lucybooz

about 3 weeks ago my 38 yr. old. alcoholic son went on another "binge". lost yet another job and lost a roof over his head. after harboring him for the night for lack of anywhere to sleep, the following morning i sent him on his way telling him he was not welcome in our home living life the way he was. he left my house with only the clothes on his back. about a week later he called and left a message telling me he was alright and was not drunk or dead. he went on to say he would call in a week. well that was 2 weeks ago and i have yet to hear from him. even tho i don't want him in my house, the mother in me is getting increasingly worried as to where he might be and worried that he is safe. i try to convince myself that if anything has happened, we would have been contacted....that is if he even has a wallet to his name anymore with any kind of identification in it. he did call from a pay phone. part of me wants to call the number and see if anyone answers and see where in atlanta he called from - part of me thinks let it go...he will call when he's good and ready. i've been through this so many times, sometimes i think i'm crazy for worrying at all. all i want to know is if he is safe and yes, even alive.

can anyone advise me on this, and if it would be wise for me to start "looking" for him, where do i start?

i don't want him in my house, but i don't want him in harms way either. i'm so torn.

thanks, jane

cwohio

sorry i don't have any advice jane but want to send some hugs to you ((())))

laurie6781

Jane, he's a big boy now, he has to accept the responsibility for his actions. Although it has been 2 weeks in his mind it may only be a few days.

Have you tried Alanon. It might help you with this whole situation.

Remember the three C's. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. And you can't cure it.

I know you are fearful for him right now. How about giving him to God and let God watch over him. All you are doing is making yourself sick with worry.

Please keep posting and let us know how your are doing.

Love and hugs,

best

I am a dad so it seems easier for me to let go.
I also was in your son's shoes for a bit.
He called and said two weeks. It may be two months before he remembers to call again. His not calling is part being a guy and not thinking and can be part shame or guilt. He may be waiting to call when he is sober to a point that he feels he can prove it to you that he will remain sober.

Now time passes...ot oh... I said I would call, now the guilt of not calling has him hold off calling even longer.


Many thoughts and many reasons why he hasn't called.

He will call one day...when the guilt or shame gets the best of him...or when he needs something.

Lets pray that his first call is a call where he is looking for praise, as he tells you he has been sober and is going to meetings.

No contact from him does not mean he is in need of extra worry.

Leave him in God's hands.

CarolD

Prayers and Hugs Jane...

Hon you know there are shelters in Atlanta.
Picture him there peacefully sleeping.

Pick-a-name

Jane: I am sorry you are feeling this way..it is a miserable place to be. Good advice you were given. I get thinking like this and realize that it s MY energy I am draining, and he must not be worried or I would have heard.........probably busy doing what he does. I would hear from AH and what,after worrying and fretting,etc was my response? Some complaint about something I had done or not done (usually something HE should be doing).blah,blah,blah.........same old/same old! ha

Best:Thanks for your response. Wow; you reminded me what I really miss......AH used to be the one who "settled me down" talking like you just did. All these years when I would get gearing up to worry about something, he would quietly calm me down. I really don't have that anymore; most of my major events surround HIM and the insanity he creates. Or our kids, who he assumes I can handle. It makes me feel very sad and alone sometimes. He was my friend and we counted on each other.

brdlvr2

I was in a similiar situation. My xbf was homeless due to his drinking. He'd call alot from pay phones too to check in, but when he didn't, I'd get so worried. Was he in jail, the hospital etc. His mother too was worried sick as like you, she just couldn't take him back in any longer. All the worrying was for nothing. Turns out most of the time when he wasn't calling he was drinking hard, feeling very bad and just didn't want to face or talk to anybody. When he sobered up and yes a few times he did end up at the hospital, he'd call and tell me he's ok. It is a very sad way to live and to this day I cannot understand why anybody would go that route instead of treatment, even in my x's case when he had chance after chance for recovery. I have to remind myself to put him in God's hands. Pray for him and let it go. Not easy for sure. I also know that again, in my x's case, he often would find a place to crash, another person who was partying house, a place where he would do side work etc. But yes, sometimes it was just outside or in a car. Such a shame for sure. Let Go and Let God.

lucybooz

thanks to all for your replies.

every day and night i ask god to please keep him safe. that's all i can do.

this is really nothing new for him - it's just been a little longer than usual. the last time he did this he did check into a hospital and then went on from there to a rehab place. too bad he didn't stay there longer. i knew as soon as he left his half-way-house this was the beginning of another disaster. i really hate to be right, but i know him like a book.

it's sad too, that he has 2 beautiful children whose lives are torn with this mess.

this has to be some form of insanity for one to continue time after time to screw up so much of one's life. living with this is like reading a story in a magazine, etc. - you wonder how they put up with it, how they handle it, and then there you are - living the nightmare yourself.

well, thanks again, and i will update as i can.

jane

pmaslan

Jane...no words of wisdom here
Just wanted to send you a hug and
a prayer that all will be well....

FriendofBill

It is, Jane, a form of insanity. Thats what any type of mental illness is...insanity.

If you were to look for him, besides being a needle/haystack ordeal, what would you do when you find him? You can save him, that has to come from him.

What you can do now, and I believe to be very powerful, is to pray for him to be safe, at peace. The rest is up to him....maybe if he gets hopeless and desperate enough he will seek to change. Dont take that opportunity away from him. Thats how alcoholics get sober....from the pain of their choices.

Hang tight, and keep us updated..praying for you both!

BlueMoon

echoes to everything that's been said -

and -

I think the time comes when the mother bird *knows* she has to push that baby bird out of the safety of the nest - - - and let him learn to fly on his own. Just cuz it's "right" doesn't mean it's *easy*.

I have a grown son who's causing me worries too - it sure was easier when we could just stick them back in their playpen wasn't it???

**{hugs}}


Blue