somebodysfool

R is my husband. I may have introduced him before. Mostly I just refer to him as my H or AH or husband. Anyway, he hasn't been home since the arrest. Court was postponed for 2 more months. His lawyer tells him now is the time to prove himself. But he has done nothing except to look a couple rehabs up, look up where there are AA meetings. But hasn't gone anywhere. Don't scold me I know his recovery is his recovery and he needs to do his work. I need to keep my hands off. I am, really. It is just aggravating. I know he is scared, I know he is not ready. It's funny. Because I know I haven't been ready to actually do something about my life, really do something until 3 weeks ago. Then bam the incident of his rage and now he thinks he is not home because of the battery charge. He forgets that he was going just the day before. So he thinks things suck because he sat in jail overnight and he was in bond court with other guys that he never thought he'd be compared too and he had an epiphany. But the fleeting thought fled. Because he is not doing anything. So when I continue with what I have to do I struggle with the guilt that I chose to write him off. But I know I can't go back to the way we were living. Again the disease is so fascinating, he doesn't have a clue. He manipulates but has no idea he is doing it. He and I are so trained to screw each other up. Just tell me to keep my focus, keep my hope, keep praying that I will change and grow. (him, too)

J

elizabeth1979

"Guys they never thoght they would be compared to."

Yeah, thats part of what baffles me. I too heard SO many times, "Im not like them" or "I dont belong in jail"
Maybe they do, maybe they dont. I personally think thats just the quacking of an active non recovering alcoholic.
I bet a recovering alcholic would be able to see it was their actions that put them in that scenario!

As for you being trained to screw him up...hmmm maybe its just that you need to retrain your brain to prioritize you and your needs in front of him and his needs?