first time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 7
first time
Well, hey this is my first time here. Heard about it awhile ago and decided to give it a try. My name is Kimberly and I'm almost 20 years old. I'm a college student going into the medical field. My father is an alcoholic and has been since I could remember. After one night when me and my brother found him passed out on the floor and we didn't know if he was dead or not my mother gave him the ultimatum of going to rehab or us leaving him. So, he did. And he stayed sober for a year. On my 19th b-day he started drinking again. Telling my mother that he liked to drink and he could handle it. Since, my mother married him young she is so dependent on him that she will always stay. My father is probably one of the worst alcoholics there is. I grew up in the bars and remember him letting us drive us home when we are just as old as 8 years old. When he would come home from the bar as soon as us kids heard the pickup we would scramble to each others rooms, its almost rather funny. We looked like a bunch of hyena's 
. I couldn't even begin to say all the **** he put my family through. I was always the bitter one always refusing to drink with him or drive him home. So I was never his favorite . He never did hit any of us. I do remember once when he was drunk he held my 3 year old sister out of the car window while my mother was driving because he thought it was funny. I forgave him once and was so proud of him when he went to rehab but when he started drinking again I disowned him. To me my father is dead. I'm tired of constantly having to worry about my siblings that are still stuck at home with him. I want to be able to live a life where I didn't always have to fix things at home. Well, thats the story of me 
and my dysfunctional family :shades2:
. I couldn't even begin to say all the **** he put my family through. I was always the bitter one always refusing to drink with him or drive him home. So I was never his favorite . He never did hit any of us. I do remember once when he was drunk he held my 3 year old sister out of the car window while my mother was driving because he thought it was funny. I forgave him once and was so proud of him when he went to rehab but when he started drinking again I disowned him. To me my father is dead. I'm tired of constantly having to worry about my siblings that are still stuck at home with him. I want to be able to live a life where I didn't always have to fix things at home. Well, thats the story of me and my dysfunctional family :shades2:
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Welcome Kimmy!
We know how much you're hurting. I'm so glad you joined us. Have you thought about attending alanon or ACOA(Adult Children of Alcoholics) ?
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
We know how much you're hurting. I'm so glad you joined us. Have you thought about attending alanon or ACOA(Adult Children of Alcoholics) ?
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
I've been where you've been
Kimmy:
I've been there! Only a few differences in my life and yours--my dad hit (beat), & he didn't make us drive home--he drove us in whatever state he was in. My mother died when I was 11, and we were taken out of his home and put in foster homes when I was 13. The best thing that ever happened to me!
I just wanted to caution you that children of alcoholics often marry alcholics. My husband was not even a drinker until he was 30 (I married him when he was 23), but his dad was an alcoholic. My husband is now an alcoholic. I never thought I'd be where I'm at right now. Just be careful of who you choose, and get the help you need to overcome! You can do it!
Hugs, Lyn
I've been there! Only a few differences in my life and yours--my dad hit (beat), & he didn't make us drive home--he drove us in whatever state he was in. My mother died when I was 11, and we were taken out of his home and put in foster homes when I was 13. The best thing that ever happened to me!
I just wanted to caution you that children of alcoholics often marry alcholics. My husband was not even a drinker until he was 30 (I married him when he was 23), but his dad was an alcoholic. My husband is now an alcoholic. I never thought I'd be where I'm at right now. Just be careful of who you choose, and get the help you need to overcome! You can do it!
Hugs, Lyn
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Climbing outa da Black Hole
Posts: 146
Hi Kimmy,
Welcome! I'm glad you found us! There is alot of support & wonderful people on this forum!
My father too was an alcoholic, who eventually took his own life. My husband is addicted to pot, been clean for 9 months now. But is still dabbling in alcohol (actually Christmas eve was his last drink!)
Have you gone to any Alanon mtgs? I found they helped me immensely!
Hugs,
Welcome! I'm glad you found us! There is alot of support & wonderful people on this forum!
