Not a day at a time?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: On the road to eternal sobriety
Posts: 12
Not a day at a time?
I stumbled upon this site five days ago when I was going through withdrawal hell. I was too depressed at the time to post so I just looked around and liked what I saw. Anyhow, I’ve been sober for 7 days now. I haven’t attended any meetings (not sure I plan to)…just come to this site to read and I have a few self-help books—one of which has been so enlightening, it has almost scared me sober.
I’m 28 years old and this is the longest I’ve been without a drink in 8 years. For the most part I am feeling awesome right now. These last few days for me have not been about taking it on day at a time, as I know that is a popular method. I am actually able to visualize my life sober, because that’s my goal. If you asked me the same question a week ago, when I was under the influence and withdrawal from this poison, I would have told you I couldn’t even imagine going as long as I have without it. What I’ve realized in this long week is that I have never given myself time away from alcohol long enough to think about my life clearly. It was always about suffering through one or two days, only to drink again because I was so depressed and on edge.
I still have a six-pack in the fridge—the one I was going to drink last Sunday afternoon but something stopped me. Prompted by the fact that I felt like crap, and had said something foolish to my friend the night before on the phone, I started thinking about the fact that I still hadn’t gotten anything accomplished that I had been planning on getting done, such as completing my job applications and revising my resume for a job I’m interested in. And I just broke down into tears and asked God to help me (I never pray by the way, so this even surprised me). I haven’t had a drink since. Anyhow, that was last week and here I am now. When I open the fridge and see those beers I get a really sad feeling for two reasons: the first reason is that looking at it makes me feel remorse about what I have been doing to my body and my spirit for such a long time. I’m thinking about how I have been dying spiritually all because of that familiar beer (I also still have an empty box of wine with other cardboard items I haven’t thrown out yet, but the beer was my number one friend so the wine box doesn’t elicit the same feelings). The second reason I feel sad is because it’s like looking at a dead friend--to a certain extent I’m going to miss it. But that’s only if I think about the good times, which, when all is considered, aren’t many.
What I’ve been doing is concentrating on the bad times: Waking up feeling terrible every morning because of it. Or, waking up not remembering bits and pieces of the night before, or remembering enough to know that I did or said something the night before I shouldn’t have. I think about how much money I’ve blown on it and how I’ve watched my bank account dwindle because of it. I think about the opportunities I've missed because I was too busy planning for my night of drinking (alone). And I think about how toxic it is, because it has been a poison to me mentally, spiritually and physically. I’ve also been concentrating on how good things have been and can be for me without it. I have been enjoying things sober I never thought I could…even things as small as enjoying a conversation with a friend. So far, that, along with reading self-help books has been how I’ve stayed sober. I don’t know what will come next, but if things were to stay like they are, I can see myself living sober. It has only been a week…I’m wondering if I’m on a good course. I truly do not want to drink, for now. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m seeing the future as a whole—not just a day at a time.
I’m 28 years old and this is the longest I’ve been without a drink in 8 years. For the most part I am feeling awesome right now. These last few days for me have not been about taking it on day at a time, as I know that is a popular method. I am actually able to visualize my life sober, because that’s my goal. If you asked me the same question a week ago, when I was under the influence and withdrawal from this poison, I would have told you I couldn’t even imagine going as long as I have without it. What I’ve realized in this long week is that I have never given myself time away from alcohol long enough to think about my life clearly. It was always about suffering through one or two days, only to drink again because I was so depressed and on edge.
I still have a six-pack in the fridge—the one I was going to drink last Sunday afternoon but something stopped me. Prompted by the fact that I felt like crap, and had said something foolish to my friend the night before on the phone, I started thinking about the fact that I still hadn’t gotten anything accomplished that I had been planning on getting done, such as completing my job applications and revising my resume for a job I’m interested in. And I just broke down into tears and asked God to help me (I never pray by the way, so this even surprised me). I haven’t had a drink since. Anyhow, that was last week and here I am now. When I open the fridge and see those beers I get a really sad feeling for two reasons: the first reason is that looking at it makes me feel remorse about what I have been doing to my body and my spirit for such a long time. I’m thinking about how I have been dying spiritually all because of that familiar beer (I also still have an empty box of wine with other cardboard items I haven’t thrown out yet, but the beer was my number one friend so the wine box doesn’t elicit the same feelings). The second reason I feel sad is because it’s like looking at a dead friend--to a certain extent I’m going to miss it. But that’s only if I think about the good times, which, when all is considered, aren’t many.
