Kinda need to write this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Nor Cal
Posts: 119
Kinda need to write this
I'm writing this because this is something I would use over and I'm a lil shaky with all the feelings I'm having around this so I'm kinda venting. If you wanna read on, read on. Just know I'm trying to process something here and not use tonight.
So I deleted my "myspace" profile today because the thing was 100% toxic for me. I found myself obsessing over a man... well, he acts like a boy, and is my "ex". Myspace is 100% my self-will in FULL EFFECT. Nothing about that thing is healthy for me. Now, I'm the one that broke it off with the "ex" (also a recovering addict) because my needs weren't being met. I went thru something pretty big during our relationship that made me very vulnerable, and I really needed his support as my BOYFRIEND. I asked him for help and he couldn't, wouldn't, and didn't help me. Then he began to take my inventory and starting acting like a complete ******* to me. In my book that's grounds for FIRING, so I cut it. It hurt, still hurts and I'm really doing recovery work around it but its not getting any better. We talked a couple weeks after the "break up" and it was calm and mature. Resentments were discussed and amends were made. In that conversation he let me know he's still very sick and has a lot of work to do and he wasn't going to date until he had a year because it was too much for him to handle. He also had the pleasure of taking my inventory one last time by saying "You are the only girl I know that is sick enough to date me." Which I promptly blew off as a projection and let go. So naturally after the "break up talk" I thought that we were cool and could at least be cordial to each other at meetings etc.
Since that "talk" I've seen him at many meetings, and I am still going thru it. I have shared my **** (not about him, other ****) at group level and see him looking at me at times during the meetings. I have reached out to him after meetings, at breaks etc, just to say hello, or goodbye and give him a quick hug just like I do to everyone at all meetings. I'm not trying to be near him or get him back, I'm just doing my part to make us both comfortable.
Last week I'd ****** had it with making the effort. He walks around with a ****** smirk that I wanna slap off of his face and pretends like he doesn't know me. HELLO YOU **** we were sleeping together, and I cared about you!!! Anyway, that **** stings and its upsetting me because I feel so rejected and rejection brings up so many things for me.
So today, I kept looking at his myface profile and found he was flirting with a girl and my head starting spinning and I started getting really upset about it. I'm assuming he's sleeping with this girl and assumption gets me NO WHERE, and its none of my biz. BUT it still hurts, I still feel rejected even though I broke it off with him and I feel really used by him and that feeling SUCKS. This was the first time I'd been in a relationship CLEAN and was the real me and I got rejected. And that is what I'm really upset over. He didn't want me and treated me like crap. For the first time in my life I was REAL and he didn't want to love me, and treated me like crap and that makes me super sad.
The insanity started all because of ****** myspace, so I took action and DELETED my account. I'm off it, done, and I feel FREE already. He is who he is and I know I can't change his behavior. I am harboring major resentments towards him right now, and I will work thru those. I'm angry that he treats me like a stranger when I see him at meetings, because its so HIGH SCHOOL to act that way. I'm taking action around that also, and not going to the meetings where I know he will be. I'm not getting recovery when he's in the room and I'm really grateful I didn't turn this into a crisis and use over it. Cuz a dumb boy ain't worth risking my recovery!
Thanks for letting me share/vent Sleep Well
Heartinpieces
So I deleted my "myspace" profile today because the thing was 100% toxic for me. I found myself obsessing over a man... well, he acts like a boy, and is my "ex". Myspace is 100% my self-will in FULL EFFECT. Nothing about that thing is healthy for me. Now, I'm the one that broke it off with the "ex" (also a recovering addict) because my needs weren't being met. I went thru something pretty big during our relationship that made me very vulnerable, and I really needed his support as my BOYFRIEND. I asked him for help and he couldn't, wouldn't, and didn't help me. Then he began to take my inventory and starting acting like a complete ******* to me. In my book that's grounds for FIRING, so I cut it. It hurt, still hurts and I'm really doing recovery work around it but its not getting any better. We talked a couple weeks after the "break up" and it was calm and mature. Resentments were discussed and amends were made. In that conversation he let me know he's still very sick and has a lot of work to do and he wasn't going to date until he had a year because it was too much for him to handle. He also had the pleasure of taking my inventory one last time by saying "You are the only girl I know that is sick enough to date me." Which I promptly blew off as a projection and let go. So naturally after the "break up talk" I thought that we were cool and could at least be cordial to each other at meetings etc.
Since that "talk" I've seen him at many meetings, and I am still going thru it. I have shared my **** (not about him, other ****) at group level and see him looking at me at times during the meetings. I have reached out to him after meetings, at breaks etc, just to say hello, or goodbye and give him a quick hug just like I do to everyone at all meetings. I'm not trying to be near him or get him back, I'm just doing my part to make us both comfortable.
Last week I'd ****** had it with making the effort. He walks around with a ****** smirk that I wanna slap off of his face and pretends like he doesn't know me. HELLO YOU **** we were sleeping together, and I cared about you!!! Anyway, that **** stings and its upsetting me because I feel so rejected and rejection brings up so many things for me.
So today, I kept looking at his myface profile and found he was flirting with a girl and my head starting spinning and I started getting really upset about it. I'm assuming he's sleeping with this girl and assumption gets me NO WHERE, and its none of my biz. BUT it still hurts, I still feel rejected even though I broke it off with him and I feel really used by him and that feeling SUCKS. This was the first time I'd been in a relationship CLEAN and was the real me and I got rejected. And that is what I'm really upset over. He didn't want me and treated me like crap. For the first time in my life I was REAL and he didn't want to love me, and treated me like crap and that makes me super sad.
