New to board
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
New to board
Hello Everyone, I am new to this board. I have been silently reading the posts that are here and they have been a big help to me. I am beginning to get my head a little bit clearer ... it is strange to see myself in so many of the thoughts that have been posted here.
I have been married to an *A* for 7 years now. In the beginning I did not know he had a problem with drinking. What I did not know was that when I met him he was going through a period of soberiety following a divorce and possibly of having bottomed out so to speak.
I thought he was wonderful ... so caring and honest ... little did I know just how much he was hiding from me. It wasn't long until he begin to *get sick* ... I feel so stupid for thinking that he was sick ... I had never had an contact with someone who had a drinking problem so I had no conception of the whole thing. I would baby him and take care of him ... all the while completly ignorant of the real problem.
I found out about his drinking problem about 2 years into the marriage. We have been through many ups and downs with him promising to quit drinking and attend AA, see thereapists or do anything to keep the marriage together. In the past he will start these programs and continue them with good results for awhile then he will fall off the wagon and we will be right back where we were before he quit.
We have been through another cycle of this ... except that all this has finally taken a toll on me emotionally. I have been so depressed and upset that I think I bottomed out. I took a big step and told my family doctor about my husbands problem ... he was very kind and supportative of me. He helped me to find a therapist for myself and I have been going for awhile now. I have been on anti-depressant medication and anti-anxiety medication for months now but I feel strong enough to start coming off of them. I know now that his problem is independant of me. I have to be able to survive on my own. I have to be happy with me.
I am now working very hard ... trying to pull myself out of a finiancial mess that is the result of his drinking and of my own numbness to life ... for awhile it was like I tuned out of life?
Does that make sense? I just let go of things ... and while this was going on everything seemed to lose control.
I have been married to an *A* for 7 years now. In the beginning I did not know he had a problem with drinking. What I did not know was that when I met him he was going through a period of soberiety following a divorce and possibly of having bottomed out so to speak.
I thought he was wonderful ... so caring and honest ... little did I know just how much he was hiding from me. It wasn't long until he begin to *get sick* ... I feel so stupid for thinking that he was sick ... I had never had an contact with someone who had a drinking problem so I had no conception of the whole thing. I would baby him and take care of him ... all the while completly ignorant of the real problem.
I found out about his drinking problem about 2 years into the marriage. We have been through many ups and downs with him promising to quit drinking and attend AA, see thereapists or do anything to keep the marriage together. In the past he will start these programs and continue them with good results for awhile then he will fall off the wagon and we will be right back where we were before he quit.
We have been through another cycle of this ... except that all this has finally taken a toll on me emotionally. I have been so depressed and upset that I think I bottomed out. I took a big step and told my family doctor about my husbands problem ... he was very kind and supportative of me. He helped me to find a therapist for myself and I have been going for awhile now. I have been on anti-depressant medication and anti-anxiety medication for months now but I feel strong enough to start coming off of them. I know now that his problem is independant of me. I have to be able to survive on my own. I have to be happy with me.
I am now working very hard ... trying to pull myself out of a finiancial mess that is the result of his drinking and of my own numbness to life ... for awhile it was like I tuned out of life?
Does that make sense? I just let go of things ... and while this was going on everything seemed to lose control.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Sealy,
Welcome to the recovery forum! Congratulations on taking steps to get yourself back in tune. It's not uncommon to retreat from things when the chaos is overwhelming. Tuning out of other people's problems is one thing (and a good thing), but tuning out of your own life and feelings is something else. I understand what you mean because I did it myself.
Have you attended (or thought about attending) alanon meetings, or reading some 12 step literature? It's not the only way to get back on track, but it works for a lot of people.
I'm glad you've decided to join our little family here. Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
Welcome to the recovery forum! Congratulations on taking steps to get yourself back in tune. It's not uncommon to retreat from things when the chaos is overwhelming. Tuning out of other people's problems is one thing (and a good thing), but tuning out of your own life and feelings is something else. I understand what you mean because I did it myself.
