FriendofBill

Yup.

Just returned from my newcomers meeting tonight. I see a cute guy. I perk up!
Sadly, he had a wedding ring (FOB remembers thats NOT the reason she goes to Al-Anon).

He shares that he is sober now, and suggested his wife go to Al-Anon. She replies with the "Why, Im not the one with the problem". Refuses to go.

So his sponsor suggests HE go. Now aint that sumthin'? The alcoholic wanting to get one of US sober ( recovery)?

It goes both ways. If we all all affected by this family disease, we all need some sort of recovery...but the spouse can be in just as much denial as the alcoholic.

I was. I was recovering for 12 years, till he got sober, and then I quit cus I met me another "him". You know...a MAN!(b/f after divorce)

I had to get into the most severe amount of pain as I had to to return. The ex tried to get me back to al-anon..I let him know in most certain terms, I wasnt going!!

But...when the "him" relationship got so damn sick and painful, I went. On my own. By myself.

And thats how it has to happen for the alcoholics in our life.And, as I shared with this new guy, it has to happen that way for her.

PS..He was so darn cute! Shoot!

cloudy

I remember back in September 03 when my world was turned upside down after I found out about my fiance. My family was naturally concerned and some said cut your losses and go now. Well, they know how I am, I need my space - I must do this on my own. They stepped back, gave me my space, it did happen 2 years later but it wasn't because someone told me to do it. I had to get to whatever point I did on my own. Now I'm not saying this 'point' has everything all fine and fixed with me. I'm not there yet. But that 'point' had to be reached by me, in my own time.

Thanks for opening up a good perspective to see that reminder in FOB.

That is pretty neat that guy is going there like that and why etc. Glad you got those good words out to him through the drool :-) ha ha

FormerDoormat

Humm, where have I heard that before? Oh yes...from me! Denial is certainly a powerful thing.

Your post reminded me of a time about a year ago when I had been repeatedly calling Richard's doctor behind his back and begging the doctor to ask Richard to come in for an office visit. You see, Richard wouldn't go to the doctor on his own, but if the doctor's office would call and ask him to schedule a follow-up appointment, then he'd go.

It was about this time last year when I noticed a drastic weight loss in Richard. Over the course of two months, his weight plummeted from 225 pounds to just 130 pounds. About the same time, I also noticed that he was urinating frequently and drinking massive amounts of water.

When I cleaned the toilets, I noticed that his urine had crystalized under the toilet seat. I suspected that he had developed diabetes. I knew the symptoms well, since several members of my immediate and extended family are diabetics.

I told him about my concerns. Suggested he see a doctor at first, then begged him to do so as his weight plummeted. He was becomming increasingly weak and frail, yet still he refused to see a doctor.

In desperation, I called the doctor, explained the situation, and made an appointment for him. On the day of the appointment, I drove him there and said, "get out, I've made you a doctor's appointment." He complied, and was diagnosed with diabetes.

He began to take insulin and other medications. But since he was always under the influence of alcohol, he was unable to keep track of his medical needs. Couldn't remember whether he'd taken his insulin each day, or not. Didn't bother to test his blood sugar levels.

This led to a series of medical crises, several trips to the emergency room, and one incident where I found him in a diabetic coma on the living room sofa and had to call paramedics to revive him. After each event, I'd call his doctor, tell him that Richard was unable to properly monitor his diabetes due to his alcoholism and that he would not see the doctor when I suggested it. So, I'd ask the doctor to call him and set up an office visit. He complied, and Richard would finally see the doctor.

One day, after a series of these calls from me, Richard's doctor called me at my office. He said that Richard was lucky to have someone like me who cared about him so much, but that Richard wasn't the only one who needed help.

Confused, I asked, "You mean me? Why do I need help?" He said, "Richard needs to seek counseling or attend AA for his drinking and you need to attend Alanon because you are a co-dependent."

That was the first time I'd heard that term. So I did a search on the internet to learn more about co-dependency and it led me to SoberRecovery, and I've been here ever since.

Yep, FOB, Richard wasn't the only one with a problem. Denial is a powerful thing.

Cap3

Im not the one with the problem,thats all she said?wowow.Such restraight...lol.Way back when,if my hub even hinted for...me...to go for recovery,i would have not hold back,and let him have it with all barrels,,explosen,big time,and then some....lol.And would have draged up every,negitive move that he had made sence the day we got married.For this elephant,did not forgive,nor forget in those days.My binolcurlers were always on him..Whew,good thing ,things worked out the way they have for us...Yes God knows what He,s doing...I came to recovery first.I learned,in Al-Anon,that i too play my own part in all the messes.I didnt know this before,i was in denil,i justified everything.I learned a new way to live.And also,hands of his recovery..Oh,dont i know this,for i too am alcoholic.Not going to start any land mines.Hands off...smile...

nocellphone

Um, the phrase "suit up and show up" does not make reference to the "suit" including a hunting jacket!!! ***

I know, I know..."shut up and shut up, NCP"...













***this coming from the guy who met his wife in an Al-Anon meeting...