sweetstash

Hey there people. I honestly don't know if I am trying to be sober or if it is just happening. I basically am out of work, and flat broke and am feeling terrible for things I have done to get money recently, so I have stayed sober these past few days. I want to be "normal". I mean I don't want to be a friggin crackhead... or use weed to maintenance myself anymore - but I just don't seem to be taking this seriously. Money is a trigger for me. I have used up my welcome with my family and am afraid to tell them that I am struggling AGAIN and should NOT have money near me. Part of me is even afraid to get another job for that reason. Not like I will use the money for rent... I dunno. I am depressed and am fighting off this tremedous anxiety every single day. I start to jones by about 6 or 7 pm and then obsess like crazy... if I am alone. If I stay close to my family, I feel better. I have zero friends. Zero contacts in the program - I do go to meetings once in a while. I just feel very disconnected with everyone and everything. I am kickin my own ass everyday, all day too. I hate myself... so that makes it easy to put the pipe to my lips... gross. I don't know anymore. Why am I ******* hopeless? I have put the masks back on and am havin trouble facing this thing.

Hopeless in Connecticut -

TONYTEXAS

Three Days Is A Great Start! Boy Do I Hate That Crack. Keep It Up That Stuff Is Garbage. Your At The Right Place!

Time2Surrender

Congrats on 3 days. I used to think money was a trigger too. Then I realized, breathing was a trigger. Everything was a trigger. Try NA. I have been off Crack for nearly a year. If I can do it, anyone can.

emmer

Hi there, Just try to hang in there.....I'm stuggling too ....bad withdraws. You are on the right track staying away from that crap. You'll feel sooo much better in recovery,I still feel sick but ya know I feel better withdrawing than I did using. God Bless...Joe.

In memory of miracle

congradulations on your 3 days off.Be proud of yourself, thats not easy, Stick with it, ths days will add up. Nasty drug, I know how hard it is, bless you.
Prayers, Trish

Aa_vark

Hi SweetS,

What T2S said, that was true for me , too... It wasnt the money, it was facing my reality. I just wanted to feel different like right now! The crack didnt make me feel better, it just beat me down without concern. I felt pretty horrible, before giving rehab and meetings a try. I had lost just about everything, dignity was the final straw for me. I wanted a new life... I HAD to work the steps, addiction almost killed me. Recover, or go on to the bitter end... thats what they told me around meetings. Lotsa clean/sober people are willing to help you find what we found. Just for today. One day at a time... Why dont you go for day four, and hit a meeting with people who want to share the solution? Maybe you should spread out, and ad some AA meetings into the mix, too? Theres good recovery there, too... And they share the solution,too... Im sure if you keep reaching out, you'll start to feel more connected... Isolation is a symptom of addiction, ya know...

I know what your going through. And you never have to use again. You can recover. We do recover.

more prayers,

Aaron

Peter

Narcotics Anonymous is one of the easiest place to find friends. All you have to do is be honest about your using and ask for help.

Your family will be a little more tolerant of you if they see you are serious about getting clean.

There are ways to get around the "money trigger" problem. Do not let it be an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for yourself.

I have known addicts who ask trusted friends and family to be their accountability partners. You do not have to handle a single dime and sit down with pen and paper and work out how your family can handle your money.

You can do this until you are well enough to take over the responsibility for yourself.

Nobody recovers by osmosis. It takes hard work and dedication.

Good luck with the 3 days.

zapper

I was on my way to day two for all sellers were dry, I am an opiate addict, so the 1st hits and wham, I spent my rent money, food money all on pills that will not get me to next konth, I could do a reduction of the rest I do have, though I have to have someone other than B/F hold for me, for he is an addict waiting for his oxy Rx and yeah he is on methadone, just lost his take homes for they did a pill count, oh the web some of us weave...

The odd thing? I was at some peace on day two, called acceptance, day one was hell for me and I was agitated and very unkind to everyone

JMChad

GL bro you can do it man!

dragonlady

ss, I totally know where you're coming from! Sad to say being broke is the only reason I'm not smoking crack right now-I'm about to have my probation revoked because I blew the money-I don't want ANY money in my hands! I'm SO sick of this insane cycle! Stay on these boards-these people are great!

Gooch

Congrats on days without using no matter what forced our hands.

God has a way of doing for us what we can't do for ourselves.

Done_With_It

Glad to see you hear. I know it's tough. But you CAN do it.
Get yourself to more meetings. What about 90/90?

Keep checking in.

TONYTEXAS

Hey There How Are Things Going? Let Us Know When You Can

Time4Change

Hi and welcome, Sweetstash! Really glad you're here. And congratulations on your newly-found cleantime! You've received a lot of great advice from the loving members here at SR, so I don't have much to add. Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for you and am here for you if you ever need to talk. I pray you're still clean today. Check in when you can, okay? We'd love to hear how you're doing.

One day at a time, SS!

~ Kelly ~