Have you attended (or thought about attending) alanon meetings, or reading some 12 step literature? It's not the only way to get back on track, but it works for a lot of people.
I'm glad you've decided to join our little family here. Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hi Sealy,
I add my welcome to you. You've come to a good place here where you will receive lots of experience, strength and hope. I did like you...I read the posts here for a while before I ever posted.
Sealy I don't think you are at all abnormal with your 'going numb' to life. I think lots of us do that as a way of self preservation or survival. Sometimes we just don't have what it takes to attack or face the problem that we really know is there.
You've done a good thing by voicing that there IS a problem and doing something about it. Sure we wish we could take the anti-depressants and it all go away instantly, but it just doesn't work like that. Boy, I wish it did.
I agree with Smokes. Al Anon meetings and 12 step info helped me and IS helping me. And I read this board constantly. I've gained lots of knowledge and strength here from those who have much more wisdom than I do about all this alcoholism stuff.
Hang in there, Sealy. There is help in a local Al Anon group and here as well. If you want to find out about local Al Anon groups, either look in your phone book or call 1-888-4Al Anon. Tell them what city and they will give you days and times.
Keep us posted as to how you are doing. We are all in this together.
Hugs!
I add my welcome to you. You've come to a good place here where you will receive lots of experience, strength and hope. I did like you...I read the posts here for a while before I ever posted.
Sealy I don't think you are at all abnormal with your 'going numb' to life. I think lots of us do that as a way of self preservation or survival. Sometimes we just don't have what it takes to attack or face the problem that we really know is there.
You've done a good thing by voicing that there IS a problem and doing something about it. Sure we wish we could take the anti-depressants and it all go away instantly, but it just doesn't work like that. Boy, I wish it did.
I agree with Smokes. Al Anon meetings and 12 step info helped me and IS helping me. And I read this board constantly. I've gained lots of knowledge and strength here from those who have much more wisdom than I do about all this alcoholism stuff.
Hang in there, Sealy. There is help in a local Al Anon group and here as well. If you want to find out about local Al Anon groups, either look in your phone book or call 1-888-4Al Anon. Tell them what city and they will give you days and times.
Keep us posted as to how you are doing. We are all in this together.
Hugs!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Thanks so much for your thoughtful and caring replies. I do appreciate your support.
I am considering going to a Al-ANON meeting but one big problem is that I have to work all the time.
I work from 9:30 in the evening until 9:30 in the morning usually 6 to 7 days a week. Most of the time that I am off work I spend sleeping or trying to catch up my chores around the house.
I think there is one meeting here in town on Thursday night at around 7:00 so perhaps I could catch it. Living in such a small rural town limits the number of meetings that are available to me.
I had heard or maybe I read somewhere that there are some online meetings ... does anyone have any experience with these types of meetings?
Would you consider them to be a viable alternative to the *real life* ... *face to face* meetings?
It has taken me a long time to get to the point that I am able to admit to other people that my husband has a drinking problem.
Most of our married life I have lied, made excuses, covered up, did everything within my power to keep other people from knowing. I still feel ashamed or somehow that his problem is a sign of my own failure.
I feel like to give up on the marriage and walk away would hurt him ... it is hard for me to get away from caring more about his well-being than I do my own. I know I have a long way to go until I have fought my way out of this mess that is my life but at least I am able to come up for a breath of fresh air nowadays ... if I can keep my head above water maybe I will make it.
I am considering going to a Al-ANON meeting but one big problem is that I have to work all the time.
I work from 9:30 in the evening until 9:30 in the morning usually 6 to 7 days a week. Most of the time that I am off work I spend sleeping or trying to catch up my chores around the house.
I think there is one meeting here in town on Thursday night at around 7:00 so perhaps I could catch it. Living in such a small rural town limits the number of meetings that are available to me.
