sunshine003

I guess I just want to complain. I'm tired. Very tired. Do you know what I'd give for 8 hours of straight sleep? Or to be able to take a nap and just wake up when my body wakes me up not because someone else is waking me up? I haven't taken a nap in at least two years. I haven't slept through the night in longer than that.

I have a sister who lives fairly close to me (about 20 minutes away). She has one child who is 15. When he was born, I was a senior in high school. I watched him for her all the time....when I say all the time, I mean a few times a week. Once I was married (the first time), she had my mom watching him all the time as well AND I always had him coming to visit me in the summers where ever I lived for weeks at a time up until he was thirteen. Whenever he needs to be picked up at school, to this day, who do you think she calls on to go get him? that's right, me....because she works. Well, do you think she ever offers to take one of mine? EVER? NOPE. I have asked her maybe twice and she makes excuses, "oh I'm sorry, I have plans...." You think you're own sister would once in a while WANT to help you out. Maybe she doesn't even want to but you think she just would because well....that's just what you do.

I realize having four kids is a lot, that's why whenever I've asked her, I ask if she'll take the boys....they're older and therefore, easier.

My mom lives a few hours away but she isn't much help either. She isn't the mom who comes to visit and just takes over. When she's here, it's like having another child to care for. She loves my children dearly but she is clueless and just no help. she doesn't help me clean, cook, nothing. she sits.

I'm just tired and run down and could really use a break. But I don't get that.

calgon, take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

greenapplecider

((((sunshine))))

Ayers1995

Oh Sunshine... I know exactly how you feel. My sister had her kids way before I did, and i took care of her kids so much as a teen everyone thought they were MINE! When I started my family my parents were still married, my sister lived right around the corner and my husband wasn't an alcoholic (yet). I had 3 babies within 16 months. During that time... my parents divorced.. my sister moved across the country and my husband started drinking alot MORE. I am staying at my moms now, and she will help with the kids, but when I was at my own home...she'd hardly come visit and when she did all she did was complain that I never come see her.

It's exhausting dealing with the day in and day out's of our lives. Kids don't understand (and they shouldn't have to) that we are mentally, emotionally and physically drained. I wish your sister would help with the boys at least, or your nephew if he's responsible enough. Can you get him to come over for a wkend or something to help out? I'd try talking to your sister and see if she can understand that you might need her more now.... It's just an idea... I know it's tough to ask for help, especially when it should be so apparent to her. I hope you get some rest soon.. Ayers

sunshine003

I suppose I could do that Day....just seems so extreme, LOL. But maybe it's my only shot.

ayers, wonderful idea....but my sister, well, she is just so into her own life she can't see past her face. She isn't the most motherly type and I can't blame her. I just wanted to vent I guess. My kids are all close in age as well. 2 1/2 years between all of them....the oldest being 9 and the youngest being 16 months. It's just tiring. Not just the kids but just the daily grind. The same old....laundry never ending, cleaning always there, etc. Someone always wanting/needing something and then, if you get just a little tired, you can't just go lay down....I think that is the worst part about parenting. I had a bad cold over the past few weeks and I think it's really taken it out of me. So, I'm feeling like I could just use a little help or a little break. Thanks for understanding.

LaTeeDa

((Sunshine))

I don't know if this will help or not, but I used to put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. (Ah, perfectionism is not a plus...) For instance, I like to cook, and I am a good cook. I used to make a homemade dinner for my family EVERY single night. No matter how tired I was or how many other things I had to do. And I work full time. One day I realized, this is crazy. Now I keep a supply of frozen pizzas, pot pies, or whatever in the freezer for when I don't feel like cooking. Or when I do cook a homemade meal, like on the weekend, I make two and freeze one so I have a ready made on to go some other night. (You know, an extra pan of enchiladas or whatever) Also, my house is sometimes clean, sometimes not. That laundry will still be there tomorrow. I don't know if you can look at all you do and maybe "lower your standards" a little, but it certainly helped me. And I get to spend more time having fun with my kids instead of ordering them around.

I guess my point is, you can resent your sister for not helping, or you can try to find a way to make your life easier all on your own. I like the hotel idea, too!

L

megamysterioso

I'm sorry you're are very stressed and tired. It is understandable considering all of those little ones. I honestly cannot imagine doing it and have no desire to find out what that is like ! You need CALGON big time. I hope you are afforded some sort of break soon whether it be through your nephew coming over or hiring a babysitter- just for a day. You do need to work something out so that you at least get one day ALL TO YOURSELF if only once every couple of months or so. It would be very good for you. Hugs to you Sunshine.

Ayers1995

((((( Sunshine ))))))

It's me... sending Calgon thoughts your way. Bubbles, hot water, a book and candles !!! Don't fall asleep!

