I have felt the same as you - it helps me to get up and get some exercise. It doesn't have to be formal exercise. Even though I'm a gym rat, sometimes when I'm feeling "squirrely" (as I call it, that feeling that everyone hates me and I just suck) I can't bring myself to be at the gym with people. So I'll take a brisk walk down my street, go pull some weeds, or unroll my mat for a few quick Sun Salutations. Doesn't always fix the problem but it has never made it worse!

woowaa

Hi 1undone,

we have similar quit dates and for the last couple of weeks I have been feeling very similar to what you have described.

I started learning a new language when I quit and doing all sorts of bits a pieces to distract me from the drink.

Two weeks ago, I just woke up feeling what's the point and it has just worsened since then. I'm not interested in work, people frustrate me easily, gave up on my language and in summary I can't be bothered with anything.

I have spent a week or so wondering why I bothered to give up drinking and it's not nice.

Been feeling tired too which I suspect is partly depression derived.

Mid this week, it seems to be lifting, my mood is picking up, I am hopeful that I am getting out of the rut again so i'm sure you will be able to pull through too.

Keep on pushing, PM me if it helps you at all.

Andrew

1undone

Thanks for all the understanding.....

I'm just feeling very alone. I plan to go to a meeting tonight and I hope that I feel better afterward but lately I've noticed that I leave many meetings frustrated because of a couple of people (different each time) who seem to manopolize the entire group conversation with non-alcoholic garbage. I find myself looking at the person running the group and wanting to scream. NOW, this isn't exactly a normal reaction and I shouldn't be that irriatated but I don't understand why they don't direct and refocus the group when someone goes off on a tangent! Ugh!

Also, I felt in a funk last night when my husband asked me for cash and then made a "joke" as to where the balance of what I had at the beginning of the week went/was. I was brought back to a time where I'd blow my money on alcohol and told him I didn't like his joke - of course he was confused.

Shall I go on?

Basically I'm tired, in general just feel tired of everything and everyone in my life. I feel like people aren't honest and open with me but expect me to be. I just don't know what I want or how to feel. I feel as though there is no long term solution to being me and being okay with it. Seems there is always something wrong. Bottom line, I don't like me. Feels awful saying that but it's the truth!!!!

woowaa

I hear what you are saying, and although I think you are being a bit hard on yourself I empathise.

You're definitely not alone, lots of people here, including those sneaky ones who just read and the one day popup with "i've been lurking here for a while" and the like .... they're watching ....

But joking aside, I know what you mean. Let me see if a ramble (which I must be famous for now?) helps you at least not feel alone in your feelings.

I haven't a clue if it's normal during recovery to feel this way but I must admit that I can see now that normally when I have a crappy day or week at work or at home, I would have hit the bottle that bit harder.

It didn't deal with the problem, what it did was help me ignore it and as I am starting to discover, delay them for later which isn't good (some of those delayed are now queueing up to bite me).

I have started to spot things about me I don't like, ways I would have dealt with a situation for example. I'm also lost for now, the job I so wanted may never come off because the company has been bought out, for completely different reasons I am closing my own company and even my own mum and dad are irritating me right now.

I think trying to just deal with a day at a time is a good way to begin but I think only time will heal the damage down and allow us to feel better in ourselves.

I really hope your meeting goes well tonight, maybe give them a few loud coughs when they veer off topic

Good luck and post back later

1undone

Ummmmm when I have intensely bad feelings it's probably not a good thing to tell me to "suck it up." This was the advice I got from my sponsor. Hummm...

Whatever.

woowaa

That's poor, sorry to hear you got such useless advice and help. Unsympathetic doesn't do her statement justice.

Deep breaths...

1undone

The thing is I'm not needy! She complains when I don't call and then gives me one liners when I'm not right in my head. I'm not going to even say another word to her for fear it might be really mean.

Missy7

1Undone: I hope your day is getting better. You know you can do this. We all have to deal with what we have to deal with, and there is no magic fix. Not to give you any more one-liners, but you know how to get through this. What can you do? Can you make dinner? Clean something? Go for a walk?

I'm often in a funk and really it's necessary to change things just to snap out of it.

Although I get the husband's joke in particular. I think a lot of people do not get how hard (and important) this really is. And you're doing great. So keep at it.

1undone

Thanks Missy and Woo! Everyone else too! Such a great group! The meeting was so so. Still not completely on topic but better than the last few.

Not sure who mentioned it but I do think I need to find a Psychiatrist and maybe switch some meds. I hate to do this but it may be part of my issue. I would be fibbing if I said my crabby disposition has nothing to do with alcohol.

I have some thinking to do about who I'm staying "clean" for and how I can keep the sobriety only about me. When I start to feel like I'm not drinking because my husband wii get mad for whatever reason that makes me want to drink! Lol. WEIRD!

I'll be searching for a "shrink" tomorrow. Yay

michelle01

Not saying that AA is not worthwhile for you, but certain things they are not 'qualified' to deal with, in the realm of mental health, and you may be better off seeking medical advice. Is there another meeting you can attend? Sometimes people have to try a few. Important to remember, people in AA have their fallibilities, some are going to be better adjusted than others, it's the program that it comes down to in the long run.

EmeraldRose

I know whatcha mean...last week in my after care one of the girls who is known to 'go off' talked for 20 minutes out of the hour. I understand her mother is ill and she was concerned. But I am ill, too, and I drove 35 miles to make the effort to get there and didn't think it was the place to continue a discussion.

We have to realize that all the emotions have to be dealt with. Unfortunately depression and general feeling like crap is one of them. It's easy to deal with happy -that's a fun emotion. I try not to stay in a depressed zone too long. I try to giggle over something -an email, a joke, a stupid commercial. It kind of breaks the ice in my head. Otherwise my head explodes.
My son and I were looking up YouTube videos the other night and just laughing our patoots off. Very funny stuff. And weird...I didn't realize people thought so little of themselves to video such strange behavior! LOL
Little things in life can dig at you and feel like its adding up and then sadness sets in. But when you stop and reflect and look back of how much the good outweighs the bad then I think its worth alittle depression. Unless of course, you have a history of depression then you better get to a doctor. But generally speaking...it is an emotion that needs to be soberly dealt with.