I had heard or maybe I read somewhere that there are some online meetings ... does anyone have any experience with these types of meetings?
Would you consider them to be a viable alternative to the *real life* ... *face to face* meetings?
It has taken me a long time to get to the point that I am able to admit to other people that my husband has a drinking problem.
Most of our married life I have lied, made excuses, covered up, did everything within my power to keep other people from knowing. I still feel ashamed or somehow that his problem is a sign of my own failure.
I feel like to give up on the marriage and walk away would hurt him ... it is hard for me to get away from caring more about his well-being than I do my own. I know I have a long way to go until I have fought my way out of this mess that is my life but at least I am able to come up for a breath of fresh air nowadays ... if I can keep my head above water maybe I will make it.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sealy,
I am your neighbor in Georgia, living in a small south Georgia town nearer the coast. I understand exactly what you are talking about, with meetings being limited. And I also understand about feeling responsible for HIS problem and the hesistancy about going to meetings, being embarrassed. Trust me, Sealy, I have been where you are. And I'm not that much ahead of you in all this recovery process, so I don't claim to have lots of wisdom. But understanding of where you are and identifying with how you are feeling, oh yes...I know.
I know it will be hard, because it was hard for me, but try to go to the local Al Anon meeting. You'll be so surprised and want to kick yourself for not going sooner. The people in there are just like you, Sealy, or have been where you are. They may be 'farther down the road' than you, but they are the very people who understand and can share their stories along with their experience.
I KNOW how it feels to live in a small south Ga town! I know how it feels to be SCARED TO DEATH to walk in that Al Anon meeting, fearing you're going to see someone you know. I was there just a few weeks ago, Sealy. But I'm telling you that when I finally did break down and got enough guts to go, I felt very welcomed. It wasn't a big group, in fact, only 3 ladies. But oh, the wisdom and encouragement I received from these ladies in just ONE meeting.
Sealy, your husband's alcoholism has NOTHING to do with you. Al Anon teaches you can't cause, can't cure, can't control his drinking.
You're doing good Sealy by reaching out. You really are and you WILL make it. Heck, I can't tell you it isn't going to be a rollercoaster ride, but you.....WE.....can and will make it.
I say leave your dishes dirty or the bed unmade on Thursday and spend that time at the meeting. I think you'll feel better for it.
Hugs. Let me know how you are. We're all in this with you.
I am your neighbor in Georgia, living in a small south Georgia town nearer the coast. I understand exactly what you are talking about, with meetings being limited. And I also understand about feeling responsible for HIS problem and the hesistancy about going to meetings, being embarrassed. Trust me, Sealy, I have been where you are. And I'm not that much ahead of you in all this recovery process, so I don't claim to have lots of wisdom. But understanding of where you are and identifying with how you are feeling, oh yes...I know.
I know it will be hard, because it was hard for me, but try to go to the local Al Anon meeting. You'll be so surprised and want to kick yourself for not going sooner. The people in there are just like you, Sealy, or have been where you are. They may be 'farther down the road' than you, but they are the very people who understand and can share their stories along with their experience.
I KNOW how it feels to live in a small south Ga town! I know how it feels to be SCARED TO DEATH to walk in that Al Anon meeting, fearing you're going to see someone you know. I was there just a few weeks ago, Sealy. But I'm telling you that when I finally did break down and got enough guts to go, I felt very welcomed. It wasn't a big group, in fact, only 3 ladies. But oh, the wisdom and encouragement I received from these ladies in just ONE meeting.
Sealy, your husband's alcoholism has NOTHING to do with you. Al Anon teaches you can't cause, can't cure, can't control his drinking.
You're doing good Sealy by reaching out. You really are and you WILL make it. Heck, I can't tell you it isn't going to be a rollercoaster ride, but you.....WE.....can and will make it.
