BornAgain2Day

Well I had a good few days of soberity(5), but somehow I decided I was going to drink again tonight. I tried to replay the tape though. To see what was has happened before when I drank before. I guess I let my guard down thinking a few drinks would be all right. But instead, I grabbed a 5th of cheap rum from the local store. They know me pretty well! Currently half way through and still lost to what I am doing. I have tried to focus but it seems when I get pushed just a little over the edge, I go and hit the bottle. I want to get sober but it seems like the little challenges of life get to me, like work, other BS. I have been on here every day for the last week; listening to other's stories and I really read into every post. So hopefully when I sober up tomorrow, I can see what I have really done and hopefully take responsibility for my actions for this binge. Guess I have to go to the Library and check out that big book again. It really helped 6 months ago!! Hopefully, I can go on the straight and narrow this time.

DK

Dee74

Hi DK

Sometimes I really tried...and it just wasn't enough.

Whenever we drink again it's a clear sign that whatever we've been doing obviously needs more added to it...

Have you thought about attending a recovery group or some other kind of face to face support? Reading the Big Book is great but it's not action on it's own....

Rum is nasty - do yourself a favour and, without thinking, go and tip out the rest, man.
D

yeahgr8

You can just do what i did instead of reading the Big Book again, go to AA, get a sponsor, work the steps, recover from alcoholism...took me years to have had enough, when you are ready:-)

Or you can keep trying yourself over and over again...just like i did too...its actually agood sign you bought a fifth and arent still kidding yourself that you are going to have a six pack and then getting in the car for the fifth which you knew you would end up buying anyway!

Isaiah

That's how it is sometimes. Relapses happen, but they're never the last word unless you give up.

People need different things to keep them sober. Maybe you need a new path or a new conviction. Sometimes a relapse is the only way to find out what you're missing. The good news is that people do find out a way that works for them, where as no alcoholic can find a method to drink without consequences.

See you tomorrow. And drink water.

Ainslie

I could never get more than 2-3 days without justifying a drinking session.

My last attempt I purchased a book called 'Getting Sober' by Kelly Madigan Erlandson....havent picked up a drink in over 2 years. I highly recommend it - and going to meetings - I think meetings are one of those things where the longer you leave it the harder it gets. Trust me, I still havent been to one

BornAgain2Day

Thank you guys for your suggestions. I have been to quite of few AA and NA meetings(court ordred) but they never clicked with me. Although that was about year ago. I guess I should give them another shot! It feels like my life is at a stand still. Still working and ready to continue college. I feel that being at two horrible jobs that I hate is what is egging me on. Anyways hopefully this reinstills the fire of soberity into me. Again suggestions?

Thanks again,

DK

YouAreNumberOne

Hi BornAgain2Day!

You can do it - believe in yourself - keep reading and posting!

Rosco.

Life=Fun; Alcohol=Devastation.

Isaiah

I would give AA another shot. It didn't click with me at first either. I continued to go mostly because it made things easier with the girlfriend I was living with. I think it was about three months before I started to feel it. Even if it winds up being the wrong thing for you, I think you stand to gain more than you'd lose by giving it a second go.

artsoul

I think it's really good to play the tape through, but it's hard sometimes to remember the pain of a bad hangover, or the consequences from months or years ago. When I play the tape these days, I think about what my life would become if I didn't quit..... I'm sure it would slowly get worse and worse (emotionally, mentally, physically) and it would be heartbreak for people around me.

I just decided why wait to quit until something really tragic happens?

The best part of being sober is that the longer you don't drink, the less you miss it and the better your life gets. Keep reading and posting here - it really does help to have that support every day!

LaFemme

Hi! Sorry you are going through this. On the plus side you did the right thing and came here....on the negative side you didn't do it an hour before the trip to the package store. Next time do that if playing the tape doesn't work;-)

In addition to the excellent suggestions already here...while you are at the library tomorrow, see if they have allan carrs book...the easy way to stop drinking....it helped me a llot. What work have you been doing on yourself to help keep sober? I think that's key too. Check the self help section in your library and see if anything resonates with you.

