February 19 Reservations


"Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a
reservation in our program."

Basic Text, p. 76


A reservation is something we set aside for future use. In our case, a
reservation is the expectation that, if such-and-such happens, we will
surely relapse. What event do we expect will be too painful to bear?
Maybe we think that if a spouse or lover leaves us, we will have to get
high. If we lose our job, surely, we think, we will use. Or maybe it's
the death of a loved one that we expect to be unbearable. In any case,
the reservations we harbor give us permission to use when they come
true-as they often do.

We can prepare ourselves for success instead of relapse by examining
our expectations and altering them where we can. Most of us carry within
us a catalog of anticipated misery closely related to our fears. We can
learn how to survive pain by watching other members live through
similar pain. We can apply their lessons to our own expectations. Instead of
telling ourselves we will have to get high if this happens, we can
quietly reassure ourselves that we, too, can stay clean through whatever
life brings us today.


Just for today: I will check for any reservations that may endanger my
recovery and share them with another addict.

pg. 51