S'been awhile:)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
S'been awhile:)
I had totally forgotten all about Soberrecovery, until I received an email just the other day about the updated site. It looks great, by the way...accessible, modern and quite easy to navigate. In a funny way I was touched that my username was still active, and figured if I remembered my password that I'd post. (Ok..I didn't remember my password..lol..but it sure didn't take long to get a new one)
My past posting was in regards to my very good friend Sarah, who was struggling and digging herself (what I thought was) an early grave. Well...she's still alive. But I don't know if I'm happy to say that. She succeeded in contracting Hep C from another user, and her intravenous use has escalated to that of being hospitalized not once, not twice, but three separate times. She was on the verge of death the last time, only a few weeks ago, literally hanging on by a thread.
At the time of my earlier visits to SR, I was looking for a way to help her. I was trying to find a way to fix her, to cure her, and to make the drug use stop. It hurt seeing her change so dramatically, and I hurt...I felt helpless and was struggling myself with the fact that I was powerless to help her in the way I wanted to. I would bring her food because she wouldn't eat and the couldn't save her money to buy food...and I watched her throw the food away. I would bring her clothes to wear, because she was in desperate need of them, and I watched her put them away to be sold later for more drugs. I attended four different court dates...ranging from possession charges to trafficking to theft. And I went with her to speak to the police officer who contracted Hep C from her during a frisking. Yes, you read that correctly. Sarah was searched by an officer for drugs, and the officer pricked her finger on a used syringe. Her life certainly hasn't gotten any better.
At this stage of our friendship, I've seen more than I've ever wanted to see. I've seen her feening for coke, crack, dilaudids and, just recently, heroin. I've seen her arms bleeding so badly that even 2 hours after using the needle it would not stop. I've caught her stealing my money, and was almost arrested because she shoplifted from the mall while she was with me. I've seen her cry for more drugs. I've seen her family break down while she screamed at them for money, and watched her stab her boyfriend when he tried to take the last of her coke stash. I've had to turn her over on her side so that she wouldn't choke on her vomit, and the last time she was hospitalized, it was me who drove her there to be aided. I can only imagine the nightmares that I haven't witnessed.
But I'm finished now. I <b>don't</b> want to see anymore.
It took too long for me to see what was important. That my life is happier without her. As hard as it was for me to do..because like all family and friends of users, I loved her nearly to death...I gave up on her. I stopped believing the Sarah <b>I</b> love was going to come back.
And as painful as it is to say, my life has been <s>much</s> better for it.
If I get a call telling me that the inevitable has happened and I have a funeral to attend, I pray that the guilt of not being able to fix my friend will be bearable. I still hope against all hope that Sarah...my wonderful friend Sarah from so long ago...will get a second chance to live. But now I'm prepared to handle the fact that whatever happens couldn't have been prevented by me.
I do love her still.
This website is a Godsend. Thank you for listening.
My past posting was in regards to my very good friend Sarah, who was struggling and digging herself (what I thought was) an early grave. Well...she's still alive. But I don't know if I'm happy to say that. She succeeded in contracting Hep C from another user, and her intravenous use has escalated to that of being hospitalized not once, not twice, but three separate times. She was on the verge of death the last time, only a few weeks ago, literally hanging on by a thread.
At the time of my earlier visits to SR, I was looking for a way to help her. I was trying to find a way to fix her, to cure her, and to make the drug use stop. It hurt seeing her change so dramatically, and I hurt...I felt helpless and was struggling myself with the fact that I was powerless to help her in the way I wanted to. I would bring her food because she wouldn't eat and the couldn't save her money to buy food...and I watched her throw the food away. I would bring her clothes to wear, because she was in desperate need of them, and I watched her put them away to be sold later for more drugs. I attended four different court dates...ranging from possession charges to trafficking to theft. And I went with her to speak to the police officer who contracted Hep C from her during a frisking. Yes, you read that correctly. Sarah was searched by an officer for drugs, and the officer pricked her finger on a used syringe. Her life certainly hasn't gotten any better.
