I can't believe what has happened!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Elk River
Posts: 4
I can't believe what has happened!
Looking for some advice and some good ol opinions to help me understand why a person would do what she did to me.
I had known this women for over 2 years and she had said how she was in such a abusive relationship. SHe had told me how he had beet her up numerious times and that he had also beet up her daughter. We started seeing eachother more and more and she was talking about moving in with me, and then all of a sudden we quit spending time together and she went back to this abussive guy. Some time goes buy, and I thought I'd call her and see how she was doing. And I find out that she had just gottem beeten up again from him. We start talking again and spending time together.
A month after that, she's at his house and they are fighting and she runs out at leaves to get away from him, and he calls the cops on her and of course there is alcohal involved and she gets a dwi, and ends up in jail. So I go up and bail her out and she says to me, Monty what am I going? I'm NEVER going back to that guy. I need to move out of this town and start a new life.
So under the circumstanses she moves in with me. She was put on a monitor for 2 months, being this wasn't her first, it was her 3rd.
Things were going well for us the first 2 months then things started to turn for the worse. She lasted 2 weeks after being off the monitor and started drinking very heavely.. When I say heavely I mean 2 bottles of wine a night. I didn't know what to do.
Her daughter was living here and she was running away, and the night she came home, she was drunk and all hell broke out. She started yelling and screeming at her daughter for running away, and before I know it, she hitting her. The daughter calls the cops. and she is taken away to jail. I call the uncle and he comes up and takes her out of my house, because of obvioius reasons. I go and get her out of jail the next day. and she takes off for a week. She never calls me once, but e-mails me saying she just needs some space. To figure out all of this.
A week of this went by and she comes home becasue she has court, I go to court with her and she all nicey-nice twords me. THen she takes off again, and has been gone ever since.
So I'm thinking one morning I should go online to check my checking account balance, and to my dismay....... it's drained....
- I find out tonight, she has one of my credit cards and she has maxed that out, and I also find out tonight, that she is back with this same guy that has beet her up, her daughter up.
So here are my questions.....
1. How could a person, do this to me. I've opened up my house and heart to this women to help her out and give her a better life?
2. She drained my checking acounts and credit card sober. Can you relate this to her alcoholism? Do you think if she gets help for her drinking, that it will help her out with doing stuff like this? Her lying...... her being sneaking about everying....
I was talking to her dad tonight, and she's talking about going in for treatment. Which is GREAT.... but she won't call me, and she just keeps telling me that she will get me some money soon. Does a person in this state of mind, simply think she won't get caught.... I just don't understand
your opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Lost in MN
I had known this women for over 2 years and she had said how she was in such a abusive relationship. SHe had told me how he had beet her up numerious times and that he had also beet up her daughter. We started seeing eachother more and more and she was talking about moving in with me, and then all of a sudden we quit spending time together and she went back to this abussive guy. Some time goes buy, and I thought I'd call her and see how she was doing. And I find out that she had just gottem beeten up again from him. We start talking again and spending time together.
A month after that, she's at his house and they are fighting and she runs out at leaves to get away from him, and he calls the cops on her and of course there is alcohal involved and she gets a dwi, and ends up in jail. So I go up and bail her out and she says to me, Monty what am I going? I'm NEVER going back to that guy. I need to move out of this town and start a new life.
So under the circumstanses she moves in with me. She was put on a monitor for 2 months, being this wasn't her first, it was her 3rd.
Things were going well for us the first 2 months then things started to turn for the worse. She lasted 2 weeks after being off the monitor and started drinking very heavely.. When I say heavely I mean 2 bottles of wine a night. I didn't know what to do.
Her daughter was living here and she was running away, and the night she came home, she was drunk and all hell broke out. She started yelling and screeming at her daughter for running away, and before I know it, she hitting her. The daughter calls the cops. and she is taken away to jail. I call the uncle and he comes up and takes her out of my house, because of obvioius reasons. I go and get her out of jail the next day. and she takes off for a week. She never calls me once, but e-mails me saying she just needs some space. To figure out all of this.
A week of this went by and she comes home becasue she has court, I go to court with her and she all nicey-nice twords me. THen she takes off again, and has been gone ever since.
