quietsins

ever get tired into your soul? just... so tired of the lies... the truths... the realizations that life is not fair... that things are messed up.. that you got sick.. that they choose to be sick.. that you cannot control...that you cannot give up... and simply worn out by life and working a program?

tonight my soul is weary. weary of coming to terms with my issues. weary of the tears i wasted on him.. weary from the hope i held together for so long.. weary of recovery.

tonight i wish i could do as he does.. escape into the bottle..the porn.. the fantasy of life.. hide from its ugly realizations and be at peace. tonight... i seek a rest from all of this. from the pain, from having to do the next right thing, from recovery.

anyone else ever get tired to the depths of your soul?
quietsins

minnie

Yup, yup and yup. That's when I do something totally indulgent - shopping, massage, eat a whole cake, whatever. That's my escape.

(((hugs)))

JessicaNAJ

Been there....done that.

When I get like that, I do my best to make it through my day and then go to bed and pray. Going to bed is my escape

StandingStrong

Yep, sometimes I've just wanted to throw in the towel and give up. Just allow myself to be how I am and do what I do and not worry so much about everything. Recovery isn't always a fun thing.
For me, it's the part about feeling confused and conflicted that usually gets me so tired. Just tired of feeling the way I do.
Ahhh...thanks, it was nice to share that. I actually feel better. I guess I needed to share my frustration with the whole recovery process as well.

historyteach

Yes, I feel worn out sometimes. Worn out from having to always double think everything, cuz my first reactions are always wrong. Worn our from having to deal with it over and over and over and it's just non-stop year after year....
I want to know that my child has graduated college and started on the rung of success like all of his cousins. I want him to travel world wide, as some of his cousins are doing. I want him to indulge in a passion, like the theatre or holleywood like one of them is, while still keeping his day job, cuz he's responsible....
I want him to be happy...
...and he's not happy now...
I want him healthy...
...and he's not healthy now...

I want it different.

But that's just a futile dream of mine.
That's all it is.

So, I just continue on in spite of how tired I am of it all...
wanna walk with me?
Shalom!

Pick-a-name

Same here. Some days I just keep thinking, if I can only get the dinner taken care of; I'll be alright.....I can go up in my room, read for a minute and escape into sleep. I am lucky that my kids are older; in fact just the youngest (17y) is really the only one usually here. She's a good and reliable young lady and count on that some days when I just colapse. I hate that she has to deal with any of this; but..... I hated when she had to deal with me taking care of her brother when he had heart surgert,too.but I had no control over that either, did I? YES; I often feel like that....not all day, every day any more, but more than I would like. Trying to trudge along forward; as we all are, or we wouldn't be here, would we?

harleygirl92156

I have discovered when I become weary of working my program, I am making my program too hard and working it too hard. It is a simple program for both us in Al anon and those in AA.
I have come to the conclusion that my program is work, heck life is work! But when we just take care of ourselves, the rest falls into place.
Don't work the program so hard, just do the next right thing FOR YOURSELF and it will get easier.
It should be your new way of life, your new out look on life, not a burden. If it becomes a burden, take a good look at your program to see what changes you can make to have it work for you and not your just work it.
God bless, I do understand how you feel as I was there a few months ago. I grew weary of being so damn angry all the time. It took a long time to let that go, but I am almost there. I have to be aware of it every day, and I do relapse, but I don't beat myself up, I acknowledge the relapse, pray I handle it better next time and move on.
Don't over think every little problem, just live each day the best and happiest you can on that day and move on to the next.
Good luck, keep moving forward.

FaithChaser

Quietsins,
Geesh it seems like everytime I come on here someone posts exactly what I'm feeling! I take breaks from even thinking about working a program. I finally gave up on trying to control the drinking, and watch it go haywire with him. He's been on a five day binge and I don't even care now. Majorly setting my boundaries but at the same time, I don't want to do anything recovery related. I've been avoiding this site lately because it just makes me feel pain to read all the alcohol realted problems everyone is dealing with. Selfish I guess. I have been working so hard on improving who I am. I guess as I always say, when we are learning we take 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I wonder if these times are the one step back, kind of like time to absorb what we are learning. The learning pyramid. Eventually the gnawing feeling takes over and I'll go back to working on myself and my recovery. I understand the working too hard on your program, but for me, I sometimes just need a break and it's as simple as that. It may be that I'm still one sick puppy, but it's not helpful for me to analyze everything to death.

Hang in there, it's progress not perfection right?
Hugs,
~FaithChaser

JT

Quiet....I am sure you have heard that it is always darkest before the dawn. I would bet my lotto money that you are the brink of something! Hang in there!

((((Hugs))))

pmaslan

Yes Quiet I have felt like that many times....however,
falling into the bottle or being anything remotely like him...never

meli2005

Oh goodness yes!! We all do. Just let it out and cry, it's okay. It is what you need to do. Get a good night's sleep, rebuild yoru strength to carry on a new day. You can do it!!