I say leave your dishes dirty or the bed unmade on Thursday and spend that time at the meeting. I think you'll feel better for it.
Hugs. Let me know how you are. We're all in this with you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Sealy,
It's the best of both worlds! There are lots of people here, it's a big community!
I think the in person meetings are very important too. There were only 3 of us at the meeting I went to last night. And guess what! no need to be embarassed there! In fact we laughed our heads off about stuff that would make the "reg" folks mouth drop open speechless.
hugs,
live
It's the best of both worlds! There are lots of people here, it's a big community!
I think the in person meetings are very important too. There were only 3 of us at the meeting I went to last night. And guess what! no need to be embarassed there! In fact we laughed our heads off about stuff that would make the "reg" folks mouth drop open speechless.
hugs,
live
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.gif)
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Altoona, PA
Posts: 70
WELCOME, SEALY!!
I'm extending my welcomes too, Sealy---and wanted to tell you that you have taken some important first steps. The ladies before me have said much of what I would have said to you, so I won't bore you with repetition. I will say that ANY Alanon meeting you would go to is filled with people (even as few as 3) with individuals who respect anonymity. If you have access to a book with the 12 Traditions of AA or Alanon, you will find this to be an important part of the recovery process. Please don't be afraid to go to a meeting when you can fit it into your schedule (all of us understand busy lives!!)----but, for your sake, try to find the time. I, too, let dishes sitting in the sink and the vacuum propped in the corner to attend these face-to-face meetings. These boards are filled with the most wonderful people who give each other such love and support---but there is something to be said for attending a meeting. You owe it to yourself to give it a try, Sealy. It's time to take care of "you", and pray that your hubby takes care of himself. And, believe me---we're all guilty of the enabling thing. Chances are, there isn't ONE of us here that doesn't want to kick our own butt for doing, doing, doing for the alcoholic/addict!! After all, most of us are women----and isn't that what we are notorious for??? LOL Anyway, Sealy---you've come to the right place. Be proud that you woke up----and don't forget to keep coming back!!! Love to you----LACEEJOE
Last edited by Laceejoe; 12-14-2002 at 05:47 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Thanks Hanging In, and Live, yes it is a small world but that is a good thing or at least I think so.
You kind of hit the nail on the head about walking into the meeting and seeing someone that I know but I have even obsessed further than that .. thinking of parking next door so that no one would see my car parked at the building ... that is pretty pitiful isn't it.
Partly this stems from my husband telling me at one time that he did not want me to go to the meetings here in town because then the people here would know that he has a drinking problem. I did not tell him but I am sure that people already know he has a problem ... since he could be seen on occasion staggering around out in the yard in his boxer shorts ... not to mention the time he turned the lawn mower upside down in the front yard ... he has really embrassed me many many times with his behavior.
Mostly it makes me angry for not being honest with me. When we met I was so honest with him ... telling him all about my family and how disfunctional we are and every little thing thinking that if we were going to have any future we should be honest with each other .. boy was I ever wrong as he did not say a word about his addiction ... and I know I still hold this against him today. But when I look at the situation objectively all the signs were there I was just to blind to see them and if I am honest I have to say that I am not sure it would have made a difference due to the fact that I would have had no conception as to what it was going to like to live with his addiction and resulting behavior. I think I might have thought that I could *save him from himself* or be just what he needed to help him to quit. I get so tired of sitting around the house and being quiet .. not saying anything because it will disturb him ... even now that he is in a non-drinking phase it is the same ... surly and unfriendly most of the time unless of course you are doing exactly what he wants to do in exactly the way he wants it done. Well I guess that is enough ranting and raving for now ... thanks for listening.
You kind of hit the nail on the head about walking into the meeting and seeing someone that I know but I have even obsessed further than that .. thinking of parking next door so that no one would see my car parked at the building ... that is pretty pitiful isn't it.
