I finally cleaned one of the rooms
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
I finally cleaned one of the rooms
Since my xabf started drinking again about two months ago, I not only stopped seeing him, I stopped cleaning my condo. I would start projects, like laundry or paperwork, and not finish them. I'm normally a fairly tidy person.
I just couldn't finish anything. I've just been stepping over the stuff on the floor instead of picking it up. It's been hard to be here really.
He and I have been no contact for awhile. It's made me a little more worried about him, but it's been helping me. I'm feeling better today. Better enough to want to clean a room. I cleaned my bedroom: picked up all the clothes off the floor, put away papers, books, etc. Cleaned off my night stand. It's all clean. One clean room for the first time in months. It feels pretty great.
I just couldn't finish anything. I've just been stepping over the stuff on the floor instead of picking it up. It's been hard to be here really.
He and I have been no contact for awhile. It's made me a little more worried about him, but it's been helping me. I'm feeling better today. Better enough to want to clean a room. I cleaned my bedroom: picked up all the clothes off the floor, put away papers, books, etc. Cleaned off my night stand. It's all clean. One clean room for the first time in months. It feels pretty great.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
No contact is best for me. Cleaning can be ok. one bite of the elaphant at a time. If everything has a place it helps. I don't like too much clutter so I take stuff to the salvation army. "If I don't love it, I give to someone else to love it. " Oprah says that. It is easier to live without clutter. I don't keep "wish" clothes anymore. Anyway I hope you are feeling better. I have been there. I saw a show on PBS last night on the emotional life about the brain and depression.....on tonight too. I have been depressed but am coming out of it now. Getting sunshine and walking help. Hang in there. Stay busy. Stay with healthy friends. I took a yoga class. I learned to meditate. Stay close to the rooms and SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
often, when i feel overwhelmed or am suffering, doing a simple task like washing the kitchen floor makes me feel better. i try to remain present during the task (think zen monk sweeping leaves daily) and i also remind myself to do my very best, do the task 100%.
in disciplining myself to perform a simple task, i find that my mind eases and the spinning stops.
and then, of course, i have a nice result also...
it's called the KISS philosophy...keep it simple...works everytime.
in disciplining myself to perform a simple task, i find that my mind eases and the spinning stops.
and then, of course, i have a nice result also...
it's called the KISS philosophy...keep it simple...works everytime.
miyah
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Hi KP
The last two months XABF lived in my home, I let the housework slip too. It hardly seemed worth it when the whole place smelled like booze.
I started cleaning the morning he went to jail. Like you I started with one room, my bedroom.
I sprayed Febreze throughout the rest of the house until I could get to the other rooms.
I was appalled at how messy my house was. Actually I was appalled at how stressed and anxious I had let myself become.
The last two months XABF lived in my home, I let the housework slip too. It hardly seemed worth it when the whole place smelled like booze.
I started cleaning the morning he went to jail. Like you I started with one room, my bedroom.
I sprayed Febreze throughout the rest of the house until I could get to the other rooms.
I was appalled at how messy my house was. Actually I was appalled at how stressed and anxious I had let myself become.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Yes! Good for you!
Cleaning always makes me feel better, and when I lived with XAH, it seemed like there was *always* some mess or other to clean. He and his son couldn't walk through the apartment without wreaking havoc. I constantly picked up dirty socks off the floor, cleaned booze spills left to dry and go sticky, empty beer glasses left rolling around on the living room floor, various food spills not picked up, and in the kitchen...UGH, XAH couldn't cook without splashing, spilling, burning things and then leaving it all there for me to clean up.
The first week-end after I left him, I sat in my parents' house, with its clean floors and tidy rooms and I cried. Order and cleanliness are SO important to me and I'd spent 5 years struggling to get them back. Once they were handed to me in a platter, I was just so grateful!
Cleaning always makes me feel better, and when I lived with XAH, it seemed like there was *always* some mess or other to clean. He and his son couldn't walk through the apartment without wreaking havoc. I constantly picked up dirty socks off the floor, cleaned booze spills left to dry and go sticky, empty beer glasses left rolling around on the living room floor, various food spills not picked up, and in the kitchen...UGH, XAH couldn't cook without splashing, spilling, burning things and then leaving it all there for me to clean up.
The first week-end after I left him, I sat in my parents' house, with its clean floors and tidy rooms and I cried. Order and cleanliness are SO important to me and I'd spent 5 years struggling to get them back. Once they were handed to me in a platter, I was just so grateful!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Suggestion... hire someone to clean your home. You can do it just once to get you started, or every week or two, or even once a month. A less expensive approach might be to get a neighborhood teenager to do it, or to help. Perhaps if there's a kid in your home cleaning, you'll be motivated to clean WITH her (or him). And they always love a little cash.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Thanks!
Tigger, I really like the way you think! I decided to spend my money on learning a new snow sport though - trying to stay as busy as possible.
That's the thing though. I just didn't want to be home anymore. I keep going out in the snow and getting out of this place as much as I can. I thought it was a good sign that I actually cleaned a room finally. Maybe I've decided to reclaim my space. Or maybe it's a sign that I care about my own space again?
So right now, I care about my bedroom space; but the living room, kitchen, laundry room, and bathroom counter are still trashed. One step at a time, right!!!
Tigger, I really like the way you think! I decided to spend my money on learning a new snow sport though - trying to stay as busy as possible.
That's the thing though. I just didn't want to be home anymore. I keep going out in the snow and getting out of this place as much as I can. I thought it was a good sign that I actually cleaned a room finally. Maybe I've decided to reclaim my space. Or maybe it's a sign that I care about my own space again?
So right now, I care about my bedroom space; but the living room, kitchen, laundry room, and bathroom counter are still trashed. One step at a time, right!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I like to consider how long it took for me to let something go to pieces before I place an expectation on myself.
It took me years to get fed up enough to leave my XABF so I expect it may take years before I could see him and not want to throttle him.
It took me years to take on all the unhealthy habits I have with eating and I have no expectation they'll be gone tomorrow because I want them to be. I've been changing small things for over a year now and some things are finally a habit rather than a struggle.
Cleaning one room or even one surface at a time is a great pace to get started in. We're not wizards. The house doesn't get clean in a blink of an eye. It's something you tackle over time and eventually your are just maintaining the place instead of bulldozing it.
Try my favorite method. I set a timer for 10 minutes. I grab a towel and some cleaner and and just go, go, go till I hear the beep, then I'm done for the day. I actually get a lot done when I don't have to worry about if I'm taking too long or if I should be doing something else.
Alice
It took me years to get fed up enough to leave my XABF so I expect it may take years before I could see him and not want to throttle him.
It took me years to take on all the unhealthy habits I have with eating and I have no expectation they'll be gone tomorrow because I want them to be. I've been changing small things for over a year now and some things are finally a habit rather than a struggle.
Cleaning one room or even one surface at a time is a great pace to get started in. We're not wizards. The house doesn't get clean in a blink of an eye. It's something you tackle over time and eventually your are just maintaining the place instead of bulldozing it.
Try my favorite method. I set a timer for 10 minutes. I grab a towel and some cleaner and and just go, go, go till I hear the beep, then I'm done for the day. I actually get a lot done when I don't have to worry about if I'm taking too long or if I should be doing something else.
Alice
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