Awesome pics, PBC..thanks!!

I'm glad you're navigating your way to less conflict, Lofty. That sounds like healthy stuff right there. Happy for you. :)

All went well last night and the kiddos had a good time, too!

Oh, and no PBC, I haven't seen Sully yet, but I'd like to. :)

Day 12 comes to a close. Sleepy eyes are prevailing. Glad I am usually getting better sleep. But, I definitely feel the stress in my face, jaw and neck at the end of the day this past week.

Sweet dreams, everyone!

Hopefully things will improve Lofty - congrats on day 12 :)
D

Lucky 13 here. I will be reading a passage at church this morning at the installation of our new pastor, and then a hamburger & hot dog cookout for my Army son, who returns to base on Friday. Its been great having him home. My close friends and neighbors will probably notice I wont be drinking, but they've seen that before, so no big deal. Feel rested this morning, and its a beaut of a day here.

Hope your Sunday is great! Carry on, with laughter and joy!

you also Lofty===have a great day !
Hi everyone !
Babs

Day 14 today. Yesterday was a fun day. Good company, both at church and at our cookout for my son. Lots of fun. Had my decaf iced green tea in a Yeti-style cup, so no one knew for sure what I was drinking, though I'm sure some noticed me sober. No one said anything.

So...tomorrow is my appointment with my counselor and is the end of his original challenge to me. But, not the end of my challenge to myself. I will continue on this path. What difference has 2 weeks made? A few. The bags under my eyes are gone. I am getting solid sleep. Anxiety at first got a little high, but is now leveld off, lower than before. I keep my head about me. I am not unpredictably unapproachable by my family. I have spent some time in my studies. I 've both produced more work, and better quality work. I am not so desparately worried abut my finances and future.

I still have quite a way to go, but I am willing to do so, with help from others and the blessing of God.

Thanks for being here! SMART meeting this afternoon and an ADD support group event tonight. It's a good day.

I love reading how you're doing, Lofty! Both the stress and the positivity, honestly, because they are both normal human emotions that we're supposed to feel and not numb. It took me a while to *get* that, and it's still hard sometimes, but my coping capacities have increased an awful lot. I'd kind of forgotten how to deal with emotions at the end of my drinking, because I'd buried them for so long. Now I remember, and I know they both won't do me in nor will they stick forever. I can get through them, one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time.

It's a beautiful day here today! Work was awesome ... I love my job. :) Hugs to you all!

2 MONTHS TODAY

I am ready for the children this Halloween, we have bought some treats , this thing is getting bigger here .
Cant you just see the look on the children's faces when my avi opens the door .LOL

Lofty keep racking up those numbers.

PBC prayers for your friends daughter.

Congrats Aussie on 2 months.
Congrats too to you Lofty on 2 weeks :c014:

D

2 MONTHS!!! WOOT WOOT!!!! Yay, Aussie!!!!

To update you on my friend's daughter, the rheumetologist said it's not that. Oy. At least one more thing is out, but we still don't know what it is. Neurology is next, I guess. It's been a couple months of horrible pain, tons of tests, and no answers. They are all completely worn out and down about it. We talked this morning (we Skype twice per week, always) and they decided to not have me come out because it might bring on more stress than it alleviated. I get that. I kinda thought that might be the case, but I wanted to offer since dh had brought it up. I love them all so much!

Good stuff Aussie and Lofty! Congrats to you both, keep it up...you're STRONG!

Sorry about your friend, PBC. Sad and scary.

I'm in a funk but it might be cuz I'm trying to largely cut out sugar and I'm eating low carb. It feels kind of like quitting smoking. Crabby, down, etc. Geez, I feel like I'm always quitting stuff. I've been crying lately, thinking of my kids growing up and moving out. I only have this one year with my oldest before he goes to college. It just breaks. my. heart. He's such a big part of this household and my life. All my energy has gone into these kids for 17 years, especially being a stay at home mom. I'm with them SO much. Plus, he doesn't go out a lot with friends, etc. so he's home a lot. He's not the type to go to his room, he sits with us, always talking. lol Anyway, I know I should think of the positive but sometimes it just hits me. This sugar thing today isn't helping. Blahhhh, that's my rant. ;)

That sounds like a big mixture of sad/scared/whowillIbenext?/anxious/nostalgic/proud. While you're feeling it, be kind to you, okay? Maybe a good movie would give you a little distraction? Want me to send you funny posts on fb? I can do that. 'Cuz I care about you. :e082:

Thank you, PBC!! :)

Congrats, Aussie! You are motivating me!

Went to the SMART meeting and waited with 4 other for a no show leader. Oh well, came home and knocked out some tasks. The ADD meeting was good. Picked up some good tips and DW went too, so she learned a lot too.

Counseling session in am, and lots of work to do as well.

Good night, all!