Drink water and if there is anything left of that 5th when you go to sleep...pour it down the drain. Whatever you do don't stop cxoming here...we understand and we care.

Hugs, lafemme

BornAgain2Day

Thanks,

I'm sure I won't finish it tonight. But I will check on that book tomorrow. I am sick of dealing with this. Hopefully, I will learn something from this!! But, I'm sure I'll have a good hangover tomorrow. I't has been 5 days since my last binge! And just from the week I've been here, all of you seem to be knowledgable about addiction/relapse!!


DK

BornAgain2Day

Happy to report now 4 days of complete soberity. I am really taking it day by day now. I think a couple more days and I will feel even better. I once had 64 days soberity but I some how screwed that up. It always seems like the first 1-4 weeks are hard for us alcoholics. Any one feel the the same? First time in a many of Thursday mornings, that I won't be going to work hung over. Well, I've got to hit the hay soon.

Thanks for all of your guy's support,

Dave

Dee74

The first days are definitely the hardest, Dave.
Hopefully this time, with the support of the community here, you can power on through

D

least

Congrats on four days! Now get yourself some support and don't drink even if your ass falls off.

keithj

Going to meetings is not the program of AA or NA. Taking the 12 Steps is. Of course it's not going to click if all one does is sit there amongst sober people. For some people, being in a sobriety support group is enough to keep them sober. The 12 Steps are aimed at the people for whom that doesn't work.

There is a whole bunch of sober people in those meetings who found that they couldn't stay sober in spite of their honest desire to stay sober. Playing the tape through didn't work for them (or me) either.

SSIL75

Playing the tape is very helpful to me as a reminder on a regular day (and I do it a lot). But in the throes of a craving, it doesn't work as well.

What works for me is reminding myself every day that a craving is just a chemical thing. It's not real. It's not emotional. It's not magical. It's just a craving. No different from craving any other thing that feels good in the short term but is a bad idea, long term (like a McDonald's lunch when you're 50lbs overweight ). I can ride out the craving. Meet the underlying need (boredom, stress, whatever) and carry on with life. The more I do this the more my brain seems to be catching on and I almost never have cravings now. In fact I haven't had any serious near-drinking cravings since I fully accepted that I can't drink anymore. But totally detaching from my cravings, depersonalizing them and reminding myself that some emotional discomfort now and then is part of the deal has been very helpful to me. And that discomfort is virtually gone now.

Congrats on 4 days!

Anna

Hi Dave,

Good for you for sticking with it and feeling better now.

And, I think it's good to remember that removing the alcohol from your life is the beginning, but the hard work of dealing with emotions, issues, etc, without alcohol, begins now. You can do this!

BornAgain2Day

Thank you guys a lot!! I have started meetings again and I have been 8 days sober. It seems meetings are a lot better for you if you arn't forced to go. I don't count today because it isn't done yet. I just try to focus on the postives of life and hit a meeting when every I have free time. I have learned a lot in the last week from others dealing with the same addiction I have. I hope to continue to learn and use the the tools they and you guys have provided to continue my journey towards a stabile soberity. I still have a long way to go, but I am taking it one day at a time, and I actually feel great when I go to bed at night and think:"I was sober today and that is what is most important for me" But each day is a different battle and I plan to use everything I got to keep it away. So I will use everything in my power to beat this, Today!

Again, thank you for everything!!!!!,

Currently Sober in Detroit

Dee74

hey Dave

I'm so glad to hear you're turning it around

great stuff!
D

BornAgain2Day

This time around it feels more real to me. I've wanted to get clean for a long time but this feels like my best shot for it. I have also started to work out again. Working out feels almost as good of high as drinking to me. But it is still too early to tell. I have wanted to get back in shape for about 3 years and I think my drinking has hindered me from getting back to the gym.
But I am hitting the gym hard today.



Dave