Facing my issues.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Facing my issues.
I am doing what I have to do and facing my 'issues' that have to be worked on. To all intents and purposes there is absolutely nothing 'wrong' with me anymore and I am sure there are many, many people who are more 'troubled' than me who just don't even realise it.
Being in recovery has given me so much clarity and self-awareness. Recovery is fundamentally different to many situations where people are referred to mental health etc because I actually wish to get better. I truly do want to get to the stage where I am totally and utterly free in my self and I will know when I have reached that point. This is purely a psychological thing for me and I am doing my best to get the necessary help to be able to reach that point.
It is kind of ironic that I am viewed as being technically not 'ill' as such. This is only because of AA and SR and working my program of recovery which is my program for living a grateful and contented sober life. If it wasn't for my acceptance and total willingness to wish to be 'well' then I would be gravely ill to the point where I would probably have killed myself. Kind of ironic that actually being a recovering alcoholic makes you 'well' and being an alcoholic in denial means you get all the help and resources immediately. But that't the nature of the system I suppose.
I made a big step forward today and I am grateful for being where I am now in my recovery. I am forever grateful to SR and also AA as well for enabling me to be able to recover and get myself to where I am at now.
I had to face some pretty uncomfortable things today that I didn't wish to face years ago, instead running away into more and more drink and drugs to block it all out.
Now I am facing my demons as I want to progress to the next stage of my life/recovery and I didn't think of a drink once! Now that is progress! It was uncomfortable sure, but I am just activley 'living' my recovery to such an extent that I have a great armoured suit to ward off the negative and self-jeopardising thoughts/emotions.
I know to get to where I want to get to then I am going to have face stuff that's very difficult and painful for me to face. But I know it will be worth it.
Life on Lifes terms 'One day at a time'. Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
Thanks for being there for me SR. I truly mean that with all of my heart.
Peace and Love x
Being in recovery has given me so much clarity and self-awareness. Recovery is fundamentally different to many situations where people are referred to mental health etc because I actually wish to get better. I truly do want to get to the stage where I am totally and utterly free in my self and I will know when I have reached that point. This is purely a psychological thing for me and I am doing my best to get the necessary help to be able to reach that point.
It is kind of ironic that I am viewed as being technically not 'ill' as such. This is only because of AA and SR and working my program of recovery which is my program for living a grateful and contented sober life. If it wasn't for my acceptance and total willingness to wish to be 'well' then I would be gravely ill to the point where I would probably have killed myself. Kind of ironic that actually being a recovering alcoholic makes you 'well' and being an alcoholic in denial means you get all the help and resources immediately. But that't the nature of the system I suppose.
I made a big step forward today and I am grateful for being where I am now in my recovery. I am forever grateful to SR and also AA as well for enabling me to be able to recover and get myself to where I am at now.
I had to face some pretty uncomfortable things today that I didn't wish to face years ago, instead running away into more and more drink and drugs to block it all out.
Now I am facing my demons as I want to progress to the next stage of my life/recovery and I didn't think of a drink once! Now that is progress! It was uncomfortable sure, but I am just activley 'living' my recovery to such an extent that I have a great armoured suit to ward off the negative and self-jeopardising thoughts/emotions.
I know to get to where I want to get to then I am going to have face stuff that's very difficult and painful for me to face. But I know it will be worth it.
Life on Lifes terms 'One day at a time'. Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
Thanks for being there for me SR. I truly mean that with all of my heart.
Peace and Love x
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
Good stuff man. My story is so very similar. Now that i've put down the drugs, done some work, and gotten some time under my belt, i've found that it's not the drugs that are my problem. Thankfully the obsession to use has been lifted. But some not so positive behaviors and thoughts do persist.
The biggest challenge for me today is accepting myself for who i really am. The 4th step is really revealing and i'm working on it and looking forward to 5,6,&7. This process is about looking at things as they are rather than putting my twisted little slant on everything.
My life today is also about meeting challenges as they arise. This is a big one. The old behavior of running and hiding wants to manifest sometimes but when i do run, let me tell you, running from problems while sober feels way worse than running off and getting high. The problems were still there either way, but now i know exactly what i'm doing. No excuses!
I'm so grateful to NA and and my network and the wonderful people on this site who show such compassion and understanding and make thought provoking posts like yours.
Namaste.
The biggest challenge for me today is accepting myself for who i really am. The 4th step is really revealing and i'm working on it and looking forward to 5,6,&7. This process is about looking at things as they are rather than putting my twisted little slant on everything.
