Luckyv2

Hello family I just thought that I need to post here to update everyone on where I am today and what has been going on. I have another thread going on but as I also know some of us just stay right here. This is basically my home here at SR anyway. I don't know where to start so I guess I will start a few weeks back.

I was on the interferon treatments as you all know, I am not sure if you know how the treatment for my Hep C effected my mind. I think I made a post here about what had happened and I ended up in the emergency room because I feel into a deep depression, I could not leave my apt. I reached out like I have never reached out before here in my community of my NA/AA family. I had my sponsor here with me through all of it. Anyway I have been off of the shots now for a few weeks. My mind has gone back to the normality yet they are increasing my meds for Anti-D's and also a mood stabilizer that also helps control anxiety. They are hoping that by the beginning of next month that the medicine will be in full force by then to counteract the treatment for the Hep C and the interferon shots.

I would like to say that I know what is going on with me but I don't. I have completed my 5th Step in the NA Step Study Guide and I am going to review it this coming week with my sponsor. Yes I am a little bit nervous about this to be completely honest, yet I also know that it is going to turn out. Here lately I haven't been reading the Basic Text, I have been studying it. Not only have I been studying the Basic Text, I have been applying it to the best of my ability. I have been doing meetings everyday, and I have had people from the program calling me almost everyday if not everyday.

I am feeling so different, I don't know how to explain how I am feeling. Today for the first time I have realized that I LOVE MYSELF!!! I felt the love for me!! I just really don't understand what is going on with me but then again I don't think that I need to understand it either. You know life is life. I am actually living life today, I am no longer existing. Just like today, I went to the movies with a friend (Under World) and I have not gone to the movies in years. When we were sitting there it was so awesome, the movie was wonderful, yet it is almost as if I am looking at things with different eyes today. It is almost as if everything just seems pure.

I just want to thank each of you for all of your love and support. You know my family SR, I could NEVER have done this without each and everyone of you. The newcomers that come remind me that this deal does work, the old timers give me hope, and I know that the longer that I am clean and sober the less that I really know. I LOVE YOU FRIENDS!!!! I really do, thank you for all of your words, love, friendship, trust, support, and for just being YOU!!

My next step is 6 and I have heard that this step separates the men from the boys. Well today I know that men cry, today I know that if I want to be that man I need to do what the men before me do. I am taking suggestions and I am doing what I am told. Truly life is life and there is neither good or bad it just is. Nothing is more important today to me than my sobriety NOTHING!!! I don't think that I am going to KEEP COMING BACK....>>>>I AM GOING TO STAY!!! Just For Today!!!



Love Vic

Gooch

Great post bro . More and more I see a mean, lean, serene machine, instead of a panicky, scared, mood swinging maniac.


Ya put a smile on my face this evening.

Phinneas

((((Vic)))) If you only knew how proud I am of you! Your growth and progress has been an inspritation to me and many others I'm sure. You live the Truth that no matter what, we don't have to pick up. Wow, Vic. Just wow.

Luckyv2

Thanks Gooch I appreciate that I feel good

Thanks Phinny and you know you are truly an inspiration also and I have loved watch you grow as well.

I just got off of the phone with the nurse and she wants to start my shots again this Thursday, now my Psychiatrist said to wait until March 1 after she evaluated me again, so I am going to give her a call and let her know that they want me to start them again in 3 days. I am really feeling some anxiety today now but I need to just relax and take a deep breath and I know that it will all be OK.

Love Vic

Anna

Oh Vic, it's a great post!

I am glad that they're waiting for the new meds to do their thing before they start you back on the shots. I think it's great that you can say you're not really sure what's going on with you, but it's all okay. So often we spend so much time and energy trying to figure out exactly what's going on and sometimes it doesn't really matter. It's just life and we're living it.

I'm so glad you're doing well and I love that "mean, lean serene machine"!!

In memory of miracle

(((( Vic )))))
I'm so glad your feeling better...
Bless, Trish

cmc

Wonderful and an inspiration!!! Keep on staying the course!
cmc
ps
It always gives me hope to hear a story like yours- for myself and my loved ones who suffer.
God Bless YOU!

Luckyv2

Thanks Anna and yes I think sometimes we spend way to much time and energy trying to figure out things that really don't need to be figured out. I think that has a lot to do with just acceptance also. I know that when I am in the acceptance mode everything seems to be OK. It is when I think that I need to understand why that I get mixed up in the head.

Thanks Trish you know sometimes I also believe that it is really on how we perceive things to be. I also believe that the more I put into my PROGRAM the better that I feel about everything. I just need to do the right thing for the right reasons.

Thanks and I really believe that as long as someone is breathing that there is always hope. I truly believe that any addict can recover, if they want to. I know a lot of people that need it but if they in fact don't want it, it won't do any good. I knew for a long time during my relapsing from April 2004 thru March of 2005 that once I picked up it really didn't feel as if I had a choice. I remember sitting in a meeting in May of 2005 and I was wondering why these people are staying clean and I am not. I asked myself why and the answer I got was because they wanted to stay clean. Also for a junkie like me, since Jan 2002 up until today I have only had 25 days total of using. It was really hard to get back this time but I also know that it is doable.

Well hope each of you have a blessed day.

Love Vic

cmc

Vic,
It is so good to hear from you- thanks for helping other to have hope! It sounds like you have had a spiritual breakthrough! I don't know you- but the way you said you are beginning to feel about YOURSELF is a very good sign of recovery. I am getting better in that area of loving myself, too. We are loved by God, how can we not love ourselves? Breaking the old cycles of thought and actions brings us to see His truthl We were created for abundant life!
take care,

cmc

Moontime

congrats Vic!! We love you and we need you!

godsonmyside

Thats right Vic, Don't let anything rob you of Hope!!!!

Peace,
Todd J.

catcrazy

"I am feeling so different, I don't know how to explain how I am feeling. Today for the first time I have realized that I LOVE MYSELF!!! I felt the love for me!! I just really don't understand what is going on with me but then again I don't think that I need to understand it either. You know life is life. I am actually living life today, I am no longer existing. Just like today, I went to the movies with a friend (Under World) and I have not gone to the movies in years. When we were sitting there it was so awesome, the movie was wonderful, yet it is almost as if I am looking at things with different eyes today. It is almost as if everything just seems pure."


WOW! You put into words what I felt in rehab just 2 weeks ago, it is so hard to describe yet here you have done it very eloquently. Thank you so much!! Congratulations on your recovery!!
Love,
Cat