Sobriety under Stress
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 37
Sobriety under Stress
In my past, there has been nothing more powerful than emotional stress and psychic strain to send me out on a drunk to quell away the madness in my mind and the pain in my heart.
My sobriety was greatly challenged this morning. During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively. Were it not for our children I question whether either of us would endure this roller coaster relationship with it's blissful highs and its shuddering lows.
I left our home and walked briskly up the street, still smarting from the altercation... and that tall silver can entered the pop-up window in my mind.
I walked on by the drugstore and growled at the thought of walking in and purchasing a can of my prefered poison. Instead I walked on to the local library where I am now typing this.
I am grateful I discovered this website. It gave me an alternative destination so I didn't have to succumb to my desire to drink this morning.
I have proven to myself enough times that if I give in to the urge and pick up that chaos will soon return to my daily life.
Blessings to all for a sober day in your world. Peace to you.
-Wolfman
My sobriety was greatly challenged this morning. During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively. Were it not for our children I question whether either of us would endure this roller coaster relationship with it's blissful highs and its shuddering lows.
I left our home and walked briskly up the street, still smarting from the altercation... and that tall silver can entered the pop-up window in my mind.
I walked on by the drugstore and growled at the thought of walking in and purchasing a can of my prefered poison. Instead I walked on to the local library where I am now typing this.
I am grateful I discovered this website. It gave me an alternative destination so I didn't have to succumb to my desire to drink this morning.
I have proven to myself enough times that if I give in to the urge and pick up that chaos will soon return to my daily life.
Blessings to all for a sober day in your world. Peace to you.
-Wolfman
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Good Choice,
When I first sobered up, I had to find replacement behaviors-actions, to replace my favorite coping mechanism, when we put the drink down, life still happens, through reading the Big Book and working the steps with a sponsor, we learn how to accept people, places, and things the way they are, not how we would like them to be. I can really identify with having to fight that urge to drink, I went almost a year struggling, when I finnally gave my life and will over to a higher power as I understood, the obsession of the mind was lifted quickly, I can tell you when I had my 1st drink and when I had my last, however I can't tell you exactly when my urge to drink was removed, I believe this is because I had very little to do with it other than make a decision, god did the rest, as he can and will do for you. Peace will come.
When I first sobered up, I had to find replacement behaviors-actions, to replace my favorite coping mechanism, when we put the drink down, life still happens, through reading the Big Book and working the steps with a sponsor, we learn how to accept people, places, and things the way they are, not how we would like them to be. I can really identify with having to fight that urge to drink, I went almost a year struggling, when I finnally gave my life and will over to a higher power as I understood, the obsession of the mind was lifted quickly, I can tell you when I had my 1st drink and when I had my last, however I can't tell you exactly when my urge to drink was removed, I believe this is because I had very little to do with it other than make a decision, god did the rest, as he can and will do for you. Peace will come.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 37
The compulsion to drink has for the most part been lifted, however my overactive imagination often incorporates scenarios, images and thoughts of using in my mind. I do pray on this, but it is a stubborn foe.
I use THINK
THINK
THINK
as a rule and often. Think of taking that drink...Think where that drink will take you...Think of the way you will feel when the drunk is over and all the regret and self loathing inevitably set in. Something profound that a member once shared with me is that "When we drink we give everyone else power over us."
We give them the power to fingerpoint, scapegoat and compartmentalize us into the 'alcoholic box' which dissolves any and all credibility we have and can trump even our best intentions for an undisclosed period of time afterward.
Whew! I didn't go for the beer cooler this morning! I came to this site and kept busy and told on my disease and I feel better.
God bless!
I use THINK
THINK
THINK
as a rule and often. Think of taking that drink...Think where that drink will take you...Think of the way you will feel when the drunk is over and all the regret and self loathing inevitably set in. Something profound that a member once shared with me is that "When we drink we give everyone else power over us."
We give them the power to fingerpoint, scapegoat and compartmentalize us into the 'alcoholic box' which dissolves any and all credibility we have and can trump even our best intentions for an undisclosed period of time afterward.
Whew! I didn't go for the beer cooler this morning! I came to this site and kept busy and told on my disease and I feel better.
God bless!
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Wolfman, thank you for coming here to post. I have felt that sudden out-of-the-blue urge to drink too... usually when faced with something that totally and completely stresses me out and I just simply do not want to deal with it. I hate those sudden impulses. They make me mad now more than anything. I just get plain pissed off about feeling that urge to drink. I dunno if we'll ever completely not have those sudden flashes of desire for our DoC. Hope so... but you did the right thing and found an alternate route to vent your frustration. So so so so so proud of you! You helped me today.