My life today is also about meeting challenges as they arise. This is a big one. The old behavior of running and hiding wants to manifest sometimes but when i do run, let me tell you, running from problems while sober feels way worse than running off and getting high. The problems were still there either way, but now i know exactly what i'm doing. No excuses!
I'm so grateful to NA and and my network and the wonderful people on this site who show such compassion and understanding and make thought provoking posts like yours.
Namaste.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I'm facing some of the same things, Neo. There are some issues coming up that I'm going to have to deal with, issues created and exacerbated by my drinking. I have a lot of amends to make to a lot of people. I even have legal issues to face. But at least I'm getting to a place where I can deal with those things, rather than running and hiding under a mountain of beer bottles. At least I know when I stand before that judge I will be able to honestly say that I am sober and working a program to change and better my life. When I have to face people that I wronged while I was drinking, I will do so as a man and without the cloud of alcohol hanging over my head.
I know it will be difficult for you to face certain things in your life. But you can do it. So can I. So can we all. And we don't have to do it drunk, and we don't have to do it alone. Isn't that such a Blessing?
I know it will be difficult for you to face certain things in your life. But you can do it. So can I. So can we all. And we don't have to do it drunk, and we don't have to do it alone. Isn't that such a Blessing?
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Neo, I've said it before, I am so very proud of how far you have come.
They need to make a stickie of your progress! I mean that with all due respect. You have done a most excellent job of nurturing your sobriety.
A huge congratulations. You help MY sobriety! Thanks!
They need to make a stickie of your progress! I mean that with all due respect. You have done a most excellent job of nurturing your sobriety.
A huge congratulations. You help MY sobriety! Thanks!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Neo - you always say astute and helpful things. I also wear a "great armoured suit" to ward off negativity - nicely put. Once I stopped berating myself I was able to move forward. Until then I was stuck on square one. It went on for a long time, so I'm glad to see you have reached this point rather quickly in your recovery. I know life is going to be beautiful for you.
The first time I faced up to things without running for a drink - I was shocked. I didn't think of it until after I came through the bad time, then realized what I had accomplished by toughing it out and letting the feelings flow, not numbing myself. After those first few times of confronting things without my crutch, it was so much easier to stay strong. I almost welcomed those times as part of healing.
You're doing great, Neo - I'm so proud of you.
The first time I faced up to things without running for a drink - I was shocked. I didn't think of it until after I came through the bad time, then realized what I had accomplished by toughing it out and letting the feelings flow, not numbing myself. After those first few times of confronting things without my crutch, it was so much easier to stay strong. I almost welcomed those times as part of healing.
You're doing great, Neo - I'm so proud of you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
You sound healthy as hell to me NEO. 
I can totally relate, and being "well" there are so many things I can do today that I would have run from or drank over three years ago. Seriously.
Love your posts NEO, they're awesome!!
I can totally relate, and being "well" there are so many things I can do today that I would have run from or drank over three years ago. Seriously.
Love your posts NEO, they're awesome!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by coffeenut 
Neo, I've said it before, I am so very proud of how far you have come.
They need to make a stickie of your progress! I mean that with all due respect. You have done a most excellent job of nurturing your sobriety.
A huge congratulations. You help MY sobriety! Thanks!
They need to make a stickie of your progress! I mean that with all due respect. You have done a most excellent job of nurturing your sobriety.
A huge congratulations. You help MY sobriety! Thanks!
Thanks Neo, and congrats on how far you've come!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Neo thank you for sharing. I am grateful you are here as you add so much to our community and you have personally helped me along the way in my early recovery with your shared experiences and comforting words.
All the best my friend
All the best my friend
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Just an update.
I have been facing the 'issues' and doing what has to be done. I am glad I am doing this as it gives me hope. Hope is such a funny thing. It is something that people just wouldn't be able to relate to unless they felt hopeless. I used to feel hopeless about this stuff and used to get so upset and it would eat me up inside. I literally came close to killing myself on a few occassions. I often would wake up crying and so terribly depressed. Taking a drink was actually the only way I could muster up a smile. What a horrible place I was in.
I have been feeling knocked off my 'perfect equilibrium' this week. I know what has caused it because I have felt like this before earlier in my recovery. Only I didn't have the experince and hadn't been through it before so didn't know if I was setting myself up for failure by actually trusting my own instincts and gut feeling. However with over a year sober and the majority of that spent in a very healthy mental place then I know what I have to do.
