Don W

Today I'm lost, I can only speak from my heart. I have so many things going on in my mind. A few weeks ago I looked at my Mother. We had to place her in a nursing home. I couldn' t help picturing her protecting me from another beating from my father. I'm ashamed but, I felt just as helpless as she must have felt. So many times, she protected me, yet she is blind alone and I can't change this. I have chosen to drink in order to escape. So many things have come into my mind, I listen and read all the thoughts of others. I think, the best way to describe it, is some times the people don't provide answers to me but, questions. I start to question my method of recovery. I have stopped taking my medication, I have not gone to the V A for my PTSD meeting in weeks. Off, the medication, I have gone back to having nightmares about Vietnam. I have decided that if I stay away long enough that you will forget me. I don't want you to forget me. This will be difficult to do. I am thinking that I'll contact my counselor at the VA. I'm sure they'll be upset, and I feel stupid having to admit I made a mistake. However, maybe I can avoid this. I have 2 months supply of my medication. That won't work, I'm going to e-mail and set an appointment for Friday. Do you think this is right? Should I even ask you, when I've let you all down. Don W

Ann

Don, you haven't let anyone down, except perhaps yourself. Contacting a VA counsellor would be a good start, Don. Reach out and ask for help from those who can help you best.

You know this isn't the answer to your problems, and the sooner you brush yourself off and get back on track, the better everything will be.

We're here and we care, Don, and speaking for myself, I have no intention of forgetting you and will wait patiently in the seat next to the one we are saving for you.

Hugs and Prayers
Ann

Wolfstarr

Oh Don,

I am so happy to see you here posting...it is such a good good thing. Oh my dear friend we will never never forget you. You can do this, Don. Contact the counselor, go on Friday in fact I have an appt too on that day.
You are so loved and cared for here. I have missed you so much. My heart is warmed that you are here with your family. We love you Don.
Now, love you. Take care of you. You mean so much to so many, and I am one of them.
My heart goes to you...
Vivian

cwohio

i agree with ann don - contact the VA - you are not the first and won't be the last to have slipped. just the fact that you are coming here and posting again shows that something in you wants to fight your addiction and demons. i feel for you and i think you know that my husband was also a vietnam vet and fought the same demons you are fighting. i pray that you will do what you need to so that you can love life again. you are an inspiration, flaws and all! (((((donw))))

Chy

(((Don))) Do whatever you need to to take care of yourself. You owe no apology here.

Thirty

Don,
Get the appt. ASAP. Talk to your counselor. Talk to Us. Everyone here cares

30

bikewench

Gee Don...

there ya go being all human and stuff again... ;o)


So good to see you..

Justme57

Oh! Don! You have been such an inspiration , and a loving friend to so many , whatever makes you think we would forget you ?

I am so glad to see you posting , and reaching out for help, as so many have done to you in the past, now it is your time to lean a little on us. That is why we are all here, to support each other in our times of need!

Pick yourself up, and do whatever it takes to be good to YOU.We will be here , always .

For you

HUGX
Lee

mendingheart

Don, be kind to yourself. You have discovered a new strength within yourself.....you took a few steps backwards, and now are strong enough to change the path forward.
Get up , dust yourself off, and breathe.
It is a new day, and a new year.
hugs and bless you!
Mendingheart

BigSis

How incredibly brave you are!

To come in here and bare all -- I admire that strength in you.

You have the power to make some changes... this is a big one.

Small, itty, bitty bites, Don.

I wish you the best...

Time2Surrender

(((Don))). We walked around Manhatten together. We all wore the same t-shirts. We went on a harbor cruise wearing ridiculas hats. Sorry, but there is no way I am going to forget you. No appology needed around here. As for the VA? Contact your counselor. We all make mistakes. I had the fortune of meeting you and your wife last June. Your a good man. Please hang in there.

angelgirl

Oh Don,,

It's so good to see you posting here... I have so many times seen your name at the top of my screen at night, knowing you were here on SR also. I wished so much that you were still here on MH posting.

Like everyone else said.. You have not let anyone down.. So many of us have done things that we regret.. But, we pull up the boot straps and move ahead. That's what it's all about. So make your appt. Face your counselors, and get it done You will be headed in the right direction again.. That's the important thing..

We LOVE you Done.. Don't forget that. We really want you here.
This isn't easy.. But together,, we live and learn..

Love ya,
Becky

shutterbug

Don....you haven't let us down and just the responses you've gotten ought to let you know that you were missed and not so easily forgotten!

I haven't read all the responses yet, but I think you know what you need to do and you are doing that. It's sometimes hard to admit mistakes when we have worked so hard to overcome them, but it takes a stronger person to admit the mistakes than to hide them. Use this to help you learn how not to ever get to this point again. Talk with your counselor, take your meds, go to your meetings, keep coming here. We love you and won't leave you!

quercusalba

Seconding everyone - you are needed and loved.

You are your own worst critic and tormentor. Just stop. Be. You are such a worthy human being. That you are talking about what ails you is a good thing. You are aware, and you can come back and be ok.

Think of the baby panda, Don - he's been sleeping in a bowl lately - how can that not make you smile?

You'll be ok. I know you love your mom. Just please remember to take care of yourself.

--anne

shockozulu

Forget you? Ha, it should be so easy.

In fact, I was just thinking of you when i posted the Munich-warning thread over at the PTSD board.

You took the big step by admitting your fault. Now do what you need to do and know we are here for you.

best

Don
You let no one down.

I figured you would be back when you are ready and I am glad to see it is sooner then later that you came back.

Get back on the horse and lets finish this ride. The trail is nice this time of year... we only need get on it and see.

historyteach

Ditto to what Mike said here!
No, I'm not going to forget you. Don, I love you. And I want you to be happy again. To regain your serenity. To enjoy life once more.
Be well, Don...
And give my love to Debby.
Either one of you can feel free to call me. I'll be here.

Shalom!

Don W

Thanks everyone, I chickened out and drank again Thursday night rather than face the music. However, while drinking decide it must stop. I called my VA counselor and explained. She was caring but, firm. I must follow the program, no excuses etc. Every Friday my meeting. I've asked them to start checking me with urine test. Having gone to a new job, this wasn't happening. I guess I need this tool to encourage me to be not to drink. Not happy needing something over my head but, that is life. Not drinking and giving urine samples is a better life. I'm going to consider it medication which by the way, I also agreed to take. Isolating from you and others was strangely like a punishment and didn't allow me to drink in peace. I found myself on a stool wondering how everyone was doing. Drinking, I'm no help to my mother, family, friends, my SR family or myself. There has been some progress I'm focusing on. In the past I'd drink for years before going back for help. I'd continue to search for a new bottom as the escape hatch got further away. This time I'm back after only a month. Going to visit my mom Saturday so must get to bed.

bikewench

That's a biggie Don..

cwohio

the big guy in the sky is on the sidelines calling the plays don w! your cheerleading section here is cheering for you!