So I'm thinking one morning I should go online to check my checking account balance, and to my dismay....... it's drained....
- I find out tonight, she has one of my credit cards and she has maxed that out, and I also find out tonight, that she is back with this same guy that has beet her up, her daughter up.So here are my questions.....
1. How could a person, do this to me. I've opened up my house and heart to this women to help her out and give her a better life?
2. She drained my checking acounts and credit card sober. Can you relate this to her alcoholism? Do you think if she gets help for her drinking, that it will help her out with doing stuff like this? Her lying...... her being sneaking about everying....
I was talking to her dad tonight, and she's talking about going in for treatment. Which is GREAT.... but she won't call me, and she just keeps telling me that she will get me some money soon. Does a person in this state of mind, simply think she won't get caught.... I just don't understand
your opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Lost in MN
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Originally Posted by mrniceguy
So here are my questions.....
1. How could a person, do this to me. I've opened up my house and heart to this women to help her out and give her a better life?
2. She drained my checking acounts and credit card sober. Can you relate this to her alcoholism? Do you think if she gets help for her drinking, that it will help her out with doing stuff like this? Her lying...... her being sneaking about everying....
your opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Lost in MN
1. How could a person, do this to me. I've opened up my house and heart to this women to help her out and give her a better life?
2. She drained my checking acounts and credit card sober. Can you relate this to her alcoholism? Do you think if she gets help for her drinking, that it will help her out with doing stuff like this? Her lying...... her being sneaking about everying....
your opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Lost in MN
I am sorry for your situation.
We have a Friends & Family section here,
You might want to post there too.
Ok...my opinion...
1. Some people are simply predators.
They prey on others for their own benefit
Alcoholic or not.
2. If anyone stole my money...I would have them arrested.
Alcoholic or not.
Ask yourself...does this woman improve my life?
Then go from there.
Take care...Blessings
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Sweetie, sober or not. You are too good for this woman. She's been abusing you in her own way since the day you met her. Get rid of her before she sucks you in deeper.
There is NO EXCUSE for that kind of behavior. She is using you. You teach people how to treat you. You've taught her it's okay to walk all over you and it's not.
There are many many women out there who would kill to have someone as kind, caring and compassionate as you are.
Get rid of this one so one who appreciates you comes into your life.
There is NO EXCUSE for that kind of behavior. She is using you. You teach people how to treat you. You've taught her it's okay to walk all over you and it's not.
There are many many women out there who would kill to have someone as kind, caring and compassionate as you are.
Get rid of this one so one who appreciates you comes into your life.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
I totally agree with Done and Carol!
You are too good for this. This woman sounds predatory. You should run a mile!! Also, what might help is to post this on the friends and family board, as well as possibly, for *you* to check out al-anon...that's a group that meets, consisting of people affected by alcoholism of others, and you can learn what attracts you to this kind of person when clearly she is dangerous.
Good luck!!!
Cathy31
x
You are too good for this. This woman sounds predatory. You should run a mile!! Also, what might help is to post this on the friends and family board, as well as possibly, for *you* to check out al-anon...that's a group that meets, consisting of people affected by alcoholism of others, and you can learn what attracts you to this kind of person when clearly she is dangerous.
Good luck!!!
Cathy31
x
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
There are some women out there that don't lie, cheat and steal. Sorry that you have been taken for such a ride! I wouldn't hold much hope of her changing and even if she does it will be a long time before she should be in a relationship because she will have a LOT of soul searching and change to do.
Hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve!
love brigid
Hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve!
love brigid
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I think she ought to be in jail for stealing your checking and credit card. I hope you will have her arrested.
It sounds like she needs to be sitting in jail with nobody to bail her out. If she does get bailed out again I hope you are not the one who does it. You bailing her out gives her a strong message that she can use you...
It sounds like she needs to be sitting in jail with nobody to bail her out. If she does get bailed out again I hope you are not the one who does it. You bailing her out gives her a strong message that she can use you...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 16
First you were in the wrong for injecting yourself into her life when she was involved in another relationship, a relationship she was obviously happy with for whatever reason because she kept going back to it, over and over and over.
