Cadence57

Hi Gang

I don't know what it is... I'm ... afraid... to quit... go figure!
I went shopping with my boss (who has breast cancer and has been on me, like white on rice, to quit) and there it was... The Patch ON SALE... mocking me from the safety of an enclosed cabinet... My boss looked at me and said, "Hmm... it's on sale... You should get some" That's when my heart started racing and my mind began spinning like a hamster on a wheel... I KNOW I should get it, I want to get it but... but.... but.... I am scared!!!

I know how bad it is for me... I really do. I HATE smoking. I HATE not being able to sing along with my favorite songs, I HATE being winded after moderate exercise, I HATE how I smell, I hate how my home and my car smell and.... eeeeew, my clothes and hair... and... It's gross, I know it is.

I've been trying the online dating thing and find myself to be a social outcast, a pariah, because I smoke... And... I don't even want to TALK about the money I'm burning (literally)...

What am I afraid of???

historyteach

Cadence,
I'm hearing you completely!
I had a plan to quit on the Great American Smokeout. Well, lots of stuff happened, lots of stress, and I didn't. But, I DO understand that fear. What will I do with my stress? How will I get by without a ciggie to calm me down?
As for the patch, I went online and got 4 boxes much cheaper than any store I've seen. Just google it; that's how I found it.
And call the 1-800-Try To Quit number. I got a bunch of information from them and the cancer society. Now, I just have to read it! :
Good luck to you...

Shalom!

best

Maybe the same thing I was afraid of.... getting healthy and feeling I don't deserve it.

It is so much easier to do nothing and die.

The patch does work and we are worth it.
I think the number one reason to stop is the hardest reason to accept and act on. Stop for ourself...BECAUSE we ARE worth it.

historyteach

Best,
You just echoed what my doctor said.
He said that, just like my son's addiction to heroin is based in feelings of worthlessness, so too is my addiction to cigarettes. Now, I've known that my self esteem is not the greatest, but, I've never thought of myself as worthless - well, except when I first learn my son was an addict, and before I found recovery. So, anyway, he kind of shocked me when he said that, and now you're saying basically the same thing.

Shalom!

best

Just sharing what I found in me.

Deb,

You are worth it. *HUG*

Cadence57

Thanks Teach,
Oddly enough... smoking does not "calm (us) down" - it constricts your blood vessels, which increases your heart rate, and raises your blood pressure (THAT is stress!)... but the thought of NOT smoking does the same thing to me!!

I found the patch at Genuardi's for $15 - that's a GREAT price but... but... but... I'm starting back on Wellbutrin (Zyban) -- again.. I tried it before but had a five day headache so I stopped. I'm giving it another chance and if the headache comes back, I'll opt for the patch.

Good luck to you

Cadence57

I always heard that smoking was a form of self mutilation - and I believe it! I was abused as a child and self mutilated back then -- I guess I found a "more acceptable" way of hurting myself when I started smoking... Hmmm

Cadence57

Yes, I agree... but I'm still afraid... or maybe "anxious" is a better word... I just know I get all knotted up inside when I think about not smoking, not having my constant companion (the nicodemon) by my side...

historyteach

Thank you, Best...

Cadence, anxiety is something I'm all too familiar with right now.
But, with the time off of work now, perhaps this will be a good time to give it the old college try. I'll talk to my counselor Monday about this. They say that you shouldn't try during times that you know are stressful. hmmmm.... Are there ANY times that are not stressful for the mother of an addict?

Good luck to you, Cadence...

Shalom!