Paid the lawyer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Paid the lawyer
I filed for divorce yesterday and realized I'm in the wrong business.
Of course AH called at five am talking ninety to nothing, had been up all night working in the oil fields and I started to ask him if he was on anything. but then I thought: What does it matter? This is no longer my problem. So I didn't. Just let him go on and then said bye.
I'll admit, when I got up a while later, at first I was thinking...OMG, I'm getting a divorce today. and then I thought, screw that. So I fixed my hair, put on makeup, dressed up. Called and set up an interview with another school. and I smiled.
I figured this was the first day of the rest of my life.
It was odd, sitting in the office, talking so very...business like about the entire situation of ending a marraige. But I guess at this point, that's all it is, isn't it?
I was sad it had come to that point, but not upset/sad in what I was doing, or why, maybe. Does that make any sense? I even looked at the laywer at one point and said, "It seems like I should be crying, or something."
He just smiled and said, "why? You realized his disease doens't have to be yours." (his family deals with this as well).
I don't know, I was just all....twisted up...about filing for divorce, yet clear as well. I knew this was what I had to do. I wasn't doing it to hurt or 'try to get AH to 'see' the error of his ways". That, I realized awhile back was a waste of time and energy.
I'm sad for what can't be, what will never be. But it hasn't been for a long, long time, ya know? You can't work with maybe's--or I've learned I can't. I was holding onto an old dream. and the new one, though cloudy and a bit scary, is ...encouraging. Hopeful. I'm rather excited. I know there will be high and low moments, stress, the kids wondering again why dad just can't stop drinking, but we'll work through those.
Not sure why I posted, just wanted to share. I realized that if it wasn't so hard to actuall do the deed, I must have let go, or come to terms with things more than I had realized. Sounds odd, I guess, but it's comforting as well.
Life is looking promising. and I can breathe. And think. And I can see ME and you know what? I rather like me. I'm not perfect, will never be and that's okay. I love me anyway.
Best to you all here at SR. Today is a beautiful day!
Smile really big, it's likely to confuse most people.
Of course AH called at five am talking ninety to nothing, had been up all night working in the oil fields and I started to ask him if he was on anything. but then I thought: What does it matter? This is no longer my problem. So I didn't. Just let him go on and then said bye.
I'll admit, when I got up a while later, at first I was thinking...OMG, I'm getting a divorce today. and then I thought, screw that. So I fixed my hair, put on makeup, dressed up. Called and set up an interview with another school. and I smiled.
I figured this was the first day of the rest of my life.
It was odd, sitting in the office, talking so very...business like about the entire situation of ending a marraige. But I guess at this point, that's all it is, isn't it?
I was sad it had come to that point, but not upset/sad in what I was doing, or why, maybe. Does that make any sense? I even looked at the laywer at one point and said, "It seems like I should be crying, or something."
He just smiled and said, "why? You realized his disease doens't have to be yours." (his family deals with this as well).
I don't know, I was just all....twisted up...about filing for divorce, yet clear as well. I knew this was what I had to do. I wasn't doing it to hurt or 'try to get AH to 'see' the error of his ways". That, I realized awhile back was a waste of time and energy.
I'm sad for what can't be, what will never be. But it hasn't been for a long, long time, ya know? You can't work with maybe's--or I've learned I can't. I was holding onto an old dream. and the new one, though cloudy and a bit scary, is ...encouraging. Hopeful. I'm rather excited. I know there will be high and low moments, stress, the kids wondering again why dad just can't stop drinking, but we'll work through those.
Not sure why I posted, just wanted to share. I realized that if it wasn't so hard to actuall do the deed, I must have let go, or come to terms with things more than I had realized. Sounds odd, I guess, but it's comforting as well.
Life is looking promising. and I can breathe. And think. And I can see ME and you know what? I rather like me. I'm not perfect, will never be and that's okay. I love me anyway.
Best to you all here at SR. Today is a beautiful day!
Smile really big, it's likely to confuse most people.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
You konw after a while I think we all just can only take so much and then we deal with our feelings and we move on. We decide we have to for our own sanity. Sounds like what you are doing. HOpe teh interview goes well.
survivor
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: florida usa
Posts: 25
Congratulations! I am exactly where you are, and trying to work through the same feelings, especially with the kids. We can do it! And today is the first day of the rest of our lives. I need to remember that every day when I wake up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I love this post, too. Especially this part:
L
Originally Posted by fartheralong
Life is looking promising. and I can breathe. And think. And I can see ME and you know what? I rather like me. I'm not perfect, will never be and that's okay. I love me anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
Thanks, everyone. I do feel good. He just called to talk to the boys and griped about what I was doing. Obviously I must be talking to someone who's convinced me to do this. It's nice to know I'm so stupid I coulnd't have an original thought in my own head. Or be intelligent enough to save money, find a lawyer that could get the job done for a reasonable price and get the ball rolling. NOOOOOoooooo. By, God! It must be my aunt, or that aunt, or my sister, or my cousin, my best friend. sigh. I realized either 1) I've scared the crap out of him, thus he must try to belittle me. 2) or he honestly doesnt' think I can do a blessed thing on my own. either or, neither is acceptable. Just another thing to remember that I won't miss. 
Wishing you all a good evening.
FA
Wishing you all a good evening.
FA
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