deadflag

never thought this would happen- havent felt like relapsing my entire time in recovery-but expected it would happen at some point- im using all my tools in my tool box but im just having a rough go of things- just had a new baby -depression is at an all time peak-and i hate the meetings in this area- cant quite get over the fact that so many registered sex offeders attend- real problem with acceptance right now- my sponser says i may want to try alanon because my symptom at the moment is despising people-i feel very rebellious and self centered- my prayers seem to be a scattered smattering of guilt and frustration- im just stuck- i dont even care that i am coming up on ten years- i have been relapsing in my head for days now and it hurts so bad i have even forced myself to some meetings-which is difficult with a newborn-started smoking again- just plain not doing well and kind of scared- im using all the resources at my avail- meetings -lit-journaling-art-shrink-meds- and god of course- i just want to escape so bad its killing me-whats worse is i know all the jargon so pat answers are just making me more irritated- any new twists on this old process would be delightful-

Imagine

Deadflag; 10 years, WOW, that's great!!! Don't give up on your tools, you will get thru this, but you know that. As far as the registered sex offenders at the meetings go, being a victim as a child of their s#!t, it would put my recovery in danger, since I'm not responseable for noones recovery but my own, I would have to find another meeting. You just keep on doing the right thing, if that's not working do the next right thing. You've came a long way and have been blessed with a new baby, you don't want to go back. I praying for you....Love and Peace, Jerome an addict.

deadflag

thanks jerome-i know it will pass i just feel really vulnerable right now glad i found this site

Paulie

I have been there, that vulnerable feeling. Just do what is in front of you. I dont' have any new twists on the old stuff. My head likes to tell me I do sometimes LOL, but I don't. the old stuff works, but we have to work it. Stay in gratitude.

God Bless.

Gooch

Been doing this for a while myself Deadflag. Had some nearly devastating lows in the nearly 14 years and those moments that drag along for hours and sometimes days where alls I could do was remember that being clean had to be better than getting loaded. After all I had friends in the program who had been through more and worse and like it says in the text "hung on through hell and high water"..

I feel the need to tell you that there is light on the other side of things. while "abstinance doesn't equal recovery" it is the foundation the pyramid is built on. The broader the base the highre the point of freedom.

Thanks for joining us and sharing your ES & H. Getting to know all these others at this site has broadened my base, as I hope it will yours.

namommy

Deadflag,

As the others have said, I have no new twists. The cliches have become cliches for a reason. They work.

Hang in there, if you have been around for 10 years, you already know that everything in life is temporary and as I duck for cover, I say, This too shall pass.

I love the NA forum here, but I also spend alot of time in the Women in Recovery forum. Maybe you should check it out. (I am assuming you are a women since you are experiencing depression after a newborn).