?Confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Rockland, Maine
Posts: 8
?Confused
I'm really nervous about doing this. It is my first forum ever. I didn't do well with the Alanon meeting in my area, and was hoping I could do better here. I've read some of the forums and can totally relate. For some reason I feel different and scared. Is that normal?
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi camy,
Welcome to the forum.
This was my first forum too. I never liked to talk to anyone or chat or anything like that.
I feel really safe here and it's easy for me to post now. No need to be afraid here. The people are wonderful and understanding.
Feel free to tell us about your situation.
Hugs,
MG
Welcome to the forum.
This was my first forum too. I never liked to talk to anyone or chat or anything like that.
I feel really safe here and it's easy for me to post now. No need to be afraid here. The people are wonderful and understanding.
Feel free to tell us about your situation.
Hugs,
MG
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Hi Camy
I hope you will keep coming back here, and perhaps give your local al anon group another try. I spent the first month in mine just listening, sobbing, and walking out. It took me awhile to find the things we had in common and not just the differences.
This is a great place to share, read, laugh, cry, and recover. Please tell us a bit more about you.
Osier59
I hope you will keep coming back here, and perhaps give your local al anon group another try. I spent the first month in mine just listening, sobbing, and walking out. It took me awhile to find the things we had in common and not just the differences.
This is a great place to share, read, laugh, cry, and recover. Please tell us a bit more about you.
Osier59
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Rockland, Maine
Posts: 8
Thanks.
I've known my husband for fifteen years and we started off as friends. He had a problem then, but we were in our first year of college. I didn't know there was a problem. I could see it, but not having experienced alcoholism before I was basically blind.
Our past is a story within itself. We were married in 1999. It took me a year before I realized he was an alcoholic. Then we/he tried the 3-12 program. No more than three a day, twelve a week. When that didn't work he smoked.
He slowing, we slowly began seeing it was a fight we couldn't handle on our own. We, he has been trying to get sober for two years now. The longest he has gone is a couple of months. The longest it has been livable is four months.
Most of the counseling I have been through the person would tell me to leave him. Just out right say he had to go. Here is where my biggest frustration is. He is a part of me. I don't need him, but my feelings for him are unconditional, like my children. I also can't give up on family. I'm not even this close to my real family. I also have to mention he is dual diagnosis, which makes me want to help him even more. I can see him suffer.
there is just soooo much. I think I need little bits at a time.
Thank you for listening, and replying.
I've known my husband for fifteen years and we started off as friends. He had a problem then, but we were in our first year of college. I didn't know there was a problem. I could see it, but not having experienced alcoholism before I was basically blind.
Our past is a story within itself. We were married in 1999. It took me a year before I realized he was an alcoholic. Then we/he tried the 3-12 program. No more than three a day, twelve a week. When that didn't work he smoked.
He slowing, we slowly began seeing it was a fight we couldn't handle on our own. We, he has been trying to get sober for two years now. The longest he has gone is a couple of months. The longest it has been livable is four months.
Most of the counseling I have been through the person would tell me to leave him. Just out right say he had to go. Here is where my biggest frustration is. He is a part of me. I don't need him, but my feelings for him are unconditional, like my children. I also can't give up on family. I'm not even this close to my real family. I also have to mention he is dual diagnosis, which makes me want to help him even more. I can see him suffer.
there is just soooo much. I think I need little bits at a time.
Thank you for listening, and replying.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Welcome camy!!
This place is so great! You can find alot of strength here.
Helping YOU is a must!! Trying to find peace from this craziness
seems impossible at times, but it is possible! Your husband has to want to get help and want to stay sober. We need to help ourselves to recovery and by doing that we can deal with their illness. It isn't easy BUT it is possible.
Keep coming back, we care!!
matters
This place is so great! You can find alot of strength here.
Helping YOU is a must!! Trying to find peace from this craziness
seems impossible at times, but it is possible! Your husband has to want to get help and want to stay sober. We need to help ourselves to recovery and by doing that we can deal with their illness. It isn't easy BUT it is possible.
Keep coming back, we care!!
matters
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: upstate, ny
Posts: 135
dear camy,
glad to have you here. this is my first and only forum. i was scared and just lurked for a while. there is a lot of info here for u to learn about the illness of alcoholism and addiction. read the sticky posts and try different alanon meetings and read their materials. that is where i found a lot of my serenity and answers for guidance.i went to alanon 3 times in 15 years for all the wrong reasons. when i went back last year i was ready to hear what they had to offer. a better way of life. i live with my husband who is a cross-addicted alcoholic. he isnb't drinking right now, he is smoking pot and lying about it, hequit rehab for the third time and isn't in 12 step recovery right now. he is rejecting recovery, that's what the counselors call it. i am doing so much better than i ever thought i could, one day at a time. i have some new boundaries that he is aware of, and i have learned to try to stop obsessing about his stuff and start running my life for a change. many prayers and hugs to u. keep coming back and don't be scared. we all were at one time. try the chat room tonight if there is people there. i just went there once. didn't know how to chat. now i do a little. it's nice
hugs from sugar
glad to have you here. this is my first and only forum. i was scared and just lurked for a while. there is a lot of info here for u to learn about the illness of alcoholism and addiction. read the sticky posts and try different alanon meetings and read their materials. that is where i found a lot of my serenity and answers for guidance.i went to alanon 3 times in 15 years for all the wrong reasons. when i went back last year i was ready to hear what they had to offer. a better way of life. i live with my husband who is a cross-addicted alcoholic. he isnb't drinking right now, he is smoking pot and lying about it, hequit rehab for the third time and isn't in 12 step recovery right now. he is rejecting recovery, that's what the counselors call it. i am doing so much better than i ever thought i could, one day at a time. i have some new boundaries that he is aware of, and i have learned to try to stop obsessing about his stuff and start running my life for a change. many prayers and hugs to u. keep coming back and don't be scared. we all were at one time. try the chat room tonight if there is people there. i just went there once. didn't know how to chat. now i do a little. it's nice
hugs from sugar
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Rockland, Maine
Posts: 8
Sugar -
I tried getting into a chat room and my puter wouldn't let me.
