GettingFree

After 3 months on short-term-disability -- and a much-needed break from a terribly toxic work environment -- I've learned that the insurance company has called it quits on my benefits. The reasons are frustrating and I do have the option to appeal. However, I'm not sure I want to. Yes, I have lots of pain, but I don't know if I want that to be the deciding factor.

I am feeling a lot more comfortable with the decision to go freelance. It actually is feeling good and right -- and is the best thing for my back. The option of going into a 9 to 5 office setting right now, even in a positive working environment, would be very hard physically.And my industry is often anything but 9 to 5. Being able to attend meetings and client presentations on an as-need basis and do the rest of my work from home will be far better. And I know I will have a decent amount of freelance work from one company already that I've already done some work for.

So here's the thing: I am considering proposing that I transition out of being a full-time employee and offer my services on a freelance retainer basis to my current employer. I don't know if the CEO will go for this or not. He could see it as a good solution -- or not.

I am thinking this may be a good half-way solution to see me through the transition from salaried employee to freelance entrepeneur.

Now for my question....am I crazy or simply delusional for thinking I could have anything to do with this company that has been so toxic in the past? Is wishful thinking getting the better of me? Is fear of not having enough of a cushion pulling me back into something that I should stay away from?

OR.... could it actually be realistic to think I could handle this and it could be a way to make the 'system' work for me? Can I detach sufficiently -- or am I setting myself up?

I know I just have to sit with this and see how it feels. I've tentatively agreed to meet with my CEO on Monday.

thanks all....

whir,whir,whir...the sound of my brain!

gf

Cynay

Personally something can only be toxic for you if you let it.... I dont see why you could not give it a try... if it does not work out you really have not lost anything right?

I think too its easier to detach when you keep the focus on you... and with your own business you will have to be focused on you right???

Minx1969

I think you have good instincts.

I also think that there is a different mindset then being an employee vs. being a freelancer..You will be more in control of the situation as a freelancer..After all it is truly your choice to take the work..(less stigma then being fired or whatever)..

The great thing about being a freelancer is that you get to bill for all those crazy hours..

mallowcup

I maintain a per diem status but work almost full time year round. That is kind of like being freelance. There is a huge difference in the mindset. When you are freelance , your reasons for doing it are always the right reasons.

Jazzman

Only one way to find out. Just present it as a business proposition, include lots of bullet points that put a spin on it that YOU are solving HIS problem...

Go for it. No guts, no glory..

DesertEyes

Been there done that. I could rant all week on insurance companies.

I don't think that's the question. The way it works for me is that when I'm stuck and unable to make up my mind as to what plan of action to follow it's because I am lacking enough information. What I'm hearing from you is a lot of plans, but they are all mutually exclusive, and I don't hear any backup plans.

Let's do this backwards. Start with the end result. That would be make enough money to pay the bills.

Now you can look at how many different ways you can get that goal.

- You say you already have freelance work from one company. I'm assuming that will not occupy you full time. So that leaves a part time opening in your calendar to fill.

Here's some ideas:

- Since you are recovering from a disability have your doctor write you up to return to work part-time, with no standing (or sitting, or running or whatever) for a 6 month period. That gives you enough time to find a second free-lance gig.

- Call the state disability office and have _them_ help you find a part time job, or full time. They've been very helpful over here in Nevada.

- Get some other part time temporary job, just to to have income until your freelance work gets up to speed.

Notice that none of my ideas give the toxic boss a _choice_ to act toxic. Your putting your future in the hands of a toxic boss and his illogical mind sounds too much like and ACoA playing the same old game of "daddy will love me if..." My approach would be to use the system (i.e. the doctor) to _force_ the toxic boss to take you back part time instead of full time.

I'm afraid that expecting the toxic boss to act responsibly, to not try and get rid of you the first chance he gets, is a little bit of "ACoA insanity". You know, expecting _them_ to change as a result of our pleadings.

Whadya think?

Mike

GettingFree

Thank you all for your great responses.