Partly this stems from my husband telling me at one time that he did not want me to go to the meetings here in town because then the people here would know that he has a drinking problem. I did not tell him but I am sure that people already know he has a problem ... since he could be seen on occasion staggering around out in the yard in his boxer shorts ... not to mention the time he turned the lawn mower upside down in the front yard ... he has really embrassed me many many times with his behavior.
Mostly it makes me angry for not being honest with me. When we met I was so honest with him ... telling him all about my family and how disfunctional we are and every little thing thinking that if we were going to have any future we should be honest with each other .. boy was I ever wrong as he did not say a word about his addiction ... and I know I still hold this against him today. But when I look at the situation objectively all the signs were there I was just to blind to see them and if I am honest I have to say that I am not sure it would have made a difference due to the fact that I would have had no conception as to what it was going to like to live with his addiction and resulting behavior. I think I might have thought that I could *save him from himself* or be just what he needed to help him to quit. I get so tired of sitting around the house and being quiet .. not saying anything because it will disturb him ... even now that he is in a non-drinking phase it is the same ... surly and unfriendly most of the time unless of course you are doing exactly what he wants to do in exactly the way he wants it done. Well I guess that is enough ranting and raving for now ... thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: ca
Posts: 15
Hey sealy,
Boy did I relate to your story. I, too, have been married to an A for 7 years and didn't have a clue up until about 2 years ago. I had never experienced alcoholism in any way, shape or form so was very nieve to it all. I have been embarrassed so many times I can't count, hid it from my friends and family, and stupidly believed him every time he said it was under control. Just as everyone here says, the AlAnon meetings do help. I was just going crazy keeping it all inside, no one to talk to, just feeling pretty lost until I went to some meetings. The first time I went a woman came over to hug me and I just broke down. Since then however I've really started to shift the focus onto me and not him. I don't spend 24 hours a day worrying about him and I finally sleep at night. I quit telling him he better not drink and started setting boundaries for myself, the things I will tolerate and what I won't. It's very, very hard but you can get through it. I'm currently in the process of making some major life decisions. Just praying constantly and knowing that my HP will guide me to where I need to be. Take good care of yourself.
Boy did I relate to your story. I, too, have been married to an A for 7 years and didn't have a clue up until about 2 years ago. I had never experienced alcoholism in any way, shape or form so was very nieve to it all. I have been embarrassed so many times I can't count, hid it from my friends and family, and stupidly believed him every time he said it was under control. Just as everyone here says, the AlAnon meetings do help. I was just going crazy keeping it all inside, no one to talk to, just feeling pretty lost until I went to some meetings. The first time I went a woman came over to hug me and I just broke down. Since then however I've really started to shift the focus onto me and not him. I don't spend 24 hours a day worrying about him and I finally sleep at night. I quit telling him he better not drink and started setting boundaries for myself, the things I will tolerate and what I won't. It's very, very hard but you can get through it. I'm currently in the process of making some major life decisions. Just praying constantly and knowing that my HP will guide me to where I need to be. Take good care of yourself.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sealy,
I don't imagine there is ANYTHING you can tell all the folks on this board that you are thinking (for example: parking the car next door so it won't be seen at the meeting place) or doing that hasn't been done by someone here! But think about it. Have you EVER cared who's car is parked at the Al Anon meeting? I doubt it. Sealy, I didn't even know when the Al Anon people met, much less cared whose car was there. But I'm not getting on to you, because I have worried about all this just like you. I'm just trying to get you to see that the majority of people are focused on THEIR lives. They really don't have time to worry about our's and what meetings we're attending or not attending. I say that with all the love in my heart because I know what you are feeling.
And you're right....I'd be willing to bet people have LONG known about your husband's drinking problem. Don't let him dump that blame on you, that people will know if YOU go to a meeting. Sounds like he's done a pretty good job of advertising his drinking problem himself.
Going to a meeting is for YOU, Sealy, to help you help yourself. Sounds like it's time for you to take care of you. I'll pray that your HP will give you even more courage to do that, for you've already taken the first steps by posting here and expressing what you really already know.