Before anyone and everyone starts in here, I don't buy the psychobable crap about abused women not being able to walk away. Your wasting your time with me with that.
She has repeated negative encounters with alcohol and continues in the insanity.
From what you have said, not one of her relationships is healthy, happy or productive for her or the other person involved.
She is a loser from start to finish before you ever enter the picture and what has your experience been? You have had the cops called out to your house and now you have your credit card stolen and your bank account forged, right? Seems like her pattern is staying pretty consistent to me.
Your attention need to be focused on yourself and why you think and feel you are deserving of that kind of treatment rather than obcessing over her.
You got good advice above, report her to your credit card company, the bank and law enforcement. Stop worrying about her life and mind your own business. From where I am sitting, your not taking care of your own so great, are you?
Good Luck!!
Before anyone and everyone starts in here, I don't buy the psychobable crap about abused women not being able to walk away. Your wasting your time with me with that.
She has repeated negative encounters with alcohol and continues in the insanity.
From what you have said, not one of her relationships is healthy, happy or productive for her or the other person involved.
She is a loser from start to finish before you ever enter the picture and what has your experience been? You have had the cops called out to your house and now you have your credit card stolen and your bank account forged, right? Seems like her pattern is staying pretty consistent to me.
Your attention need to be focused on yourself and why you think and feel you are deserving of that kind of treatment rather than obcessing over her.
You got good advice above, report her to your credit card company, the bank and law enforcement. Stop worrying about her life and mind your own business. From where I am sitting, your not taking care of your own so great, are you?
Good Luck!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by mrniceguy
1. How could a person, do this to me. I've opened up my house and heart to this women to help her out and give her a better life?
2. She drained my checking acounts and credit card sober. Can you relate this to her alcoholism? Do you think if she gets help for her drinking, that it will help her out with doing stuff like this? Her lying...... her being sneaking about everying....
2. Yes, and yes.
Tendencies toward addict behavior can manifest themselves in my life even when I'm not drinking or using. If I don't have the tools to spot them and arrest them, I'm bound to repeat what is normal for me to do when I'm loaded.
By the sounds of your post, she's nowhere near a realization that she doesn't have to drink or use.
Best of luck to you both.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Elk River
Posts: 4
Thanks for all the posts.
I new that they were going to be negative, but maybe this is what I needed to see to move on with mine.
Is there anyone here, that beleives with help with her issues, that she can turn her life around?
M.
I new that they were going to be negative, but maybe this is what I needed to see to move on with mine.
Is there anyone here, that beleives with help with her issues, that she can turn her life around?
M.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by mrniceguy
Thanks for all the posts.
I new that they were going to be negative, but maybe this is what I needed to see to move on with mine.
Is there anyone here, that beleives with help with her issues, that she can turn her life around?
M.
I new that they were going to be negative, but maybe this is what I needed to see to move on with mine.
Is there anyone here, that beleives with help with her issues, that she can turn her life around?
M.
"Is there anyone here, that beleives with help with her issues, that she can turn her life around?"
She needs to be here asking that. YOU on the other hand need to be focused on your own life and STOP being obcessed with hers. You did NOT have a relationship with her, she USED you. Accept that and start taking care of YOURSELF. PLEASE.
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by brigid
I wouldn't hold much hope of her changing and even if she does it will be a long time before she should be in a relationship because she will have a LOT of soul searching and change to do.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Thanks for all the posts.
I new that they were going to be negative, but maybe this is what I needed to see to move on with mine.
I new that they were going to be negative, but maybe this is what I needed to see to move on with mine.
Is there anyone here, that beleives with help with her issues, that she can turn her life around?
M.
M.
That is what I see you trying to do. I could be wrong, but I've never seen it work that way and come out for the good.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
your name says it all
MR. NICE GUY
the only thing is this babe is loco
why get involved?
CALL HER IN ONE YEAR FROM RIGHT NOW
if she's sober
proceed
(1 year no relationships for her)
best
fraankie
MR. NICE GUY
the only thing is this babe is loco
why get involved?
