notready

Pat yourself on the back, you went a little farther. Reaching out, listening to the advice. I even went to my very first NA meeting Friday night. You're doinng great right. So what is so good about this? I can tell I've set myself up for failure as much as success. Put the cash together to resupply, but haven't. I don't have that big of a problem, see I can quit, you just proved it to yourself. I know my next step is to find a counselor but I warm up slowly. My first NA meeting, didn't make it early, stayed later than a lot. Not dissapointed or enthused, I will make another one. Will try different ones looking for a sponsor and the right home? By the end of today I think I'll be on another run, that's being honest. Hope the majic words to help myself get back here. Have a least a two hour drive to contemplate and set myself up successfully to run out. Asking for help but still not ready, when will you be? Enough rambling........

aloneincntry

I don't have any majic answers for you. I'm simply writing to you in an attempt to save myself. I could run down the list of all the things you could do to help yourself. Read, Write, Pray, Go to a meeting, call someone. When all else fails help someone else.
You can want to use and still stay clean.
I know for myself, and I don't want to get into the whole long detailed story, but it's what I actually do that will make the difference. Constantly tell what your thinking to someone, then it's just thoughts.
Being alone is very dangerous when you feel like what you describe.
Anyway, just stay clean right now. I once had a twelve hour phone conversation, to keep myself from using. Very very very kind person stayed on the phone with me that long.
Take care.
C

Gooch

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

Even when you get the stuff and get it in you, does it still work to take away all the guilt, shame remorse, self disgust? Or are you just chasing the first buzz from way back when?

I wasn't ready until I was ready.

If you can see thesign that says "high-way ends just ahead"your getting as close as you have ever been. Better shift down and hang on. It's a bumpy ride. I can tell you it's surviveable though where as the way I was burning up the lanes back on the blacktop, I was headed nowhere all alone.

Keep coming back.

Phinneas

You don't have to use, even if you want to.

That trusim changed my life.

notready

Getting to the emotional side of withdrawl, don't like it but from reading the posts maybe I can make it through, and see what the other side is like. The best year I can guess that I went into the fog is 1969. Thanks alone, Gooch and Phinny, starting to get to know you just by finding your posts. Great how this site works, I'll be back for more, not sure what condintion. But coming back will be alive, may just make it long enough for a better look at the better things, even though things aren't bad.