Hugs, gal!
I don't imagine there is ANYTHING you can tell all the folks on this board that you are thinking (for example: parking the car next door so it won't be seen at the meeting place) or doing that hasn't been done by someone here! But think about it. Have you EVER cared who's car is parked at the Al Anon meeting? I doubt it. Sealy, I didn't even know when the Al Anon people met, much less cared whose car was there. But I'm not getting on to you, because I have worried about all this just like you. I'm just trying to get you to see that the majority of people are focused on THEIR lives. They really don't have time to worry about our's and what meetings we're attending or not attending. I say that with all the love in my heart because I know what you are feeling.
And you're right....I'd be willing to bet people have LONG known about your husband's drinking problem. Don't let him dump that blame on you, that people will know if YOU go to a meeting. Sounds like he's done a pretty good job of advertising his drinking problem himself.
Going to a meeting is for YOU, Sealy, to help you help yourself. Sounds like it's time for you to take care of you. I'll pray that your HP will give you even more courage to do that, for you've already taken the first steps by posting here and expressing what you really already know.
Hugs, gal!
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 18
Hey Sealy, a great big welcome to you!. I,too, am relatively new to the forum, and have been away from it for some time, but I will tell you that your story sounds so familiar, and the people here are so full of support, strength and wisdom. Keep coming back, and everyone, please remind ME to keep coming back,please!PEACE,
JAMY
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Good Morning Everyone, Well I have made it through another weekend without going crazy ... 
In all honesty I feel much better about *things* myself included than I have in a long time.
I feel like I am on a road that maybe will lead back to me?
I know that doesn't seem to make any sense but I feel like somewhere along the way I misplaced a big chunck of me. I think it has a lot to do with always trying to be the right way or do the right thing or sometimes to just do or say nothing at all to try to keep the peace in the household ... you have to tread very softly around an addicted person because you never know what will set them off. I don't deal very well with anger and shouting so I have tried to do whatever it took to avoid anything that might set him off. He is not drinking now ... so he says ... he is supposed to be going to AA meetings ... so he says ... but I don't know if Iwill ever be able to trust him again. What I am trying to deal with right now is to get to a point where my happiness and feelings of self-worth are not dependant on his drinking or not drinking. I know I need to find a way to be happy for me ... any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated as I need them desperatly.
In all honesty I feel much better about *things* myself included than I have in a long time.
I feel like I am on a road that maybe will lead back to me?
I know that doesn't seem to make any sense but I feel like somewhere along the way I misplaced a big chunck of me. I think it has a lot to do with always trying to be the right way or do the right thing or sometimes to just do or say nothing at all to try to keep the peace in the household ... you have to tread very softly around an addicted person because you never know what will set them off. I don't deal very well with anger and shouting so I have tried to do whatever it took to avoid anything that might set him off. He is not drinking now ... so he says ... he is supposed to be going to AA meetings ... so he says ... but I don't know if Iwill ever be able to trust him again. What I am trying to deal with right now is to get to a point where my happiness and feelings of self-worth are not dependant on his drinking or not drinking. I know I need to find a way to be happy for me ... any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated as I need them desperatly.
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: oh
Posts: 51
Welcome!
It sure sounds like you could use a meeting The al-anon principles will help you learn how to live your live independent of his sobriety or lack thereof. The folks on here are also a great source of support.
Keep reading, keep posting and try to find a meeting that works for you!
Much love ~ piggle ~
The al-anon principles will help you learn how to live your live independent of his sobriety or lack thereof. The folks on here are also a great source of support. Keep reading, keep posting and try to find a meeting that works for you!
Much love ~ piggle ~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Good Evening Everyone, Well I got some bad news today. I found out that the Al-Anon meeting here in town is on Thursday evening at 8:30 ... this is the time that I have to go to work .. kind of bummed me out when I got the news this morning. You are right though the people on this site are Great about helping me out and giving some really great advice and support.