CALL HER IN ONE YEAR FROM RIGHT NOW
if she's sober
proceed
(1 year no relationships for her)
best
fraankie
Last edited by KelKel; 01-11-2006 at 10:27 AM.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
just scanned rsvp's
yeah, i think she should get a lot of support
family, detox, AA
an intervention may help
i am not a Tough Love proponent
but
no help from you
yeah, i think she should get a lot of support
family, detox, AA
an intervention may help
i am not a Tough Love proponent
but
no help from you
Last edited by KelKel; 01-11-2006 at 10:28 AM.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
I can't believe what has happened I can't believe what has happened
I DO!!!!!!!!!!!
does that mean we are married?
LOL
best
fraankie
I DO!!!!!!!!!!!
does that mean we are married?
LOL
best
fraankie
Last edited by fraankie; 01-13-2006 at 09:34 AM. Reason: spelling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Elk River
Posts: 4
Me, how am I doing? I guess ok. Not good, not bad. It's still very frustrating how a person, could even do this.
Some of you have stated, that it seems I'm obsessed with her. Well I don't know if I would go that far. Do I still care for her? Absolutely. Do I think I can change her? ABSOLUTLY NOT. She has to be willing to get help on her own, and until that happens, nothing will change.
But can I trust her? Absolutley not. She swears up and down that I 20 grand coming! I guess time will tell, and I will let you know. Does that make it better? Yes, because she drained my checking account, and I'm flat ass broke! So it shows that she does have a little heart, but how big of a heart, I simple don't know. That's of course if it's true and I get the money. But does it change what she did? No it doesn't.
It's just very frustrating, because I had so hi hopes that she was "the one". And it's turning out differently. I guess you can say things happen for a reason. Well I guess I will have to wait and see if that's true.
I will keep everyone posted.
Thanks again for all of the great posts
Mont.,
Some of you have stated, that it seems I'm obsessed with her. Well I don't know if I would go that far. Do I still care for her? Absolutely. Do I think I can change her? ABSOLUTLY NOT. She has to be willing to get help on her own, and until that happens, nothing will change.
But can I trust her? Absolutley not. She swears up and down that I 20 grand coming! I guess time will tell, and I will let you know. Does that make it better? Yes, because she drained my checking account, and I'm flat ass broke! So it shows that she does have a little heart, but how big of a heart, I simple don't know. That's of course if it's true and I get the money. But does it change what she did? No it doesn't.
It's just very frustrating, because I had so hi hopes that she was "the one". And it's turning out differently. I guess you can say things happen for a reason. Well I guess I will have to wait and see if that's true.
I will keep everyone posted.
Thanks again for all of the great posts
Mont.,
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 1,639
........that I 20 grand coming!......
what is that?
meaning?
......It's just very frustrating, because I had so hi hopes that she was "the one"........
man, you are in a fantasy
wake up
to begin with
she could get 10 years clean
you may not "LOVE" her sober self
i get it now
you are Indiana Jones
the gosh dawn adventure
loving this babe is like being on a tightrope for you
oh, well,
the train is coming head on
but
go faster
thanks for the rsvp
no support here
best
fraankie
what is that?
meaning?
......It's just very frustrating, because I had so hi hopes that she was "the one"........
man, you are in a fantasy
wake up
to begin with
she could get 10 years clean
you may not "LOVE" her sober self
i get it now
you are Indiana Jones
the gosh dawn adventure
loving this babe is like being on a tightrope for you
oh, well,
the train is coming head on
but
go faster
thanks for the rsvp
no support here
best
fraankie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Elk River
Posts: 4
Fraanke........ I apprectiate all you input...... How am I in fantacy land? Is it wrong to say I was hoping for so much more...... DUH...... I found out her true colors... It just caught me off gaurd, that is all. How was I suppose to know that she was going to drain my account????? The meaning that didn't make sense was she drained my checking account, totally 20 grand. Sorry the the typo.
Thanks for your RSVP! lol good one
Thanks for your RSVP! lol good one
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
You have 20 grand coming? I wonder who she is going to steal that from? Sorry, but I think if she had access to 20 grand she probably wouldn't be stealing it from you. Tough situation for you. You must feel extremely betrayed. The only thing you could do is move on. Or, press charges and move on.
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