The insanity started all because of ****** myspace, so I took action and DELETED my account. I'm off it, done, and I feel FREE already. He is who he is and I know I can't change his behavior. I am harboring major resentments towards him right now, and I will work thru those. I'm angry that he treats me like a stranger when I see him at meetings, because its so HIGH SCHOOL to act that way. I'm taking action around that also, and not going to the meetings where I know he will be. I'm not getting recovery when he's in the room and I'm really grateful I didn't turn this into a crisis and use over it. Cuz a dumb boy ain't worth risking my recovery!
Thanks for letting me share/vent Sleep Well
Heartinpieces
Starting a New Life
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 104
Everyone needs to vent sometimes. And this is the best place to do it, around others who understand everything you're going through. I'm glad you didnt use today. Every day clean is an amazing day and something to be proud of. There shouldnt be anything that would make you want to relapse. Hope you're doing well.
Obsessed Pug Momma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Probably at Wal-Mart
Posts: 1,331
((((((((((((((((((Heartinpieces)))))))))))))))))))
I've been through something very similar, so I do understand your pain. It's very hard to still for me to be around the guy (in meetings) who hurt me. He used a lot of bullying tactics during the meetings (like sitting 12 inches behind me every meeting, threatening to share my secrets and even waiting in the dark by my truck). All I can say is that I had to work very closely with my sponsor and girlfriends, applied spiritual principles the best I could to avoid making the situation worse, and not let him drive me out of the rooms no matter what (although I agree attending different meetings if possible could be very helpful to you). Just don't give up. In my case, the guy has not changed, but I"ve grown better able to cope with his behavior. My self-respect has grown tremendously from doing the right things instead of stooping to his level. It's taken time and work. The beginning was the hardest, but it has gotten much better. I hope this helps. Love you.
I've been through something very similar, so I do understand your pain. It's very hard to still for me to be around the guy (in meetings) who hurt me. He used a lot of bullying tactics during the meetings (like sitting 12 inches behind me every meeting, threatening to share my secrets and even waiting in the dark by my truck). All I can say is that I had to work very closely with my sponsor and girlfriends, applied spiritual principles the best I could to avoid making the situation worse, and not let him drive me out of the rooms no matter what (although I agree attending different meetings if possible could be very helpful to you). Just don't give up. In my case, the guy has not changed, but I"ve grown better able to cope with his behavior. My self-respect has grown tremendously from doing the right things instead of stooping to his level. It's taken time and work. The beginning was the hardest, but it has gotten much better. I hope this helps. Love you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
((((Heartinpieces))))
You are processing and healing and taking positive, healthy actions for yourself. I am so very PROUD of you. Honestly. I think you are doing great. When I read your post, I kept thinking, "This woman has emotional sobriety, too. Wow."
Come here anytime for venting, support, ES&H and love, Heartinpieces. We are glad you're here.
You are processing and healing and taking positive, healthy actions for yourself. I am so very PROUD of you. Honestly. I think you are doing great. When I read your post, I kept thinking, "This woman has emotional sobriety, too. Wow."
Come here anytime for venting, support, ES&H and love, Heartinpieces. We are glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Take the suggestion to not get involved with anyone while in early recovery very seriously. You can read a ton of stuff here on SR about the pain caused by a relationship gone wrong while in recovery. It's all too common. 13 Steppers abound in AA... you have learned an important lesson. You will triumph over this creep and recognize the next one that comes along.:uzi2:
You are getting to know yourself and your weaknesses and like Phinneas said you are making great strides in your emotional recovery as well!
Your vent caused you to make a good choice for yourself!! Well done!
You are getting to know yourself and your weaknesses and like Phinneas said you are making great strides in your emotional recovery as well!
Your vent caused you to make a good choice for yourself!! Well done!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mississauga Ontario
Posts: 296
i have to agree with her........but this IS THE NA AREA.........
i have had to burry two sponsee newcomers(in there first year and a half clean...thinking they were unique)
now i wont sponsor any newcomers,or basicly anyone with under 2 years clean.most of my sponsees sponsor newcomers,but unless the newcomer is married,they try to make a run thru the steps first to see where they had issues in past relationships.
i think we all come in here walking wounded,carrying all our past pain.
the steps led me to know who i was,and how to have relationships.
i have had to burry two sponsee newcomers(in there first year and a half clean...thinking they were unique)
now i wont sponsor any newcomers,or basicly anyone with under 2 years clean.most of my sponsees sponsor newcomers,but unless the newcomer is married,they try to make a run thru the steps first to see where they had issues in past relationships.
i think we all come in here walking wounded,carrying all our past pain.
the steps led me to know who i was,and how to have relationships.
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
Sorry about that.........
Originally Posted by Heartinpieces
Well, I'm allergic to cats. Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Nor Cal
Posts: 119
Thanks for your apology I do appreciate it. After I woke up the next day I felt free, I really processed this experience in writing and learned a lot from it. I am trying to not get into another relationship until I have 1 year clean, and am taking that 1 day at a time. I'm reading my first step to my sponsor on saturday and have shared this at women's meetings and with my support group.
Writing is a major outlet for me. I can actually SEE the deeper issue in front of me... DUH!! And, I can see the changes I have made in my behavior also. No wonder my sponsor tells me to write LOLOL!!!
I really appreciate people's suggestions in this forum. Not only did it help me when I was writing here about my exabf in the naranon forum, but it also played a major part in me admitting that I too am an addict.
Thanks again!
HUGS
Heartinpieces
Writing is a major outlet for me. I can actually SEE the deeper issue in front of me... DUH!! And, I can see the changes I have made in my behavior also. No wonder my sponsor tells me to write LOLOL!!!
I really appreciate people's suggestions in this forum. Not only did it help me when I was writing here about my exabf in the naranon forum, but it also played a major part in me admitting that I too am an addict.
Thanks again!
HUGS
Heartinpieces
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