Tally

I come to this site everyday, even more so when I'm going through a rough patch.
I read every updated post, feel everyones pain, some posts make me cry, some make me smile...Some make me nod in agreement and scowl with anger....

See the thing is, even though I read every word, I don't feel qualified to respond to most posts, if any.
Everybody seems to give such sound advice, whether it is heeded is another thing, but the thought and the common sense is there and the compassion and understanding...

I feel all these things too but because of the situation I'm in, I feel daft offering advice, so all I seem to do is take from this board and not give anything back...which saddens me

Does anyone else feel this? Alot of posts here make me upset and angry, I wanna respond "leave the basxxrd" (in bold and caps) but how I can I dish out the advice when I'm in a crappy situation myself, I can't say what I think because I'm not following my own advice.

Anyway, enough moaning, just wanted to say thank you really to everyone on this board, even though I don't say much, your wisdom is appreciated, and it's so nice to know I'm not going through this crap alone! xxx

Pick-a-name

(((Missus)))

Experience, stregnth and hope.......that is what we share with each other; nothing more or less. You certainly are as "qualified" as I am (or any one else) to do that. No one else can tell your story, your experience, your slant on things,etc......we all need that from each other or we will have nothing here.

Don't be shy! Feel free to speak up! We are here to share...the good and the bad. Hope you will post more often!!!

nutz

Don't be so hard on yourself.
Feeling is good, it's okay to feel whatever you want to feel.

ICU

You do give back just by posting what you post about your own situation. So many newbies that have been lurking for awhile may read your post, or someone else's and that might just give them the courage to post their own story as well.

I hope this next part comes out right....sometimes people that have been on the recovery journey for awhile also need a reminder of where they once were so they can gage, and appreciate the progress that they have made.

We don't need to give advice, although many of us do (ahem, yes, me too) to help others or to give back! Just by you being here and sharing helps in probably more ways than you realize.

denny57

OK, guess what, you may have helped someone with that post! I try to not give advice either - don't always succeed - but try to share what has happened to me. You will never know if something you say strikes a chord. But you have admitted your feelings and someone else out there feeling the same way may now feel more "normal."

cwohio

yep - i feel that way too missus - i don't have my A husband in my life anymore but all the baggage that went with it is certainly still there. and like was said above - even if you are not responding, just posting where you are at helps SOMEONE feel not so alone!

equus

Sr needs different people that experience different things and respond in their own way. I think that's what builds a community.

I don't always have the confidence to respond straight away, sometimes I hope things will get clearer as more is said, sometimes it's just because I have no experience in what the poster is saying.

I think doing what you feel comfortable with is the best way to add to community, you're an individual and (if you're anything like me) will have times where it feels easier and others when it feels harder - I think that's valuable rather than being a problem.

minnie

Missus, when I first came here I took and took and took. Mainly reading, but also though posting. Frankly, I didn't have that much to give apart from another story of lies, hidden bottles and manipulation. In fact, I don't think I really posted for months after joining and even then it took ages to start my own posts. Then, I started to learn about myself through counselling and al-anon meetings and started to share because I wanted people walking alongside me - I was (and am) so blessed that they did. Now the pendulum has swung the other way and I am not in a position to share about my current life, so I try and use this time to share about how it was and what helped me.

Everyone is right to say that simply sharing your story helps. Remember the relief you felt when you realised you weren't alone? That is a great gift you can give someone else.

lillian

thanks for your post- i post to help get things out- i am grateful that there's no screening, because if there were, i'd feel bad/like i should be screened out because logically, i should post once, then read all of the good advice people give and TAKE IT-- and then not post again till i actually try some of the advice and have a different problem. i still am so grateful because i am glad there's a place to put my feelings up- when someone responds and wants me to feel better,i feel cared about- i don't judge the advice as good or bad-- it's usually never advice anyway, just a response- how someone else "sees" it,or someone else's experience-- also, to post to someone else makes me feel better because i can get out of my head- and when i see that some one else has a problem like mine, and i can see it, it helps me see my own. sadly i am like a mule- slow and stubborn- i have to hear it again and again. anyway, have a good night!