What I’ve been doing is concentrating on the bad times: Waking up feeling terrible every morning because of it. Or, waking up not remembering bits and pieces of the night before, or remembering enough to know that I did or said something the night before I shouldn’t have. I think about how much money I’ve blown on it and how I’ve watched my bank account dwindle because of it. I think about the opportunities I've missed because I was too busy planning for my night of drinking (alone). And I think about how toxic it is, because it has been a poison to me mentally, spiritually and physically. I’ve also been concentrating on how good things have been and can be for me without it. I have been enjoying things sober I never thought I could…even things as small as enjoying a conversation with a friend. So far, that, along with reading self-help books has been how I’ve stayed sober. I don’t know what will come next, but if things were to stay like they are, I can see myself living sober. It has only been a week…I’m wondering if I’m on a good course. I truly do not want to drink, for now. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m seeing the future as a whole—not just a day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Welcome to SR, conscious78. Glad you're here. 
Stick around, read some posts. SR has a lot of great information and support. It sounds like you've had a major breakthrough. Congrats on your sober days!
Stick around, read some posts. SR has a lot of great information and support. It sounds like you've had a major breakthrough. Congrats on your sober days!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Welcome to SR!!! I understand what you are saying. I go back and forth and one time, I thought all those same thoughts (my doc is meth) but then things changed and I had to take it one hour at at time, then the next day, I am back to a life with no meth, lol.....
I hope you continue on this great road, Your doing fantastic!
I'm glad you are here!
I hope you continue on this great road, Your doing fantastic!
I'm glad you are here!
where the livin' is easy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Alvin, TX
Posts: 64
If you can bring yourself to do so, you would probably enjoy reading the personal stories that make up the last 2/3 of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". They are quite entertaining and you will certainly find that other people share lots of your personal thoughts, feelings, and adventures! Good luck! :bun6
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: On the road to eternal sobriety
Posts: 12
Thanks everyone for the support, great to talk to people who understand. Day 8 for me, and I actually made it through a weekend....wow! Very tired today though.
One more thing I forgot to mention about being sober for a week. The last couple of years I'd been battling a subborn case of eczema (which was getting progressively worse, right along with my alcoholism), going through tubes and tubes of elidel just just keep it down. It was at it's worst for the last 7 months or so...I was having to let it soak into my skin several times a day and it still wouldn't completely go away. Guess what? The eczema is now GONE...in just one week of not drinking. I've stopped using the cream and no eczema. I always thought the drinking may have something to do with it, but I didn't want to beleive it...instead I was finding ways to get ahold of more elildel cheaper(my stubbornness!). If the drinking was giving me eczema just imagine what else it was doing to my body.
Very tired today though.One more thing I forgot to mention about being sober for a week. The last couple of years I'd been battling a subborn case of eczema (which was getting progressively worse, right along with my alcoholism), going through tubes and tubes of elidel just just keep it down. It was at it's worst for the last 7 months or so...I was having to let it soak into my skin several times a day and it still wouldn't completely go away. Guess what? The eczema is now GONE...in just one week of not drinking. I've stopped using the cream and no eczema. I always thought the drinking may have something to do with it, but I didn't want to beleive it...instead I was finding ways to get ahold of more elildel cheaper(my stubbornness!). If the drinking was giving me eczema just imagine what else it was doing to my body.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: SYDNEY NSW
Posts: 156
It wouldn't surprise me. Alcohol is renownst for dehydrating the body and the skin.
It's amazing at what cost we all choose to pay, for our DOCs when in active addiction. For me, it was chronic depression which worsened when drinking, because alcohol renders anti-depressants useless.
Great going - love the name by the way!
Best Wishes
Trish
It's amazing at what cost we all choose to pay, for our DOCs when in active addiction. For me, it was chronic depression which worsened when drinking, because alcohol renders anti-depressants useless.
Great going - love the name by the way!
Best Wishes
Trish
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Hi, Conscious78 
You are in such a good place, coming here to SR. I think it is the best place on the internet.
I understand your feeling like grieving when you see that beer. You are severing a relationship, and it's hard. But it's the best thing you'll ever do, so I commend you.
My favorite book on the subject of sobriety is Drinking -- A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. If you like to read, get ahold of a copy. It is so motivating to read this woman's story, and it's also a real page turner of a book. I remember reading it and being amazed that the author's mind actually worked the same way mine does!
Stick around!
Jane
You are in such a good place, coming here to SR. I think it is the best place on the internet.
I understand your feeling like grieving when you see that beer. You are severing a relationship, and it's hard. But it's the best thing you'll ever do, so I commend you.