Well, I have to get up from here and run out the door to go to work.
See Ya,
Sealy
Well, I have to get up from here and run out the door to go to work.
See Ya,
Sealy
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sealy,
You hang in there and keep reading this board and, if you can, get some Al Anon reading material. I went on Ebay, typed in Al Anon/Alcoholics Anonymous and found lots of books, used ones at CHEAP prices. I ended up buying a group of Al Anon books from one lady and it turned out to be the greatest blessing right when I needed it. Not only because I needed the books to help me get started learning, but because I made a GREAT Al Anon friend through the lady who was selling the books.
To make a long story short, we have corresponded through email and she is a woman with many years of wisdom through her involvement in Al Anon. God knew I needed her in my life at that very moment!
So if you can't make the meeting this week, maybe next week. I didn't go right off the bat, but eventually got to one meeting, then another, etc.... In the meantime, try to get your hands on some Al Anon material. You are headed in the right direction, just by being here and trying to learn.
Hang in there, Sealy. We are sisters in more ways than one since we have the 'south Ga' thing going on...
Hugs!
You hang in there and keep reading this board and, if you can, get some Al Anon reading material. I went on Ebay, typed in Al Anon/Alcoholics Anonymous and found lots of books, used ones at CHEAP prices. I ended up buying a group of Al Anon books from one lady and it turned out to be the greatest blessing right when I needed it. Not only because I needed the books to help me get started learning, but because I made a GREAT Al Anon friend through the lady who was selling the books.
To make a long story short, we have corresponded through email and she is a woman with many years of wisdom through her involvement in Al Anon. God knew I needed her in my life at that very moment!
So if you can't make the meeting this week, maybe next week. I didn't go right off the bat, but eventually got to one meeting, then another, etc.... In the meantime, try to get your hands on some Al Anon material. You are headed in the right direction, just by being here and trying to learn.
Hang in there, Sealy. We are sisters in more ways than one since we have the 'south Ga' thing going on...
Hugs!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Good Morning, I get so much out of reading the posts on this site .. you all just don't know what a lifesaver it is for me.
Since I have been coming here ... even if it is only a few days ... I seem to be much more at peace with myself.
I am going to get some material to read and I am going to try to make it to the meeting on Thursday night ... I know I need to do it for me.
Thanks
Since I have been coming here ... even if it is only a few days ... I seem to be much more at peace with myself.
I am going to get some material to read and I am going to try to make it to the meeting on Thursday night ... I know I need to do it for me.
Thanks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Laceejoe, you are right about them weaving right through our hearts. I guess one of the hardest things about it all is that there are the good times when we see just what a good person our *A's* can be ... I know in my own case my husband is a very intelligent, caring, thoughtful human being ... in my case he is often more caring, loving, and thoughtful to other people than he is to me but I still see these occassional glimpses of the potential for goodness that he has within him. This is the hook that keeps me here I suppose ... one of them anyway. It is as I have read in another post on this site I think that we see a potential and we are trying to make them over or save them from theirselves and at some point we lose ourselves in the bargain. I was reading a post yesterday that really spoke to me ... I cannot remember who had wrote it but it went something like this ... you spend you life trying to change them and then one day you wake up and realize you are 40 or older and this is what your life is and you wonder why you have devoted your life's happiness to saving another human being who is not really interested in saving themselves and does not care that you are bitterly hurting and so unhappy you don't know if you can stand one more day ... this has really gotten me to thinking of my life and of myself. I was 32 when I got married and for most of my married life I have been unhappy. I am now 40 years old, in a marriage that is not that great at best ... I get no emotional support or affection from my husband ... he is cold and distant most of the time ... I am married but I am alone ... all night at work last night I have been asking myself ... Why have you stayed and why are you staying now?
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