Hope you can rest soon.......

sunshine003

thanks everyone. I think the hotel idea is a nice one....a bit extreme but sounds like a sure way to get some rest....oh, I can find one on the beach with a nice pool and lay poolside....mmmmmmmmm, I'm liking that idea.

Lateeda, I do have high expectations and have tried very hard to lower them. I let laundry wait, I let the living room get a mess sometimes, etc. But, when it catches up on me because I took an afternoon or two days to have a little fun, then it's twice as much work while playing catch up. You know what I really had to give up? my car. as in, I can never seem to find the time to clean that out. If I go outside to try, I have to take the baby with me and she's trying to run in the street, etc. I just gave up.

thanks everyone.

denny57

((sunshine))

is there a neighborhood teenager who would at least come share time with you and the kids? could give you a break and cheaper than a hotel room.

TexasGirl

Sorry Sunshine! I simply cannot imagine being at the beck and call of four children all day every day. Frankly it scares the s#*@ out of me! This is one of MANY reasons I have no kids, at least now. So know that I have great admiration for people like you! I babysat for a family when I was in HS that had 4 kids. I was exhausted after a day with them. You do need a break. Hmmmm....
Wanna come to Texas?

Aquiana

Hi there Sunshine. I don't know how you do 4 either. I have one 7 monther and that's plenty! Is there any programs for kids that run where you're from? Here there's little things that go on in the library and the pool ect. There are matinee movies in the daytime as well that are especially for little guys. Perhaps you can talk one of the neighbor kids into taking your kids for a while to something like that. Summer is near at least too. There are usually little day camps. My brother and I went to a bible camp at my mom's church and used to have a blast.

I know you're kids are pretty young still but can the older ones, or really older one in your case help you out with any little chores around the house? We had a few when we were kids and even if it was something small like cleaning one of the bathrooms once a week or doing dishes, it gave my mom a little break. My son will have a few when he's old enough.

I'm sorry you don't get much help from anyone in your family. A hotel sounds like a nice idea.

ICU

I understand the lack of sleep thing for sure. Not getting enough sleep certainly takes it's toll, both mentally and physically. I don't have any kids, but I did live with my alcoholic ex. To be honest with you, he zapped so much energy out of me it was like having 4 kids. Maybe that didn't sound nice, but it was the way I felt.

I too like the idea of going to a hotel for a night, getting a high school student to watch the kids several days a week, as you can afford it. I'm not sure if anyone spoke to this but what about sending your kids to your Mom's or your sisters overnight. Prearrange it far enough in advance so it won't conflict with any plans they might have. I'm sure if you tell your sister and your mother what you're going through right now and that you need a little extra help, they can certainly help out for one night each periodically.

I hope you get the rest that you so obviously need, and very soon. Everyone needs a break now and then.

cwohio

oh day - that's priceless - sorry you didn't get some sleep but you sure made me laugh!

Pick-a-name

...don't forget; ALL NIGHT,TOO!!!!!!!

(((Sunshine))) I'm sorry...I know the feeling,too. I had one sister that was helpful and my Mom was,too....but she died when my oldest was under 4. Same deal; son had ADHD and then a heart problem and no one would babysit. AH barely would stay with them but he got angry that I couldn't go on business trips (he went) with him because I couldn't find someone to leave the kids with for 4 or 5 days (his parents wouldn't). It's sooo tiring,I know.

The house:I did what I could, but it was down the list (AH didn't like that either). I did hire someone to come in and clean a few hours a week------bathrooms, kithchen floor, dust and sweep,etc (hoping there was a path clear to do that! ). It does get physically easier as they get older; except for the driving around! I was a stay at home, so I was always the driver it seemed. At least I knew all the kids and what was going on (too much info some times!).

Take care as best you can: hot bubble baths and later ear plugs, worked well! when I could catch a few nminutes!

mythreesons

Hi Sunshine... I feel your pain. My boys are almost 5, 2 1/2 and 8 months. We have some neighborhood kids, 12/13 year old girls and some boys who will do some mother helper time after school. They charge about $5 an hour or less. They just keep the kids out of trouble and busy, while you get a chance to make dinner or throw in a load of laundry. It is a major help, even one or two days a week. Somtimes I don't do anything, just read a magazine. Then I feel rejuvenated to finish out the day. As they get older they can babysit on their own... and the kids are familiar and comfortable with them. I hope something works out, you really need some down time for yourself.

meli2005

Totally understand and I just have one son. Sometimes I just dream about spending the whole day in bed.. It's a big fantasy of mine. I have days like you mention where I just feel sorry for myself, I feel sad, just plain burned out. I think waht you are describing is mommy burnout. I wish I had a solution for you, but I don't. But just to let you know, I UNDERSTAND!!!!:bun5