I followed him right down the tubes
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 6
I followed him right down the tubes
For such a "smart" woman, I sure am dumb.
Me, I was a successful businesswoman, in my early 50's, wonderful daughter in college, nice house, nice car, the respect of everyone I know. Until a year ago.
He, equally successful, engineering degree, lots going for him. He is financially secure, drives a Range Rover, and looks like the most mainstream guy in the world.
You'd never look at either of us and think that we smoke crack cocaine.
I had tried coke a time or two back in the 70's but had not done anything like that since then. Then, last year I fell in love with this man who seemed to be so centered, so smart. I knew he snorted coke from time to time but stupidly, I didn't let that bother me.
One day, he smoked cocaine in front of me. I didn't even know what the heck crack was. Well, I do now and I slid right down the tubes with him.
Today, he is paranoid, imagining that everyone in the world is out to steal his money or poison his food.
I'm not that far along, thank god. My business has suffered because we stay up so late but other than that, I'm still intact....except perhaps for my self-esteem.
I don't have any insurance, no money and do not have the luxury of just checking into some drug rehab center. Also, I don't believe in "higher powers" so I doubt narcanon would help.
Can someone please give me some guidance on what other programs are available for me? Again, I cannot just go away for some celebrity detox nor do I care to look to spiritual beings for answers. That's just not me.
As for him, he doesn't even realize how far out there he is so I can't help myself and help him, too.
I feel so stupid.
Oh, and the slide down the tube was completely voluntary.
somebody please help me figure this out.
Me, I was a successful businesswoman, in my early 50's, wonderful daughter in college, nice house, nice car, the respect of everyone I know. Until a year ago.
He, equally successful, engineering degree, lots going for him. He is financially secure, drives a Range Rover, and looks like the most mainstream guy in the world.
You'd never look at either of us and think that we smoke crack cocaine.
I had tried coke a time or two back in the 70's but had not done anything like that since then. Then, last year I fell in love with this man who seemed to be so centered, so smart. I knew he snorted coke from time to time but stupidly, I didn't let that bother me.
One day, he smoked cocaine in front of me. I didn't even know what the heck crack was. Well, I do now and I slid right down the tubes with him.
Today, he is paranoid, imagining that everyone in the world is out to steal his money or poison his food.
I'm not that far along, thank god. My business has suffered because we stay up so late but other than that, I'm still intact....except perhaps for my self-esteem.
I don't have any insurance, no money and do not have the luxury of just checking into some drug rehab center. Also, I don't believe in "higher powers" so I doubt narcanon would help.
Can someone please give me some guidance on what other programs are available for me? Again, I cannot just go away for some celebrity detox nor do I care to look to spiritual beings for answers. That's just not me.
As for him, he doesn't even realize how far out there he is so I can't help myself and help him, too.
I feel so stupid.
Oh, and the slide down the tube was completely voluntary.
somebody please help me figure this out.
Last edited by pizzylou; 01-30-2006 at 02:00 PM. Reason: addition
I'm an addict.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Hey lou, welcome to SR.
THere are a few non 12-step recovery groups out there such as Lifering, SMARTrecovery and Rational Recovery...I don't any experience with any of them though, sorry.
I do Narcotics Anonymous and like you I am not about getting religion or going to church or worshiping a diety to keep me clean, but that isn't what NA is about...I had a misconception that that was what it was about, but I was wrong.
The whole "higher power" thing simply means trusting in a power greater than yourself to help you out.....this website is a power greater than yourself, the people in meetings are collectively a power greater than yourself.....it has absolutely nothing to do with religion for me. NA does work, even for agnostic junkies like me.
THere are a few non 12-step recovery groups out there such as Lifering, SMARTrecovery and Rational Recovery...I don't any experience with any of them though, sorry.
I do Narcotics Anonymous and like you I am not about getting religion or going to church or worshiping a diety to keep me clean, but that isn't what NA is about...I had a misconception that that was what it was about, but I was wrong.
The whole "higher power" thing simply means trusting in a power greater than yourself to help you out.....this website is a power greater than yourself, the people in meetings are collectively a power greater than yourself.....it has absolutely nothing to do with religion for me. NA does work, even for agnostic junkies like me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: PNW
Posts: 15
I can tell you when I first got clean I wanted nothing to do with a higher power. I just wanted the pain to go away. I surrendered to a way of life that gave me hope and the willingness to try something new.That program is NA.