I basically have to work my own program tailored towards this alcoholic. Otherwise taking a drink and going back there doesn't seem like such a bad thing. This is no slur on AA but rather that I know what works for me and makes me happy and contented. I feel much more at peace in my mind now that I know what needs to be done. I have the insight to be able to distinguish between my alcoholic/addict mind and my own rational, sane Freewill. I know this to be the case and I am grateful for this. Different strokes for different folks. Different paths to the same destination and all that. Thanks SR for being there for me.
I am also so glad that I am facing all of this stuff with a recovery program and an absolute certainty that I am an alcoholic. Also that I am fully aware and embrace myself as a recovering alcoholic. I feel for people to an extent who are going to mental health counsellors/psychiatrists/psychologists etc and are still in active drinking or in very early sobriety. Most of the people in mental health aren't alcoholics/addicts so they really can't relate and may actually say thing which to a vulnerable alcoholic/addict still questiong their situation may push them back out to take a drink.
I embrace my recovery from alcoholism and I am not afraid to say this. It has to be an integral part of my identity and made aware to those who need to know. I cannot forget for one second that to drink is to die for me. It isn't a millstone around my neck but rather a beautiful freedom from a life spent as a drunk who would lose every ounce of self-respect, job, car, roof over head and hope. I was hopeless before i admited and accepted that I'm an alcoholic. For I would take that first drink again and thus for every step I moved forwards I would take 3 back.
Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
Thanks SR. peace and Love xxx
I have been facing the 'issues' and doing what has to be done. I am glad I am doing this as it gives me hope. Hope is such a funny thing. It is something that people just wouldn't be able to relate to unless they felt hopeless. I used to feel hopeless about this stuff and used to get so upset and it would eat me up inside. I literally came close to killing myself on a few occassions. I often would wake up crying and so terribly depressed. Taking a drink was actually the only way I could muster up a smile. What a horrible place I was in.
I have been feeling knocked off my 'perfect equilibrium' this week. I know what has caused it because I have felt like this before earlier in my recovery. Only I didn't have the experince and hadn't been through it before so didn't know if I was setting myself up for failure by actually trusting my own instincts and gut feeling. However with over a year sober and the majority of that spent in a very healthy mental place then I know what I have to do.
I basically have to work my own program tailored towards this alcoholic. Otherwise taking a drink and going back there doesn't seem like such a bad thing. This is no slur on AA but rather that I know what works for me and makes me happy and contented. I feel much more at peace in my mind now that I know what needs to be done. I have the insight to be able to distinguish between my alcoholic/addict mind and my own rational, sane Freewill. I know this to be the case and I am grateful for this. Different strokes for different folks. Different paths to the same destination and all that. Thanks SR for being there for me.
I am also so glad that I am facing all of this stuff with a recovery program and an absolute certainty that I am an alcoholic. Also that I am fully aware and embrace myself as a recovering alcoholic. I feel for people to an extent who are going to mental health counsellors/psychiatrists/psychologists etc and are still in active drinking or in very early sobriety. Most of the people in mental health aren't alcoholics/addicts so they really can't relate and may actually say thing which to a vulnerable alcoholic/addict still questiong their situation may push them back out to take a drink.
I embrace my recovery from alcoholism and I am not afraid to say this. It has to be an integral part of my identity and made aware to those who need to know. I cannot forget for one second that to drink is to die for me. It isn't a millstone around my neck but rather a beautiful freedom from a life spent as a drunk who would lose every ounce of self-respect, job, car, roof over head and hope. I was hopeless before i admited and accepted that I'm an alcoholic. For I would take that first drink again and thus for every step I moved forwards I would take 3 back.
Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
Thanks SR. peace and Love xxx
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Yes. You are saying what a LOT of alcoholics feel, but just don't know how to say.
Especially in those early days.
I too, remember those tears. Of being in despair.....thinking if I could only stop for one day....just one day. But, I couldn't.
I hope I never forget those tears.
Especially in those early days.
I too, remember those tears. Of being in despair.....thinking if I could only stop for one day....just one day. But, I couldn't.
I hope I never forget those tears.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think you're doing great, Neo!
I believe that the things we need/want to work on, come to us in recovery, when we are ready for them.
I think that's why there are many layers to recovery. I dealt with a few issues early on in recovery, and kind of thought, well that's it. But, fortunately, my growth continued and, when I was ready, more things for me to deal with popped up.
I believe that the things we need/want to work on, come to us in recovery, when we are ready for them.
I think that's why there are many layers to recovery. I dealt with a few issues early on in recovery, and kind of thought, well that's it. But, fortunately, my growth continued and, when I was ready, more things for me to deal with popped up.
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