Suga
Suga
Still learning; ever grateful
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 842
Good for you, WM! I know all too well how the stress of life can make us want to go back. Been there. Just lost my beloved 13 year old dog last week and thought of drinking. But then I knew that I'd only feel worse afterwards. Thinking "I'm depressed now; why not drown my sorrows" would have turned into a day of not getting out of bed and feeling 10 times worse about myself and the things that got me this way.
I'm glad you found us, too. This site has saved me many times and I hope you find the same friendships that I have. Oh, and happy belated b-day!!
Hugs,
DG
I'm glad you found us, too. This site has saved me many times and I hope you find the same friendships that I have. Oh, and happy belated b-day!!
Hugs,
DG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by Wolfman
The compulsion to drink has for the most part been lifted, however my overactive imagination often incorporates scenarios, images and thoughts of using in my mind. I do pray on this, but it is a stubborn foe.
I use THINK
THINK
THINK
as a rule and often. Think of taking that drink...Think where that drink will take you...Think of the way you will feel when the drunk is over and all the regret and self loathing inevitably set in. Something profound that a member once shared with me is that "When we drink we give everyone else power over us."
We give them the power to fingerpoint, scapegoat and compartmentalize us into the 'alcoholic box' which dissolves any and all credibility we have and can trump even our best intentions for an undisclosed period of time afterward.
Whew! I didn't go for the beer cooler this morning! I came to this site and kept busy and told on my disease and I feel better.
God bless!
I use THINK
THINK
THINK
as a rule and often. Think of taking that drink...Think where that drink will take you...Think of the way you will feel when the drunk is over and all the regret and self loathing inevitably set in. Something profound that a member once shared with me is that "When we drink we give everyone else power over us."
We give them the power to fingerpoint, scapegoat and compartmentalize us into the 'alcoholic box' which dissolves any and all credibility we have and can trump even our best intentions for an undisclosed period of time afterward.
Whew! I didn't go for the beer cooler this morning! I came to this site and kept busy and told on my disease and I feel better.
God bless!
Ive got quite a bit of financial insecurity in my life lately, the stress is huge, and the pressure to catch up or be labled (by myself)a failure is heavy. Drinking today would dfinately "disolve my credibility" with my landloard, who is letting me stay even though i owe 3 months past rent. Alcohol is a solvent, yeah?
Thanks for sharing -
signed - the guy that needed to hear that today...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 37
" We ceased fighting anything and everyone,because we had to."
The truth... soeasy to know, so challenging to live.
Progress, not perfection, Music.
It's now 9 pm and my night is not over yet as Ihave to take care of some responsibilities. Got through that dangerous feeling this morning. Thanks for all the feedback! Stay strong, Aa vark!
Gotta run. Peace to you all.
The truth... soeasy to know, so challenging to live.
Progress, not perfection, Music.
It's now 9 pm and my night is not over yet as Ihave to take care of some responsibilities. Got through that dangerous feeling this morning. Thanks for all the feedback! Stay strong, Aa vark!
Gotta run. Peace to you all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Wolfman
The truth... soeasy to know, so challenging to live.
Progress, not perfection, Music.
Progress, not perfection, Music.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 37
No excuses here, friend. Just saying that sometimes when an animal is cornered he reacts. When the Saturation of negativity goes on for a prolonged period of time, sometimes DESIDERATA is overridden by emotion.
Ideally, we would hope to be like the grand rock protruding from the rushing current, parting the water and remaining still...
Those closest to us sometimes know the shortest routes to pushing our buttons.
Yesterday is a memory and I made it through it clean and sober.
It's a new day."...By now, sanity has returned."
Resentment is the no.1 killer.
"we draw our fellows faults in the sand, to be washed away by the morning tide."
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."
Gotta run.
Peace to you.
-Wolfman
Ideally, we would hope to be like the grand rock protruding from the rushing current, parting the water and remaining still...
Those closest to us sometimes know the shortest routes to pushing our buttons.
Yesterday is a memory and I made it through it clean and sober.
It's a new day."...By now, sanity has returned."
Resentment is the no.1 killer.
"we draw our fellows faults in the sand, to be washed away by the morning tide."
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."
Gotta run.
Peace to you.
-Wolfman
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Well, I'll say one thing for you. You're a silver tongued devil, you are. Now, if you use some of that intelligence to make a major decision like, "I'm just not going to fight," there would be one person out of the equation. Last time I looked, it took two to tango, or tangle if you will. Take one dog out of the fight, and there ain't no fight. Personally, I step out of the corner and go talk to my sponsor, or go to a meeting, or just go for a walk until I can think enough to get the emotion out of the picture. Then, I go back and discuss the problem like a sober adult. The last person I want to hurt with my words and actions is my wife. So, I just don't. Simple.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Those closest to us sometimes know the shortest routes to pushing our buttons.
