is there hope after years of addiction
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is there hope after years of addiction
Is there anyone out there who has a family member in their 30's who has been addicted to street drugs (pot, coke, crack, heroin, pills etc)& alcohol his entire adult life and is protected by his elderly parents to the point where he no longer has to work inside or outside of their house? They are angry with the other siblings for bringing this to light. How the family has dealt with his addiction in the past is to not talk about it. He does not commit to therapy for his depression and addiction. I don't think he even realizes he is an alcoholic and addict. He does not understand that we can see how his addiction has aged him to the point he looks like a homeless person and we are so fed up with his helplessnes we can no longer find it in our hearts to baby him (give him money,build up his ego etc). I think he is a lucky addict in that he gets free food, shelter, clothing, cash for the drugs/alcohol so that he does not have to resort to crime to support his habits from his parents. He has no shame for the terrible example he has set for the other family members. Is it impossible for good parents to admit their adult child has a problem that is bigger than their love for them can solve?
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Join Date: Aug 2001
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Wow Concerned.
You just described the addict in my life. And his family. Do I know you?
It IS possible for his parents to admit this... but Dino's haven't. His recent strides in recovery were no thanks to anything his family did. (Except for the hostility of his siblings... which I think was part of the motivating factor.) They enabled him to the point where they lost their HOUSE. Still they will not accept the fact that they have been financing his drug habit.
Please consider going to alanon or naranon to help yourself get some perspective on this problem. THEN, take your folks with you. When they start hearing other stories that are identical to theirs, it may open their eyes.
Smoke
You just described the addict in my life. And his family. Do I know you?
It IS possible for his parents to admit this... but Dino's haven't. His recent strides in recovery were no thanks to anything his family did. (Except for the hostility of his siblings... which I think was part of the motivating factor.) They enabled him to the point where they lost their HOUSE. Still they will not accept the fact that they have been financing his drug habit.
Please consider going to alanon or naranon to help yourself get some perspective on this problem. THEN, take your folks with you. When they start hearing other stories that are identical to theirs, it may open their eyes.
Smoke
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Hi Cocernered freind,Believe it or not you just described a few dudes that I know.All their lives they never had a "real" job.This one dude I know is 44-45 and besides mowing his mommies lawn of shoveling dear ol DaDs car out of the snow,does absolutly squat all year besides get high.He's shooting dope and always has money to hang around the bar and solve world problems all day.I feel sorry for the people that we are speaking of.Never had a relationship,freinds are just runners and wouldn't know how to keep a checkbook if their lives depended on it.MoM and PoP won't be here forever.These people got to wake up and smell the coffee before reality kills them......Marty
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Yes, there is most definately help for long term addicts. I personally know many people who were street addicts for up to forty years and have found recovery through many different paths. NA is of course the major modality, however, until the enabling stops, the chances are next to none. I just want to offer some experience, stregth, and hope. Remember, where there is life there is hope, and our higher powers, whatever that may be is watching over children, drunks, and ADDICTS. Yours in recovery as well as life.
MIKE
MIKE
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Dear Concerned;
He is an Addict. "Addiction" is a disease. He has to want to get help, and change. If he has NO desire to quit his lifestyle, it's useless. I think, IMHO - that at this point, getting him to a "Methadone Maintenance Program" would offer him a way to slowly detox off of the substances he abuses, and begin a normal lifestyle. This is just a suggestion.
RaZzLe
He is an Addict. "Addiction" is a disease. He has to want to get help, and change. If he has NO desire to quit his lifestyle, it's useless. I think, IMHO - that at this point, getting him to a "Methadone Maintenance Program" would offer him a way to slowly detox off of the substances he abuses, and begin a normal lifestyle. This is just a suggestion.