The one thing I know I'm getting so much better at is letting things sit in me -- losing the sense of urgency that I have to have a decision or solution immediately. And learning a bit more to trust that the answers will come.

The one thing I know for certain, which I didn't a month ago, is that I am quite decided about not returning to this job as a full-time employee. So as to the other option...

What's been said about nothing to by lose exploring this is where my head is at. Going and presenting it does not obligate me in any way. Even agreeing to try it out does not obligate me in any way. I can call it quits anytime.

What's also been said about the different mind-set and dynamic of being freelance, of being my own boss, I think is really good to be reminded of. It validates my sense that I may be able to proceed with this option.

Mike...thanks for your thoughtful reply and you had some great info that made me think. Your comments also made me realize I don't have all the information regarding the health situation.

First up, let me say I'm in Canada, so the insurance and health system here works quite differently than in the U.S.. I'd love to know if there are any other Canadians here who has any better understanding or insights.

I think my boss may want me enough even without a doctor's note to go for part time, but the idea is I don't want to be in their 'employ' -- that may be crossing the line into too much toxic stuff. The plus side is that I may still qualify for benefits -- but he arms length dealings of freelance feels cleaner emotionally.


I have no idea how this works here in Canada. If there's any government branch that looks after that. I can investigate.

Yup, a possibility. In discussios on another freelance lead.

Wouldn't your first suggestion of part-time do this more than the avenue of exploring a freelance retainer?

I don't have any expectations of him being bound by any loyalty - or of him changing. If he agreed to this arrangement, I would go into as I would any freelance/consulting gig -- anticipating that the client could pull the plug at any time.

The big question is how I am going to feel simply relating to this individual. I guess there's only one way to find out. Face it -- with dignity -- on Monday.

I'm paying attention to those PTSD flashes I had when I got the email from the CEO a week or so ago. It wasn't as strong during this last volley, even though I winced when he addressed me in the email this time by the diminuitive form of my name (i.e. more casual/friendly) -- so hoping maybe I have the inner mettle.

For the others: I've compared the dealings with this CEO as feeling drawn back in by an A partner -- he's alternately very controlling, critical and dismissive with the opposite. It's been an emotional roller-coaster.

DesertEyes

Heya GF,

If you get a note from your doc saying you can only work part-time, then you can present that note to your toxic boss and leave him only two options: part-time employee or free-lancer. The doctors note prevents the toxic boss from coming back at you with "full time or nothing".

The underlying assumption is that the boss is toxic, which means random and unpredictable. The one thing you can totally depend on with toxic people is that they will be undependable. If you prepare a rational presentation of logical options and expect him to choose one of the rational options then I think you _are_ setting yourself up for a nasty surprise.

However, if you expect him to be irrational and unpredictable you can then structure your plan so that his only choices are according to _your_ plan.

I know you'll do fine. You've had time to regroup, you've got a good plan, you have learned a lot about how this person's manipulations "trigger" you so you are better protected, you have a plan for quickly leaving that job. You're in a much better place now than before, and the toxic boss is still in the same old rut so you have the advantage now.

All us SR folk here will be thinking of you on Monday. We may not be there in person to give this boss our thoughts on the matter, but know that we are all pulling for you

Mike

GettingFree

Thanks Mike. I'm in even a better space than when I started the thread two days ago. Feeling comfortable. Scared -- but comfortable. If that makes sense.

I realized too that I was carrying a separate burden that I cleared up this morning. I saw I was feeling afraid that my partner would 'be mad at me' for considering any work arrangement at all with this company. I had been so negatively impacted by it that I thought he'd disapprove and be critical of me entertaining this option.

We talked this morning, and while as a loving partner he has concerns because he wants me to be happy, he's entirely supportive. And trusts me to use my senses to make the right decision. So that feels good.

And this morning...well, new wrinkle. Got a call back from a headhunter about a job I had applied to on a whim some time back in a moment of fantasy. It's in Portland, Oregon. Me? Live in the U.S.? Move? Yikes. I was pulled out of 200 applicants, which was pared down to 16, now to 8. I dunno. At least there are options out there. Know anything about Portland???

thanks!
gf

denny57

I love Portland. It's a livable city with great neighborhoods, convenient public transportation, fantastic restaurants and one of my favorite bookstores - Powells. I try to go there a couple times a year.

