marriedtoit

Aargh!!! During a phone call with my (recovering) A sister, she told me that my husband asked her for sex many, many, many years ago. I was really upset about this news because my husband (also a recovering A) cheated on me before we were married. Of course, I confronted him with this information and he denied it. After having time to think about my sister's comments, I realized what she told me didn't actually make sense (time, people, places, etc.) and my sister also has a tendency to see things in ways other people don't. For example, there are six kids in our family and she's the only one who sees her childhood in a negative light. She also accused some other people of making sexual advances towards her that I believe to be false. And even though she's married, she has made comments to me that she's upset none of the guys have hit on her at her AA meetings. So needless to say, I truly believe my husband here.

The problem is that I have Thanksgiving for my entire family (38 people) at my home every year. My husband refuses to allow my sister into our home. I understand that he's angry with her but I asked him to try and be the bigger person here, consider the source, and move on. He is refusing to budge. This is causing HUGE drama in my family. My parents want the entire family together for the holiday and everybody's getting upset and I'm stuck in the middle.

Dealing with one A is difficult enough but dealing with two at the same time is enough to drive me crazy. Does anyone have any advice on how I should handle this situation?

ASpouse

I say your sister has to pay the consequences for her actions. I'd stick with your husband on this one and if people don't show up because of your sister, then so be it.

Do what you always do. Perhaps this is the lesson your sister needs and why in Gods name would she bring this up now? To hurt you? To hurt your husband? What she's done is hurtful and she has caused this rift, not your husband and his wishes should be respected, after all it is his home.

Jazzman

I'd be pissed at your sister If I were you. I'm w/ Judy.. why in the world would she bring that crap up?

TexasGirl

I'm not good at these situations, but I have been listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger recently, and I know she would say the same thing Judy said -- stick by your husband, as he didn't commit the wrong here. I know that would be tough to do, but I'm just telling you what I think she would say.

ASpouse

I have to tell you it makes me feel a tad uncomfortable for someone to actually agree with my feelings!

JessicaNAJ

My mom told me she wouldn't come to my kids b-day party because my dad was going to be there. You know what I did....I had their party anyway. It wasn't about her, it was about my kids. Guess what else happened? Yep, she showed up and had a good time.

BigSis

Married... your husband will stand by you at Thanskgiving, and he is the one who will be with you for the rest of your life.

Have your party, set your boundaries and enjoy the company of those broad-minded souls who choose to share it with you.

You can do this. I wish you well....

reader

I have come to the conclusion that you have to question what an alcoholic says. Stay the course with Thanksgiving, it seems to me that she has some motive. Kerry

Cap3

Today i dont allow others to put me in da middle.If hub doesnt want someone over,and i do,i tell the truth.And hub,has to take responsibility for his thoughts and actions.not me.And hub knows that i will tell the truth,.Example,i would luv to have you over,but before you come make sure to talk personally with hub...And my hubby knows before-hand what my actions will be.I tell him.To many times,he made decisions,and wanted...me..to carry them out .And i did..Now tell me,who is the sick one between the 2 of us..lol...And it was i who recieved all the negitive feed back....hmmmm.not today,i learned..This puts me in da middle.I dont go there today.Today each of us are respobnsible for our thoughts,decisions,actions.I today put the problems where they belong.What do i own,and what does he own.He owns his decisions,not me,therefore,he must be the one to carry them out.At first doing this,he went wild,,lol.He didnt like the truth,but i held firm.We teach others how to treat us,by behaviour,which takes time.And ya know,by doing this,he,s not as demanding,as he use to be.For he knows that i wont play any part,in his decisions,when it involves others.He cant hide behind me,with his decisions,anymore..That he alone takes responsibility,..it works,for us!!!!!...smile

gelfling

My thought on this was that your sister obviously isn't working a very good program if she is working one at all. Someone who is serious isn't going to hurt their sibling and cause conflict. Things of the past are just that. If it's true...which I have no doubts.

Like everyone said, don't let one person destroy your life because they're probably miserable...misery loves company. And I truly doubt that your family would abandon ship on you for the holiday. It's been a tradition for years. That means a lot to folks.

Enjoy your feast.