Searching
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Santa Rosa, ca
Posts: 2
Searching
Im new to this, so help is greatly needed.
An old friend of mine has come back into my life. He was absent for awhile due to the fact of his addictions. I walked away from him cause I didnt know what to do and I figured that it would all work out in the end, however, wherever. He recently got in contacted with me (from jail) and told me how much he missed me and took people for granted. I want to stand by him and really be there for him thru his ups and downs. But I find it so hard to do that. He hurt me so bad that Im affraid if I get involved again it wont turn out any different then before. How can I help him? What can I say to make him see what he's done and that Im here for him but only if he is honest with me? And is that too much to ask him to do?
An old friend of mine has come back into my life. He was absent for awhile due to the fact of his addictions. I walked away from him cause I didnt know what to do and I figured that it would all work out in the end, however, wherever. He recently got in contacted with me (from jail) and told me how much he missed me and took people for granted. I want to stand by him and really be there for him thru his ups and downs. But I find it so hard to do that. He hurt me so bad that Im affraid if I get involved again it wont turn out any different then before. How can I help him? What can I say to make him see what he's done and that Im here for him but only if he is honest with me? And is that too much to ask him to do?
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Hi Kstar. Welcome to SR.
My advice would be that number one, you can't MAKE him do anything. Number two. You need to be honest with him, especially if you want that in return. You tell him what you expect in the relationship and what you will not put up with. You can be there to support him emotionally but be careful. It could lead to some pain. It's very hard to know what the right thing to do with an addict is, you don't want to end up enabling him.
I'm sorry you are hurting. Stick around here and read some of the posts and sticky posts. SR has been my saving grace in both my sobriety and dealing with my mothers addiction.
I'm glad you are here.
~doll
My advice would be that number one, you can't MAKE him do anything. Number two. You need to be honest with him, especially if you want that in return. You tell him what you expect in the relationship and what you will not put up with. You can be there to support him emotionally but be careful. It could lead to some pain. It's very hard to know what the right thing to do with an addict is, you don't want to end up enabling him.
I'm sorry you are hurting. Stick around here and read some of the posts and sticky posts. SR has been my saving grace in both my sobriety and dealing with my mothers addiction.
I'm glad you are here.
~doll
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR.... we are glad that you found us.
Well, he is in Jail, so he has to be sober (kinda) and as we all know when its forced on someone it usually does not stick...unless he hits his bottom.
The only way to guarentee you dont get hurt again is by not getting involved. Other then that you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that nothing has changed. I would suggest reading all you can and getting the support you need in Al-anon, counceling etc...
I look foward to getting to know you, pull up a chair and enjoy
Well, he is in Jail, so he has to be sober (kinda) and as we all know when its forced on someone it usually does not stick...unless he hits his bottom.
The only way to guarentee you dont get hurt again is by not getting involved. Other then that you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that nothing has changed. I would suggest reading all you can and getting the support you need in Al-anon, counceling etc...
I look foward to getting to know you, pull up a chair and enjoy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Kstar...Just wanted to welcome you to SR. Glad you found us.
Cynay gave you some really good advice....
Read several posts you will find you are not alone....
Just remember , you are the only that you can help, he needs to
do that for himself.....
Cynay gave you some really good advice....
Read several posts you will find you are not alone....
Just remember , you are the only that you can help, he needs to
do that for himself.....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