By following this way of life I have been clean for 22 years. I still do not believe in a god but I have an unshakeable belief in the program. That is all the advice that I can give you. Welcome and good luck to you.
By following this way of life I have been clean for 22 years. I still do not believe in a god but I have an unshakeable belief in the program. That is all the advice that I can give you. Welcome and good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 6
Thank you both
I am pleased to learn that NA is not totally about religion. I thank you both for your input.
Blake, although you are much younger than me, I enjoyed and certainly could relate to what I read in your blog. Heck, I'm not much younger than your grandfather (I'm 53) and it moved me to see how much you loved him.
I'm still very freaked out and have not done a thing about this situation except sit around and drink a couple of shots of vodka, which of course is the worst thing I can do.
I just need some guidance, a swift kick in the a**, and perhaps a little borrowed strength from the rest of you.
I'm in a bad place right now and it's taking every bit of strength I have just to semi-cope.
Blake, although you are much younger than me, I enjoyed and certainly could relate to what I read in your blog. Heck, I'm not much younger than your grandfather (I'm 53) and it moved me to see how much you loved him.
I'm still very freaked out and have not done a thing about this situation except sit around and drink a couple of shots of vodka, which of course is the worst thing I can do.
I just need some guidance, a swift kick in the a**, and perhaps a little borrowed strength from the rest of you.
I'm in a bad place right now and it's taking every bit of strength I have just to semi-cope.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: space
Posts: 28
heres the swift kick in the ass-
keep doing that crap and you'll either die or become so paranoid you will have to depend on other drugs the rest of your life. drugs that make you shake and twitch and drool... then you lose all your friends then your family stops calling.. then you're all by yourself with nothing but an eternal stuggle between bodily movements you can't control and the feeling that the entire world is watching you very closely!!!!
the name of your book will be titled "pizzylou, the great coincedence"
wait and see if it really happens.....
keep doing that crap and you'll either die or become so paranoid you will have to depend on other drugs the rest of your life. drugs that make you shake and twitch and drool... then you lose all your friends then your family stops calling.. then you're all by yourself with nothing but an eternal stuggle between bodily movements you can't control and the feeling that the entire world is watching you very closely!!!!
the name of your book will be titled "pizzylou, the great coincedence"
wait and see if it really happens.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 6
Damn that is really cold, Android.
But not so cold that I can't see the truth in it. If ever there was a "sobering" thought, that was it. I'm going to print it and put in on the fridge. Send me another one, please. Maybe it will take being totally grossed out before I get off my duff and do something about this instead of just searching the freaking web and avoiding everything.
Thank you all for responding, even you Android LOL!
But not so cold that I can't see the truth in it. If ever there was a "sobering" thought, that was it. I'm going to print it and put in on the fridge. Send me another one, please. Maybe it will take being totally grossed out before I get off my duff and do something about this instead of just searching the freaking web and avoiding everything.
Thank you all for responding, even you Android LOL!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 6
Okay, it's on the fridge. It made me almost want to puke to read it but I thank you for that Android. Gross me out some more, please anyone. I obviously don't have the guts to do it myself.
Last edited by pizzylou; 01-31-2006 at 03:42 PM. Reason: addition
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: space
Posts: 28
just keep reading the message i wrote for you everytime you feel like using that stuff.
its true. ive known many people to prove its truth.
it always seems to happen with that particular drug.
go to the book store or library and check out some books on the subject of -paranoia-
you will always read about some guy getting "lit" and destroying his family because he believes unrealistic events are taking place.
of course its extremely rare, but its scary to think about, and its scary when others around you are paranoid because at some point they're going to suspect you are going to try to harm them.
its true. ive known many people to prove its truth.
it always seems to happen with that particular drug.
go to the book store or library and check out some books on the subject of -paranoia-
you will always read about some guy getting "lit" and destroying his family because he believes unrealistic events are taking place.
of course its extremely rare, but its scary to think about, and its scary when others around you are paranoid because at some point they're going to suspect you are going to try to harm them.
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