PlasticInsanity

Does anyone else use this as a coping mechanism? I've realized I use this as I would drugs; it's an escape from reality which gives me a sense of relief and power/control.

Threshold

Yes, I did for decades. When I got into recovery I realized that is was an addiction for me, something I put between me and the world as an escape rather than addressing issues in my life.

Apparently this is pretty common and there are recovery groups for it as it tends to have a progression which eventually leads to attempts and actual suicide in some people . I was a good case of that. I intentionally overdosed a few years ago.

I got into recovery for suicidal ideation. It's something I need to be vigilant about.

caboblanco

suicidal ideation and fantasies in a deep depression was a coping mechanism and a comfort for me as twisted as that sounds

Gal220

Wow, I didn't know this was a "thing". I thought I was just a horrible person. I tried to kill myself when I was 17, started drinking seriously at 21, got sober at 24, but have never been able to stop resorting to thoughts of suicide when I get depressed. I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I will always do that. Did you go to therapy for this? I've never heard of a recovery group for something like this.

Threshold

Home Page

http://www.suicideanonymous.net/uplo...ET_ok_copy.pdf

Gal220

Wow, thank you! I don't know about the talking with others whenever I have thoughts part. I don't know anyone who would understand. But it's good to know this is something people overcome. Becoming master of my thoughts seems impossible.

Threshold

Several months ago a metaphor was given to me concerning thoughts.

They are rather like dogs, that come and go walking along the street. I can choose to watch them wander by, or decide to follow one, or even choose to keep one around, feeding it, caring for it and building a relationship with it.

Thoughts just occur, I can't control that, but I can learn to choose, which to let go by, which to follow, and which to make a pet of.

Prefuld

Hi all, I have had suicidal ideation for about 10 years, just found out recently I was a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder which has as one of its many symptoms suicidal thoughts and self harm. I guess whats important to note is that I am still alive, still growing through the issues and getting on with life. I advise people to get help, find a good psychologist or other practitioner and get diagnosed. Have some tests done and get some answers. My diagnosis has been like a light blinking on for the first time. I am still poor, have other medical issues due to years of lack of self care. Now though I can see all the patterns I was acting out, trying to find nurturing in all the wrong ways. It has been a revelation to me. Previously I was afraid of shrinks etc due to being abused in psychiatric care as a kid. But now I can move on and with some therapy may rescue what is left of life on earth. Don't give up, there is a way through this mental maze. You can learn to love yourself and your life can be rich in spirit. Stay well all and thanks Beyond Blue & ASCA

DylanS

For me, suicidal ideation started as a young kid: I was living in a near-intolerable situation and, having no power to leave or change the situation, my brain came up with a way out to help me cope. Knowing I had an 'escape hatch' enabled me to cope.

Nowadays, when suicide comes up in my mind, it's simply a red flag that I'm feeling overwhelmed and need more support.

It doesn't have to be a "thing" or yet another way to distrust one's self. For me, it was simply an issue of translation: "HELP!"

mydruggie

Since my schizophrenia diagnosis almost 3 years ago, I've thought about suicide probably everyday. Definitely 98% of those days for sure.

I would basically use marijuana to cope with it and some other problems that I have.

Dee74

I think marijuana would be one of the worst drugs for schizophrenia MyDruggie, so I'm glad you're trying to quit.

D

mydruggie

it is, in a way, and it isn't, in other ways. but yeah. scientifically, its the worst for a schizo. because it does the exact opposite of anti psychotic drugs.

Raider

I have never heard of this. I must be lucky in that I have never had a suicidal thought. I am sorry that you do. Prayers your way.

spryte

I have had suicidal ideation since my teens. It was always my 'out'. If things get too much, I can just off myself. I found it soothing. But I would always follow up by thinking, 'but I would never do that because I could not do that to my family.' And then my father died, and my mother got dementia. So those preventative people were no longer there.

And it got me rethinking the whole thing. I don't let myself think about suicide anymore. It is frightening to think that I have to face anything and everything in life, especially when I'm paranoid, and my mind can dream up all sorts of horrible things to face.

But at least I know now that I'm paranoid. I try to catch these thoughts when they come up and recognize them as such.

I would also echo Dee in his comments about marijuana. I don't have schizophrenia, but I've had psychosis and paranoia and I have found weed - over all drugs - and I've done them all - to be the most damaging to my mental health.

courage2

Suicidal ideation was a big hiding place for me when I was depressed. The worst (and the best in terms of sick comfort) was a while when I fantasized continuously that I was already dead. Even now, it's like a knee-jerk reaction. I use it to persuade myself that some mistake of mine or source of anxiety can be made to go away -- it's the ultimate maladaptive coping.

I recommend developing a better kind of fantasy. Aruba beaches, anyone? Really!

tornrealization

This is the first time I've heard of this.

Probably won't be the last. My drinking would get me depressed and thoughts of just ending it would cloud my mind - for years. These were bad days of drinking. Good days where cloud nine.

I was really drunk and I finally got scary and acted by cutting - got scared and called the paramedics and earned myself a hostipal visit.

I tried to tell the counselors I'm OK - drunken mistake. They didn't buy it. I guess this is something else I'm going to have to realize isn't just a fleeting spontanteous thought process anymore. It may have been just an act in the moment but I'm sure once I start treatment or working with a therapist, it will be an issue.

I still can't believe I did it.

pinkbutterfly

Interesting never saw that as an addiction but it makes sense, I started having suicidal ideation at age 12. I have made a number of suicide attempts, my last one ended me in the ICU. Yet I still think about it sometimes. Sometimes I get obsessed with thinking about it, what I would do how I would do it but not actually doing anything. The thing is I never really want to die, it's more this way out in my mind. Sometimes I feel so stuck, like I don't want to live but I don't want to die, I don't want to use but I do, it's messed up I know. I've been known to threaten to hurt myself and scare people, though at the time it's the feeling of desperation that I am feeling, people see it as manipulative but that is not my intention.