Yesterday is a memory and I made it through it clean and sober.
It's a new day."...By now, sanity has returned."
Resentment is the no.1 killer.
"we draw our fellows faults in the sand, to be washed away by the morning tide."
-Wolfman
Yesterday is a memory and I made it through it clean and sober.
It's a new day."...By now, sanity has returned."
Resentment is the no.1 killer.
"we draw our fellows faults in the sand, to be washed away by the morning tide."
-Wolfman
Also, i see where music is coming from.
As far as having buttons pushed, i was one BIG button - waiting for another excuse to get stoned... Push me...I'll show them... LOL...
"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, its because i find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to ME..." bb p417
"I must keep my magnifying mind ON my acceptance, and OFF of my my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see that I've never had it so good. Thank God for AA.." bb p420
Understanding this, in the context of the first and second steps, was another level of surrender for me. A soulution to the unmanageability. Acceptance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Aa_vark
another good share wolf.
Also, i see where music is coming from.
As far as having buttons pushed, i was one BIG button - waiting for another excuse to get stoned... Push me...I'll show them... LOL...
"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, its because i find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to ME..." bb p417
"I must keep my magnifying mind ON my acceptance, and OFF of my my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see that I've never had it so good. Thank God for AA.." bb p420
Understanding this, in the context of the first and second steps, was another level of surrender for me. A soulution to the unmanageability. Acceptance.
Also, i see where music is coming from.
As far as having buttons pushed, i was one BIG button - waiting for another excuse to get stoned... Push me...I'll show them... LOL...
"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, its because i find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to ME..." bb p417
"I must keep my magnifying mind ON my acceptance, and OFF of my my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see that I've never had it so good. Thank God for AA.." bb p420
Understanding this, in the context of the first and second steps, was another level of surrender for me. A soulution to the unmanageability. Acceptance.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Originally Posted by Wolfman
In my past, there has been nothing more powerful than emotional stress and psychic strain to send me out on a drunk to quell away the madness in my mind and the pain in my heart.
My sobriety was greatly challenged this morning. During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively. Were it not for our children I question whether either of us would endure this roller coaster relationship with it's blissful highs and its shuddering lows.
-Wolfman
My sobriety was greatly challenged this morning. During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively. Were it not for our children I question whether either of us would endure this roller coaster relationship with it's blissful highs and its shuddering lows.
-Wolfman
I had a very low threshold for pain.
Even today at the slighest hint of headache I grab for the bottle of Ibuprofen.Something I still need to work on.
Pain comes with the territory of life. A similar thing can be said of relationships.
Except for Mr. & Mrs. Huxtable on the Cosby show I know of no one who does not describe some degree of highs and lows in their marriage.
Perhaps you will find greater serenity when you learn to appreciate the highs and accept the lows.
People nowadays are too quick to talk divorce.
You did the right thing by not drinking. Just don't forget that recovery is more than just putting down the glass.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 468
I think so too, music...
It's amazing how quick i can be to rent out space in my brain all of the negative advertising. How quick i'll throw up a billboard of righteous indignation, anger, fear resentment - on my mental highway...
Wolf, i like the sand analogy alot.
It's amazing how quick i can be to rent out space in my brain all of the negative advertising. How quick i'll throw up a billboard of righteous indignation, anger, fear resentment - on my mental highway...
Wolf, i like the sand analogy alot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 37
I loathe conflict. I deal with it alot differently these days than I used to, though.
Now when I take a walk to clear my head it's around the block instead of around the country.
Music, I have been taken by your postings since I came to SR. Not looking for loopholes to excuse behavior that isn't sober...
Thanks for keeping it real and calling me on my s#*t, though.
One of my favorite things to meditate on when the waters get choppy is
" I can see peace instead of this."
also, a little amusing and less lofty:
"When arguing with an a#*hole, make sure that they aren't doing the same."
Gotta run...
-wolfman
Now when I take a walk to clear my head it's around the block instead of around the country.
Music, I have been taken by your postings since I came to SR. Not looking for loopholes to excuse behavior that isn't sober...
Thanks for keeping it real and calling me on my s#*t, though.
One of my favorite things to meditate on when the waters get choppy is
" I can see peace instead of this."
also, a little amusing and less lofty:
"When arguing with an a#*hole, make sure that they aren't doing the same."
Gotta run...
-wolfman
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