At this stage of our friendship, I've seen more than I've ever wanted to see. I've seen her feening for coke, crack, dilaudids and, just recently, heroin. I've seen her arms bleeding so badly that even 2 hours after using the needle it would not stop. I've caught her stealing my money, and was almost arrested because she shoplifted from the mall while she was with me. I've seen her cry for more drugs. I've seen her family break down while she screamed at them for money, and watched her stab her boyfriend when he tried to take the last of her coke stash. I've had to turn her over on her side so that she wouldn't choke on her vomit, and the last time she was hospitalized, it was me who drove her there to be aided. I can only imagine the nightmares that I haven't witnessed.
But I'm finished now. I <b>don't</b> want to see anymore.
It took too long for me to see what was important. That my life is happier without her. As hard as it was for me to do..because like all family and friends of users, I loved her nearly to death...I gave up on her. I stopped believing the Sarah <b>I</b> love was going to come back.
And as painful as it is to say, my life has been <s>much</s> better for it.
If I get a call telling me that the inevitable has happened and I have a funeral to attend, I pray that the guilt of not being able to fix my friend will be bearable. I still hope against all hope that Sarah...my wonderful friend Sarah from so long ago...will get a second chance to live. But now I'm prepared to handle the fact that whatever happens couldn't have been prevented by me.
I do love her still.
This website is a Godsend. Thank you for listening.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Trurogal.It is good of you to come and visit again.
I am glad you shared that story with us because it is one that reminds me of the hell of addictions.
Please do not think that you have anything to feel guilt for.On the contrary you should be resigned to the fact that you did what you could to try and help her.
I hope you will stay with us a while
Peter.
I am glad you shared that story with us because it is one that reminds me of the hell of addictions.
Please do not think that you have anything to feel guilt for.On the contrary you should be resigned to the fact that you did what you could to try and help her.
I hope you will stay with us a while
Peter.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Lowell, MA
Posts: 26
Trurogal, I thank you for sharing that with us. Sharing that has proved to me, that I can't fix anyone else but myself. I am powerless and I don't have control. There is only one with the power and control, and may He be with your friend and with you in these trials and tribulations.
I realize it is difficult to watch someone you love and care for, killing themselves as your friend Sarah is doing.
What I have come to believe is that there is no power on earth that can make me use again. And there is only one Power who can help me to not use again.
It is good that you have taken the focus off Sarah and put it back on yourself. And if you have to attend her funeral, the best way I can look at it is that if that should happen, she can rest in peace. This disease has such a grip, it doesn't want to let go.
I will say prayers for Sarah, that she may find God while she is still alive and she can come to terms to try to save her own life.
I will also say prayers for you, that you may come to terms in letting go and letting God.
God Bless
Harry
I realize it is difficult to watch someone you love and care for, killing themselves as your friend Sarah is doing.
What I have come to believe is that there is no power on earth that can make me use again. And there is only one Power who can help me to not use again.
It is good that you have taken the focus off Sarah and put it back on yourself. And if you have to attend her funeral, the best way I can look at it is that if that should happen, she can rest in peace. This disease has such a grip, it doesn't want to let go.
I will say prayers for Sarah, that she may find God while she is still alive and she can come to terms to try to save her own life.
I will also say prayers for you, that you may come to terms in letting go and letting God.
God Bless
Harry
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Wow Truegal,
That's an unbelievable story. I have been working the alanon program. It has been very helpful to me to learn how to detach and not try to save the addict in my life.
Your story reminds me of a story about me and my best friend. I was in active addiction almost at my bottom. During this time she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, within 6 months she was dead and the next day I was taken into treatment. By the grace of god and AA, I am sober and alive.
I don't know why some people are chosen to get well and move on and others are taken from us. I just have to believe that god has something more important for them to do with him. I hope your friend finds recovery and that you find peace with yourself about her situation. It's not easy to watch someone you love suffer but it doesn't mean you have to suffer with them.
That's an unbelievable story. I have been working the alanon program. It has been very helpful to me to learn how to detach and not try to save the addict in my life.
Your story reminds me of a story about me and my best friend. I was in active addiction almost at my bottom. During this time she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, within 6 months she was dead and the next day I was taken into treatment. By the grace of god and AA, I am sober and alive.
I don't know why some people are chosen to get well and move on and others are taken from us. I just have to believe that god has something more important for them to do with him. I hope your friend finds recovery and that you find peace with yourself about her situation. It's not easy to watch someone you love suffer but it doesn't mean you have to suffer with them.
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