(((mirage)))

Hi PBC & Lofty :wave:

D

Mirage and PBC, sorry I missed your posts. They were on the next page. Mirage, I kinda know the feelings you are having, but they definitely affected my wife more than me. You've done a super job raising your kids and should be proud. Plus, they will always need you! That part doesnt go away. You will be fine, I am sure.

PBC, I must've missed your post about your friend, but prayers sent just the same.

Hey, Dee!

Today is day 15. Its been a while since I could say that. It's a start!

Enjoy the day!

I missed your post as well Lofty :)

Congrats on your progress :)

D

Way to go Lofty !
hi everyone !
Babs

Mirage you could possibly add hormones to that list , just a thought . :hug:

PBC continued prayers .

Lofty day 15 !!!! :scoregood

Hi Babs and Dee :headbang:

I goofed
 

I am trying to replay the reel in my mind. At what point did I decide to drink last night? It was a decision and I even announced it to my wife before I did it. I was really tense yesterday, almost desparate with all the things I am behind on. I was embarrassed to be so disorganized in front of my employees. The pressure built during the day. I missed deadlines and it could be costly. There is so much on my plate right now that I felt I would explode. We had a special dinner planned for my son before he leaves for his next military assignment. And then a good friend of the family wanted to stop by to visit with Ben. We sat at the bar. I had already decided we would all do a shot of whiskey and have a beer. That turned to 2, then 3, then a glass of wine with our (late) special dinner. Then another glass after dinner. 6 drinks, in all, out of nowhere.
What did I do wrong? How did this come on? Why did I not only permit it to happen, but not prevent it when I had even announced it was coming? How did I allow myself to get all tied up in a knot? I had just yesterday celebrated 15 days with my counselor and announced I would carry on with it! What in hell is wrong with me? Why didn't I tell my friend it wasnt a good time to come over and go on with a nice sober dinner? Did I just want to have drinks? Did I want to send my son off with a celebration? Have I repressed so many feelings of conflict about his military service that it was impossible not to drink? Am I escaping feelings of failure or simply sabotaging any chance of success? What in hell is wrong with me? I am friggin tired of all the constant anxiety in life and the feeling that our world is going to hell in a handbasket. Incompetent leaders. Amoral values. Red tape in every direction in life. Technophobia. Its all BS. Everyone is out for their own interests, at any cost to others, without concern. I just want to withdraw and live off the land in a cabin in the woods and just say "enough!"

God, do I need help.

Yeah I think you do need help Lofty - but accepting that might just be your turning point?

D

I hope so, but Ive already been getting help! What else can I do?

You've already made a start by reviewing what happened and thinking about what you might have done instead :)

That will help you next time you feel overwhelmed.

I don't believe sobriety is beyond anybody's capability - certainly not anyone who can post lucidly to SR, and certainly not beyond you Lofty :)

You drinking again doesn't negate the help you have already - it may mean you need more help. or it may mean you have to work harder on forcing yourself to access the help you have when you need it.

You may have to make more changes to your life to better reflect your desire to be sober.

This is a great link on making a recovery plan that addresses those two things and many other things besides.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

you may have seen it before...if so I think it's well worth a re-read and a re-think.

This is also a helpful list:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Don't lose yourself in despair. A little stumble now shouldn't mean you pulling out of the race.

You can do this - think about what else you can do - and there's always something - and do it Lofty :)

I'm off to bed now but I hope you have a good day all things considered :)

D

Thank you, Dee. I will study those links

Aw, I'm sorry, Lofty. I was impressed with your introspection about it, though.

The key is to ask those questions when your'e feeling the urge. When I read, "I had already decided we would all do a shot of whiskey and have a beer. " I thought "STOP! Right there, THAT'S when you ask yourself your list of questions". Why are you giving yourself permission?, etc. THAT'S when you come here and ask for help. As soon as your addiction tells you it's ok to do a shot and a beer, THAT'S when you reach out and when you need to see that that is Addiction talking. It's not a rational choice, it's Addiction. It's your comfort zone, it's natural. We get it, we get why it happens. You have to beat it at it's own game. Identify it, picture it someone trying to get you to do something you don't want to do. That's why I capitalized it, it's like a person, a proper noun. Say NO to it. Change the plan. That's how you get stronger and that's how you beat it and that's how you form new habits. We're breaking habits and forming new ones. Our brains want us to stay in old, comfortable habits. It can be torturous to not engage in those habits. It's soooo effing HARD to not drink sometimes, but we must. Our happiness depends on it.

Thank you mirage. You are correct. I need to be able to identify the pressures that occurred even before the decision and deal with them as they come. My mind can be such a cluster at times.

(((Lofty)))
what's done is done , it's time to start again.
I also need to work on the giving in part , when things get to much I tend to give myself permission.
I am coming into a dangerous time of the year for drinking , the storms , the heat and a lot of drinking happening around me , all things that bring me undone . I wish I could just skip half the year.

Sending strength your way Lofty.