IrshIzNotSmilin

Thank you. Sometimes I mix up my words, sometimes i post wrong, sometimes I just blurt out all of this emotion, sometimes I just share a feeling, sometimes I am mad, sometimes I am sad, sometimes I joke, and sometimes I FEEL DAFT. Love that one reminds me of my mum.... my mom is from Wales got a lot of that growing up. So you do not have to stress out your 'LOAF' haha . I am not qualified for handing out advice I just live it. I just feel it. I just share it. Nice to hear you. Bloody well right. RYGHT!!!! LOL

MamaGoose

Hi Missus,

Oh yes sometimes I want to scream "Throw the bum out already!" and
sometimes these posts are so sad that I cry,
sometimes I have no experience in the topic and can't offer any suggestions or advice.

Most people are looking for validation, support and to feel that they are not alone.

Many times I just reply that I will be praying for them and their loved ones.

We really can't solve any of their problems but we can all reach out a hand or a hug to someone who is hurting.

Thanks for the post.

Pick-a-name

Missus........you are here doing just what we are all doing.....sharing and caring. Thanks for being here, all of you!

meli2005

You help others by reminding them they are not alone. Sometimes just offering encouragement or saying I know how you feel, can offer great relief to a suffering person.

luvroses

I can relate to what you are saying.....I have had a real problem within myself of sharing. I've been dealing with it for a long, long time and want it to go away. My question to myself was why could everyone else share or know what to say and I didn't....I didn't feel qualified to help....I didn't feel like what I would say would be okay or that someone would think what I said was just dumb.

I've been looking at this within myself and trying to find where this was coming from. So far, what I have figured out is that it comes from, for me, growing up in an alcoholic home and always being told I wasn't good enough for a long, long time, and stuffing my feelings. Basically........I have a bad self-esteem and problems with trust. Knowing that, I started taking little chances (because inside, I want to be able to share like everyone else.....participating, sharing, etc., is something I want badly!)

The little chances I started taking was....I started reading at meetings (this way I figured I could share my voice...not much, but it was a start)....no one laughed at me. Then, I started answering little things on a couple boards I go to.....sometimes just to say, I can relate and my heart feels for you. No one laughed or said anything bad. I started sharing on the boards more. Now, a couple weeks ago, I shared at a meeting! It felt so good.....I felt like I had found my voice again. Once again, no one put me down for doing that....in fact, just the opposite....more people came up and talked to me afterwards.

I'm not saying I can share totally freely now. It's still something I work hard on, but it feels good to see improvement......I just keep using babysteps. One day, I'm hoping it will feel totally comfortable...it's getting better and better as I grow.

You are an important part of this board and have experience, strength and hope just by living in the situation you are living in. My old sponsor told me once that by helping others, I am helping myself. I really wanted to help others, but wasn't so secure about helping myself at the time....in the family I was raised in, that wasn't something that was encouraged...in fact, just the opposite was....so, I'm open to relearning now.

Just what you wrote has already helped someone. You've helped me because it makes me feel I am not alone and not "different."

Tally

Aww thanks everyone for all the replies....feel abit better now

Thats it exactly luvroses! Cos I don't feel myself qualified to respond I think what I might say will sound daft...I've often clicked reply, typed out a whole lot of stuff and then deleted it, lol

When I read saddening/maddening posts here I get all flabbergasted as to why they would let themselves be treated this way, and then I stop and remember I let myself be treated the same, so for me to reply "run for the hills, you can do better" would be hypocritical as everybody has their own personal limits, so far I haven't found mine, so who am I to dish out the advice..

So maybe I should see it as me not "giving advice" but as sharing my experiences.

But then at the same time, I don't wanna come here just to moan about what a git he has been when we've had a fight, like "oh god, here she goes again" lol, Guess I need to find a balance!

But thanks for all the responses, will try and "share" abit more and not feel so self conscious!