RaZzLe
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Colorado
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just a warning about Meth maintenance - if he really doesn't want to stop using - meth is unlikely to be the answer - because they can continue to use on meth and still get high.....my ex and several of his friends tried that approach....i have known many who have gone to meth without the desire to stop and all that happens is that they have to then kick both and that is a HORRIBLE thing to watch....the end result of my ex's try was that even at 80mg of meth he was still shooting 10 + bags a day because he wanted to get high and he was STILL SICK as a dog even on the meth.....when he tried to withdraw from both at a detox, he almost died-he tried to kill himself in detox because coming off both drugs was so severe.....
I know this is a sensitive subject for some and it does works for some, but again the willingness to want to quit has to be there, otherwise they just get themselves in deeper...
Ogly
I know this is a sensitive subject for some and it does works for some, but again the willingness to want to quit has to be there, otherwise they just get themselves in deeper...
Ogly
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Judging by the responses here I can see that there is no hope for aged parents to admit that their 37 year old son has a problem and they have been enabling him for years. I was needing to hear of actual case studies where parents gave the addict an ultimatium. Get a job and get somewhat clean & help around the house or live in the car we bought you. Too bad it's not PC for society to shame and shun these mama's boys instead of coddling them. (Don't daughter addicts eventually get thrown out?). Cancer patients on chemo get less sympathy and attention than these long term drug addicts-who by the way caused their own "disease" by re-programing their brains. In the meantime I can now continue to find sympathy for my parents as they are doing what comes natural to them (even thou they enabling him)and in their old age they do not have the physical and mental strength to nurse and cheerlead a grown addict into a productive citizen.
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Join Date: Aug 2001
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HI Sibling...
Please come and visit the naranon page. You do not have to go on believing there is no hope for your parents. We have a number of parents who post regularly who have done the things you want your parents to do. It's been tough on all of them... but they get through it with the support of others who have done the same thing. I want to reiterate my ealier suggestion. Go to a naranon or alanon meeting or get some of the literature. Share it with your parents. They will benefit from hearing stories from people who were JUST LIKE THEM.
Smoke
Please come and visit the naranon page. You do not have to go on believing there is no hope for your parents. We have a number of parents who post regularly who have done the things you want your parents to do. It's been tough on all of them... but they get through it with the support of others who have done the same thing. I want to reiterate my ealier suggestion. Go to a naranon or alanon meeting or get some of the literature. Share it with your parents. They will benefit from hearing stories from people who were JUST LIKE THEM.
Smoke
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Why do I have to go to meetings about drug abuse when I don't live with or near my brother. I only see him the 2-3 times I come to town each year and he rarely spends any time with me. I really can't say I spend my time worrying about his self-inflicted wounds. If and when he cleans up his lifestyle we can start a new relationship. Until then I have cut him out of my life. It's really not been hard because he is always involved with himself and his drug friends. My silence in the past only validaded his lifestyle and did not help him. Actually I feel liberated! To be honest I have no drug addicts or alcoholics in my life. My life is peaceful. My concern was for my parents as they are frail in health. He is a drama queen and takes full advantage of them. My sister recently reported him to Social Services for elderly abuse. I don't know the outcome as my parents won't talk to me and my sister at this time.
I think they will cool down soon and realize that they need their daughters (one is a local RN) love and support, especially during their medical emergencies. My brother has no patience and mental stability. (This is a man who has never had to balance a checkbook, buy a car, own a credit card, have a landlord, have a girlfriend, work a computer, plan a vacation, visit family, hold a job that's beyond assemblyline labor...you get the picture). I hope my mom can attend a local meeting and get some knowledge on addiction but I don't have faith she has the mental or physicial strength (since her recent stroke) to commit. She blew off her own outpatient therapy after the stroke; although her recovery has been excellent.
I think they will cool down soon and realize that they need their daughters (one is a local RN) love and support, especially during their medical emergencies. My brother has no patience and mental stability. (This is a man who has never had to balance a checkbook, buy a car, own a credit card, have a landlord, have a girlfriend, work a computer, plan a vacation, visit family, hold a job that's beyond assemblyline labor...you get the picture). I hope my mom can attend a local meeting and get some knowledge on addiction but I don't have faith she has the mental or physicial strength (since her recent stroke) to commit. She blew off her own outpatient therapy after the stroke; although her recovery has been excellent.