My favorite book on the subject of sobriety is Drinking -- A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. If you like to read, get ahold of a copy. It is so motivating to read this woman's story, and it's also a real page turner of a book. I remember reading it and being amazed that the author's mind actually worked the same way mine does!
Stick around!
Jane
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Hey Conscious! Welcome to SR.
Grats on your sober days. I really enjoyed reading your first post. Your head really seems to be in the "right" place right now. I went through a "grieving" process kind of sort of regarding my drinking. It is kinda like losing a friend but it is a friend that only wants to control and destroy you so it can remain in control. This friend is one you need to lose so hang in there. If you feel up to it why not dump those beers down the drain? Or if you have a good friend who can support you ask them over for some coffee and have them dump em down the drain or take them away. Adios loser friend!
Don't wait for a bad day or stress or any other trigger that might tempt you. If it's easy to get to it will just make it harder for you to resist it. We've all been there and so know what you are going through right now.
I really love how your posts read - kinda gives an insight into where you are emotionally and it sounds to me like you are really on a positive path now. Hang in there and keep putting one foot infront of the other.
Suga
Grats on your sober days. I really enjoyed reading your first post. Your head really seems to be in the "right" place right now. I went through a "grieving" process kind of sort of regarding my drinking. It is kinda like losing a friend but it is a friend that only wants to control and destroy you so it can remain in control. This friend is one you need to lose so hang in there. If you feel up to it why not dump those beers down the drain? Or if you have a good friend who can support you ask them over for some coffee and have them dump em down the drain or take them away. Adios loser friend!
Don't wait for a bad day or stress or any other trigger that might tempt you. If it's easy to get to it will just make it harder for you to resist it. We've all been there and so know what you are going through right now.
I really love how your posts read - kinda gives an insight into where you are emotionally and it sounds to me like you are really on a positive path now. Hang in there and keep putting one foot infront of the other.
Suga
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: On the road to eternal sobriety
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by janeeyre
Hi, Conscious78
You are in such a good place, coming here to SR. I think it is the best place on the internet.
I understand your feeling like grieving when you see that beer. You are severing a relationship, and it's hard. But it's the best thing you'll ever do, so I commend you.
My favorite book on the subject of sobriety is Drinking -- A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. If you like to read, get ahold of a copy. It is so motivating to read this woman's story, and it's also a real page turner of a book. I remember reading it and being amazed that the author's mind actually worked the same way mine does!
Stick around!
Jane
You are in such a good place, coming here to SR. I think it is the best place on the internet.
I understand your feeling like grieving when you see that beer. You are severing a relationship, and it's hard. But it's the best thing you'll ever do, so I commend you.
My favorite book on the subject of sobriety is Drinking -- A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. If you like to read, get ahold of a copy. It is so motivating to read this woman's story, and it's also a real page turner of a book. I remember reading it and being amazed that the author's mind actually worked the same way mine does!
Stick around!
Jane
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: On the road to eternal sobriety
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Sugasnaps
Hey Conscious! Welcome to SR.
Grats on your sober days. I really enjoyed reading your first post. Your head really seems to be in the "right" place right now. I went through a "grieving" process kind of sort of regarding my drinking. It is kinda like losing a friend but it is a friend that only wants to control and destroy you so it can remain in control. This friend is one you need to lose so hang in there. If you feel up to it why not dump those beers down the drain? Or if you have a good friend who can support you ask them over for some coffee and have them dump em down the drain or take them away. Adios loser friend!
Don't wait for a bad day or stress or any other trigger that might tempt you. If it's easy to get to it will just make it harder for you to resist it. We've all been there and so know what you are going through right now.
I really love how your posts read - kinda gives an insight into where you are emotionally and it sounds to me like you are really on a positive path now. Hang in there and keep putting one foot infront of the other.
Suga
Grats on your sober days. I really enjoyed reading your first post. Your head really seems to be in the "right" place right now. I went through a "grieving" process kind of sort of regarding my drinking. It is kinda like losing a friend but it is a friend that only wants to control and destroy you so it can remain in control. This friend is one you need to lose so hang in there. If you feel up to it why not dump those beers down the drain? Or if you have a good friend who can support you ask them over for some coffee and have them dump em down the drain or take them away. Adios loser friend!
Don't wait for a bad day or stress or any other trigger that might tempt you. If it's easy to get to it will just make it harder for you to resist it. We've all been there and so know what you are going through right now.
I really love how your posts read - kinda gives an insight into where you are emotionally and it sounds to me like you are really on a positive path now. Hang in there and keep putting one foot infront of the other.
Suga
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: On the road to eternal sobriety
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by janeeyre
Good for you, getting rid of that beer! Excellent!
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