What are Sticky Posts?
There are only two al-anon meetings in my area. One I tried, but now I work at that time. There is another one, but I will have to talk myself into it. It would take up one of the whopping two hours I get to spend with my kids on that day.
I tried ready a co-dependant book a while ago. It should be lying around. I should probably read it again. I'm just starting to see that if you try to help your alcoholic people peg you as co-dependant.
My husband has anxiety disorder and the fear of being around people. He doesn't like to leave the house, so when he wants to get help I have to walk him through it. He'll get pretty far, and when someone turns him away he loses hope. I end up standing up for him, or I should say correcting the situation like he is a child. I just want to get him into a dual diagnosis program to get him in the right direction. That is unbelievably hard.
camy
I tried getting into a chat room and my puter wouldn't let me.
What are Sticky Posts?
There are only two al-anon meetings in my area. One I tried, but now I work at that time. There is another one, but I will have to talk myself into it. It would take up one of the whopping two hours I get to spend with my kids on that day.
I tried ready a co-dependant book a while ago. It should be lying around. I should probably read it again. I'm just starting to see that if you try to help your alcoholic people peg you as co-dependant.
My husband has anxiety disorder and the fear of being around people. He doesn't like to leave the house, so when he wants to get help I have to walk him through it. He'll get pretty far, and when someone turns him away he loses hope. I end up standing up for him, or I should say correcting the situation like he is a child. I just want to get him into a dual diagnosis program to get him in the right direction. That is unbelievably hard.
camy
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Camy,
Welcome to this forum. Keep coming back and reading. You will learn a lot from the wisdom here.
Camy, if you can, try the Al Anon meeting again. I know it will take time away from your children, but if it's at all possible, I'd recommend it FOR YOU. And from the sounds of your post, YOU need some experience, strength and hope which is what you will find at an Al Anon meeting. And trust me, I wasn't too fired up about Al Anon when I first went either. But I've stuck with it and it IS making a difference in how I view my situation.
Did you happen to have the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty? If not, it's a GREAT one to read. Sounds like you might identify with a lot that is in that book. I know I did. And it doesn't make you nuts or anything. It just helps us understand ourselves and why we want to help these people. Sometimes what we see as helping really isn't helping them at all.
So keep coming back, Camy, and keep us posted.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Welcome to this forum. Keep coming back and reading. You will learn a lot from the wisdom here.
Camy, if you can, try the Al Anon meeting again. I know it will take time away from your children, but if it's at all possible, I'd recommend it FOR YOU. And from the sounds of your post, YOU need some experience, strength and hope which is what you will find at an Al Anon meeting. And trust me, I wasn't too fired up about Al Anon when I first went either. But I've stuck with it and it IS making a difference in how I view my situation.
Did you happen to have the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty? If not, it's a GREAT one to read. Sounds like you might identify with a lot that is in that book. I know I did. And it doesn't make you nuts or anything. It just helps us understand ourselves and why we want to help these people. Sometimes what we see as helping really isn't helping them at all.
So keep coming back, Camy, and keep us posted.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: upstate, ny
Posts: 135
dear camy,
sounds like u are trying hard to help. my heart goes out to you.the sticky posts are on the top of the forum boards, ex. addictive personality, they stay at the top and don't move so newcomers can see them and we can go back for reference if things apply towards us. hang in there and keep talking here. start another thread if u want to address a specific topic. big hugs from sugar
p.s. we have vacation property in maine on a little lake half in nh and half in maine.brrr..... bet it's cold there, u can post ongeneral recovery or ptsd for advice from other alcoholics or family members who may have experience with dual-diagnosis.
sounds like u are trying hard to help. my heart goes out to you.the sticky posts are on the top of the forum boards, ex. addictive personality, they stay at the top and don't move so newcomers can see them and we can go back for reference if things apply towards us. hang in there and keep talking here. start another thread if u want to address a specific topic. big hugs from sugar
p.s. we have vacation property in maine on a little lake half in nh and half in maine.brrr..... bet it's cold there, u can post ongeneral recovery or ptsd for advice from other alcoholics or family members who may have experience with dual-diagnosis.
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