leahna

I am new to this site and joined because I have an employee who I just hired who is in the very initial stages of recovery. I have been reading up on things that deal with relationships during the first year of recovery and maybe I am looking into in too deep, but I really want this employee to have great success. My concern is in developing relationships with people especially those of the opposite sex. I read something that said individuals in recovery should avoid even freindships with the opposite sex during the first year of recovery. So my concern is that all my employees are female and the employee I am concerned about is a male. The employees will often work just two people together so he will naturally develope a relationship with these other employees. This person is also an old family friend and so what about my realationship as not only a boss but also a friend. Any thoughts I'd really like to hear any of them.

CarolD

Welcome...

Could you please clarify?

What exactly is the mans addiction?
has he started any formal recovery program?

Taking5

This "no relationships in the first year" is the recovery industry's mantra, not AA. That does not mean it is without merit however.

Is your employee in AA or NA? Does he have a sponsor? If the answers to both are yes he'll stand a much better chance in recovery.

frstnm

thank you
we need people who give us a chance
working can be really helpful to our recovery
bad habbits
good people

Ananda

I had two bosses during my alchoholism and my early recoveries....both tdid the same thing....they treated me as they would any other employee based on my work behavior and product.

I believe tht by doing that, they supported my recovery.

sailorjohn

Hey, we don't have cooties! I don't know that we should be treated any differently than any other employee. We are the same as everyone else. The 'relationship' you're referring to would be a sexual or romantic relationship, not friendship. IMO, the best support you can give someone is to treat them the way you treat everyone, assuming of course, that you treat them decently. Myself, I would find special treatment to be a little patronizing.

Rella927

Welcome....

I would have to agree with others who said "treat them as you would any other employee"

I'm not an alcoholic however I have a few in my family and dated a few! And
know and are friends with a lot of wonderful ones on this site!

If this person came in drunk and tried to apply for the position I would say that
would be a red flag and do not hire them! However if this person is in recovery
and came to you for a job they are probably trying to start their life over on
a better note! Give them a chance!

My brother who worked for a company for 25 years-came in to work drunk 3 times
and was FIRED! After being in recovery for 4 years! His choice to mess
that up! Not his employer! His employers choice to let him go!
He was an excellent asset to that company and now
he is drinking himself to death......he is still human-just one that is in battle with
a horrendous disease and not in recovery!

IMHO I do not feel that an employer needs to monitor a person's recovery and especially
not if they have a realationship! If this employee decides to go full force in recovery
it is possible that they will not have a realationship "The first year" however I really
do not see how this should be a concern if this person comes in and does the job to
your standards!

As I said I do not drink and maybe I'm taking this a bit to "DEEP" myself but, I
have a lot of respect and support those who are in recovery from this horrible
disease and coming in here IMHO seeking out this employee's business as far
as recovery kind of bothers me!

There are so many alkies out there trying to start a new life and they deserve the
chance to do so IMHO without having to have a label on them or be treated
any different from anyone else if they are doing THEIR JOB! If they do not do
their job then FIRE THEM! Just as you would anyone else!

I do not have to battle this horrible disease however
it still makes me just like them HUMAN!

Treat them like a human being just as you would someone came in that door
with the same qualifications that did not drink or have an addiction! (Old Family friend
or not they came in as the others for a JOB)


And ......
Leave THEIR recovery to them!

Good luck -

LogCabin

I think that it is wonderful that you are asking this question. Speaking for myself part of my recovery is getting out and becoming a part of a group of people.

I also am very careful to protect my recovery, and make it the most important thing I do in my life...especially the first year. I don't want to form any love-type relationships because it is something that can cause me to go on the LOVE Rollercoaster. It is better for me to protect myself emotionally from any harm.

Now as far as working relationships go. I think that having a job, and going to work is so very important to get back to living a normal life. Yes, we have to interact with people. And this can be really rewarding. Forming HEALTHY bonds is a good thing. Forming purely sexual bonds...not so much. Especially if you are a chaser and thrill-seeker. I have seen that it is a way for recovering addicts to avoid working on themselves. And that is not good.

I also like the above advice that you treat this person as you treat all of your employees. And keep them strictly on thier performance and attendance. If they call in sick too much..well, we all know what that means.

Good for you for giving this person a break. Hopefully they are grateful and thankful to you for giving them this chance. Especially in these current economic times.

leahna

I first want to say I have no intentions in treating this employee any different then anybody else. Its work all rules apply to all the same. As far as addiction its a cocaine addiction. Yes the person has been at a treatment center and will be returning soon to come back to work, yes this person does have a sponsor. I was just a bit unclear in some things I read about realtionships in the first year because I read that it is often advised to stay away from any new relationship even friendships with the opposite sex. So i was just concerned because the place of employment is a cafe in which many of the patrons do become your friends, as well as the eployees. I don't want to patronize anybody I just want more information, I am new to this all and just want some clarification. I found it to be respectfull to have such honesty in a new employee about thier addiction and I just want a better understanding. So I greatly appreciate all the feedback. Thank you all

CarolD

The reason I asked for specifics was because I am
a recovered alcoholic in AA.
I know what the AA program says about
relationships but have no clue as to other programs.

Sorry...it's out of my personal experience.

Glad you are willing to give him a chance
and that he is recovering.

NoelleR

In point of fact neither the AA program nor any other recovery programs say anything of the kind....the line is, and always has been.....:

Don't make any MAJOR CHANGES in early recovery. (I like to see this as 'don't make any changes, major...' in other words: don't make mountains out of mole hills)

Folks in early recovery (now freely translated to 'first year') need to keep their focus, and their priority, on their recovery. In the early stages of relationships folks tend to put a lot their focus on the other person, and this can be detrimental to recovery. But, to include just friendships....? don't know if I've ever heard this.....some paraphrasing can go to the extreme....heck, this would mean folks in their first year of recovery shouldn't gather recovery friends around them for their support group, nor get a sponsor....? oh, gimme a break..... (o:


NoelleR