My father too was an alcoholic, who eventually took his own life. My husband is addicted to pot, been clean for 9 months now. But is still dabbling in alcohol (actually Christmas eve was his last drink!)
Have you gone to any Alanon mtgs? I found they helped me immensely!
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
I would like to welcome you Kimmy!
You have come to a great place!! I can only imagine how hard it would be to have a parent as a alcoholic. I do know that loving someone with the problem is difficult and coming here has helped me so very much!
Taking care of yourself is your first priority. You will learn how to become stronger and learn how to deal with this illness.
Take care and keep coming back,
matters
You have come to a great place!! I can only imagine how hard it would be to have a parent as a alcoholic. I do know that loving someone with the problem is difficult and coming here has helped me so very much!
Taking care of yourself is your first priority. You will learn how to become stronger and learn how to deal with this illness.
Take care and keep coming back,
matters
Banned User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: reno nevada
Posts: 34
the marriage go round
Does anyone know why children fron alcoholic homes usually marry an alcoholic spouse even when they state through tear filled eyes "it will never happen to me". Any thoughts or even speculation would be greatly appreciated as my niece is engaged right now, and my family is filled with alcoholics.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Kimmy
I just want to welcome you too and hope you will find that the information, fellowship and understanding here will ease your burden.
Sadly, there is nothing you can do for your father, but you can help yourself heal from the pain. If you haven't already, please try going to an ACOA meeting.
And feel free to talk to us anytime.
I just want to welcome you too and hope you will find that the information, fellowship and understanding here will ease your burden.
Sadly, there is nothing you can do for your father, but you can help yourself heal from the pain. If you haven't already, please try going to an ACOA meeting.
And feel free to talk to us anytime.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Hi Kimmy; I am so glad your here...It really gives me hope you will get healthy alot quicker than I did.
On these pages you can find help and understanding...Just take what you can use and leave the rest...(a line from the suggested closing of Al-Anon meetings)
Blessings to all of you so glad your here.
On these pages you can find help and understanding...Just take what you can use and leave the rest...(a line from the suggested closing of Al-Anon meetings)
Blessings to all of you so glad your here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 7
thanks everyone
Thanks everyone! I have heard that most of the time children of alcoholics marry an alcoholic too. And it worries me because I am engaged and I'm terrified of living my childhood life all over again. My fiancee doesn't drink excessively but does drink when he plays with his band on the weekends. Even though he doesn't get drunk every weekend it still really worries me. I'm afraid down the road it will pick up. He knows how much I've been hurt in the past by an alcoholic and I did tell him that even though I don't believe in divorce I would leave him if he ever became a drunk. Don't you wish we could see into the future ? Anyone got some advice for this .
? Anyone got some advice for this .
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Kim!
I don't have any advice about your fiance, but just so you know, I'm the child of an alcoholic (my story is VERY similar to yours, my dad finally found recovery when I was 21), wife of an addict, and a codependent crawling through recovery. The reason us ACoAs often end up with A's is that we develop certain codependent traits as the result of growing up in such a dysfunctional environment. And, not understanding these traits and patterns, we unintentionally attract and are attracted to the same kind of personality we grew up with, i.e., the alcoholic or addict. I believe that once we become aware of our codependency and the patterns that run through families because of the disease of alcoholism and addiction, we then have the power to break the cycle.
Check out Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" and see if it applies to you. It's helped me tremendously in recognzing my own behavior and sickness.
I don't have any advice about your fiance, but just so you know, I'm the child of an alcoholic (my story is VERY similar to yours, my dad finally found recovery when I was 21), wife of an addict, and a codependent crawling through recovery.
The reason us ACoAs often end up with A's is that we develop certain codependent traits as the result of growing up in such a dysfunctional environment. And, not understanding these traits and patterns, we unintentionally attract and are attracted to the same kind of personality we grew up with, i.e., the alcoholic or addict. I believe that once we become aware of our codependency and the patterns that run through families because of the disease of alcoholism and addiction, we then have the power to break the cycle.Check out Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" and see if it applies to you. It's helped me tremendously in recognzing my own behavior and sickness.
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