DesertEyes

Heya GF,

Good for you! Glad you're in a better space Have visited Portland many times, it's absolutely beautiful. Small town feeling with big city services. Lots of water. Water all over. Rains all the time. 'course, I'm from the Mohave desert so my perspective on water may be different than yours

Mike

Nutty

Not sure what kind of work you do. Would it be possible for you to work from home? Or part time in the office and part time at home? You might discuss alternatives with your employer. Also, what is your workstation design? Is that contributing to your problem? If so, that falls under worker's comp and some states offer resources to help you get back to work.

I know toxic work environments, about 15 years ago I had pain in both arms and in my back. I was diagnosed with bilateral tendonitis in my arms. WC pain for treatment and for chiropractic adjustments for my back. I left that job 6 months later and the control freak owner, and didn't have any problems at the next job, even though I was doing the same work (and longer hours) at a competitor with a much better work environment.

Cynay

Portland is a wonderful city... I lived that for a couple years...

Mike is right in his decription and yes it rains ALOT... that is one of the reasons I moved from the Pacific Northwest.... but I have to say it is Gods country. During certain times of the year you can go water and snow skiing in the same day. People there are very down to earth as well.

GettingFree

Thanks Nutty. This is exactly the path I'm pursuing. However, it won't be with this company full-time.

I've made a firm decision to call it quits as a full-time salaried employee with this company -- even if they let me work from home 100% of the time, I wouldn't do it. It's too toxic in that role.

My quandry was whether to entertain any working relationship with them at all, given the bad history and emotional wear-and-tear with them.

I'd love to think that may happen. I know it can only get better! Thanks again.

GettingFree

Denny, Mike & Cynay,

Thanks for putting in a good word for Portland. Is the rain really that bad????

At this point in my life, I'd love to be in a less congested place and surrounded immediately by more beauty. (Most Americans I meet don't think of Canada as having big cities but the population of the GTA -- Greater Toronto Area -- is 5 million. That said, it is a great city!)

gf

Cynay

Is the rain that bad??? Well it depends on what you think bad is... If Im not mistaken Seattle has the highest sucide rate .. they say the weather has alot to do with it. My bestfriend and I were keeping score last year I think... she had 189 days of rain and I had 189 day of sun. Anything in excess is kinda bad I guess.

GettingFree

I did it! I had my meeting today with my CEO.

I was very anxious going in, but as soon as we began speaking, I felt calm and in control. I had requested we speak at a coffee shop on the first floor of the office building, so as to be on neutral ground rather than meeting in the office -- I think that helped me feel as an equal throughout.

I let him know where I was at -- that I had made the decision not to return full time. And I put on the table my proposal about working on a freelance/retainer basis. We spoke about how this would work, and I had been very clear in my mind ahead of time what I was prepared to do, and not, and I was really glad I stayed on course. Even when he did the spiel about really exciting things happening and they're in the middle of an acquisition. (I have options and leaving is walking away from them)

The ball's in his court now. He'll need a couple of days to think this over.

I left feeling very surreal. This may spell the very last of my dealings with this company. The fact that I had mapped out on what terms I was willing to continue any work arrangement, laid that out, knowing the risk of coming up empty, and running with that is new. Normally, compromise and placating would have been my modus operandi -- in order to keep the sure thing.

I'm now floating out over that self-employed freelance cliff. And hoping my parachute works. There's a tiny voice that's saying "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" But I just tell her, "Of course you're going to say that aren't you?"!! I'm scared, but hopeful.

Jazzman

Well I'm excited for you!

DesertEyes

Way to go GF, that is awesome. I really like your calling the meet at the neutral cafeteria, very subtle and very wise. Here on the left coast we would say you have "most excellent kung-fu".

I'm doing the happy dance for ya

Mike

Cynay

Way to go GF... bet that feels good!

Dont listen to that little voice, it always tries to get into the way of a good thing.