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Colorado
Posts: 161
The only reason we have suggested meeting for both you and your parents is that addiction affects everyone in the family.... it has affected you because you don't speak to him anymore and i can hear the anger in your posts..... You state you have found peace - but i personally believe that is just a layer covering your true feelings..... it seems that you are fighting against something - just as much as your brother is fighting his battle of his addictions....
If your parents do not have the stamina to make the meeting, maybe if you do go - you will be able to help them understand and cope with what is happening and be of even more support to them.... There is hope for addicts of all ages.... I have friend who was a heroin addict till the age of 45 and is celbrating 3 years clean in 2 months... it can be done.....
these are only my opinions - buti know that the rooms, these incredibly supportive friends i have here on these boards and live had made all the difference in the world when dealing with my addict...I hope they may do the same for you and your parents....
Ogly...
If your parents do not have the stamina to make the meeting, maybe if you do go - you will be able to help them understand and cope with what is happening and be of even more support to them.... There is hope for addicts of all ages.... I have friend who was a heroin addict till the age of 45 and is celbrating 3 years clean in 2 months... it can be done.....
these are only my opinions - buti know that the rooms, these incredibly supportive friends i have here on these boards and live had made all the difference in the world when dealing with my addict...I hope they may do the same for you and your parents....
Ogly...
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Well my story has an ending (though not a happy one) so I probably won't be writing anymore. Yesterday my brother overdosed and died in his car - alone in the dark in a public parking lot. Anybody who continues to take drugs after reading this is a damn fool. Now we have to pick up the pieces. Yes he is free of his pain and for that I am glad but he hurt those he left behind. It didn't have to play out this way. He could have tried medical help. I don't know if the family alone could have saved him if we all worked at it full-time? I guess we will never know now. May God have mercy and bless his soul.
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Concerned,
I am very sorry to hear about the outcome for your brother. I wish I had something profound to say to ease your pain. Your brother is now out of his pain, but unfortunately your family is not, and has to deal with the emotional aftermath from such a tragedy.
It wouldn't hurt to keep posting here and to try some meetings, since reaching out to others can be beneficial. Talking about it can also help. We care about you, and I am sending out hugs and prayer for you and your family.
Juls
I am very sorry to hear about the outcome for your brother. I wish I had something profound to say to ease your pain. Your brother is now out of his pain, but unfortunately your family is not, and has to deal with the emotional aftermath from such a tragedy.
It wouldn't hurt to keep posting here and to try some meetings, since reaching out to others can be beneficial. Talking about it can also help. We care about you, and I am sending out hugs and prayer for you and your family.
Juls
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Colorado
Posts: 161
Oh Concerend......
i am SO, SO sorry for your loss.....I know nothing I can say will put a dent in the pain - but please know there are a lot of people on this board who have you and your family in their prayers tonight....
Love
Ogly
i am SO, SO sorry for your loss.....I know nothing I can say will put a dent in the pain - but please know there are a lot of people on this board who have you and your family in their prayers tonight....
Love
Ogly
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: San Jacinto, California
Posts: 71
Dear Concerned,
Your brother didn't haven't a choice.
I am sure your parent's care as much for you as they did him. You have been strong and they probably took great solace in your strength. They silently loved and admired you. The ill always get more attention.
My prayer for you and your family is that you may receive that peace beyond all understanding. You might still go to Alanon. There are feelings that you may need to address. His illness had nothing to do with you or your parents.
My love, Pickle
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Your brother didn't haven't a choice.
I am sure your parent's care as much for you as they did him. You have been strong and they probably took great solace in your strength. They silently loved and admired you. The ill always get more attention.
My prayer for you and your family is that you may receive that peace beyond all understanding. You might still go to Alanon. There are feelings that you may need to address. His illness had nothing to do with you or your parents.
My love, Pickle
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