The highs and lows of meetings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
The highs and lows of meetings
My first AA meeting was in February of 04. It kinda freaked me out and I wondered what the heck was I getting myself into? I thought it was pretty weird and that it wasn't for me at all. Then I came to my senses and thought about my alternatives and decided what do I have to lose? I wanted and needed to get sober. We all have to do things we don't like. It is a part of life. I needed to do this to obtain life.
I struggled through the program in fellowship only and had a couple of set backs, but kept going back because I wanted sobriety desperately. I was in dire need of help and was told that the program worked if you worked it. I accepted the fact that I hadn't thoroughly given the program a chance and wasn't working it the way that it was intended to be worked. I wanted to make an honest effort to get sober. I was worth the effort. I got a sponsor and worked the steps and have been sober ever since.
Those of you who have been around awhile have heard about my struggles and frustrations with the program. After sobriety, I went through a stage where the slogans and repetition drove me crazy. I got totally burned out on AA and hearing the same old, same old stories. I almost had a resentment for the program of AA itself, but kept going back because I realized the resentments were of my own making and I wanted and needed to remain sober.
Why was I struggling so and how could I change that? We are responsible for our own outcome and I needed to look deep within myself and straighten out my turmoil. Most times what we don't like hearing is what we need to hear the most. Life doesn't always go the way we intend it to. We have to learn to deal with its ups and downs. AA has taught me how to deal with that. I keep going back because I know the program works and I don't want to risk losing that. I know that complacency is one of my worst enemies.
Today I look back on our Homegroup and have watched it grow, develop, thrive and survive hardships. Our Homegroup is coming up on one year on November 6. It feels good to know that I have been a part of making that happen. I have served as a trusted servant throughout the year and will continue to do so. I have watched newcomers come and go but our group remains strong whether the tables are crowded or sparse.
I mentioned on another thread a few days back about my concern for a newcomer not coming back. The very next day she walked through the door and my heart was lifted. Something that was said did make a difference, she could relate and she did come back. Today we had a visitor from Virginia walk through the door. He was heading to our small community and found our meeting listed on the internet. May the hand of AA always be there anytime, anywhere. It's a wonderful thing.
The members of my Homegroup are there to lend a helping hand for a single mother who may have difficulty doing simple tasks that are second nature to others. I can accessorize with the best of them, but changing the tail light in my car is a challenge. I have learned that although accessories are important, they don't mean diddly squat when your car needs repairs. I am grateful for the helping hand and the thoughtful offers. I know our members are sincere and I can trust and rely on their word. There are times, if it weren't for them, I would have no one to help me out when I'm in need. I"m very grateful for that.
Through the ups and downs, the highs and lows of AA, I have learned that first impressions aren't always what they appear to be. I have learned that those irritating slogans make sense to me and I have come to rely on them. I've come to understand that yesterday's opinion may not be the opinion I hold today or tomorrow. Change is inevitable. Change for the better will happen if you work at it and allow it to unfold.
I'm not always excited to get out and get moving on meeting night, but tonight I was grateful to spend my Saturday with a group of people that I may not always agree with, but will always care for and connect with. No one can truly understand what we have been through like a fellow alcoholic can. We laugh, we cry together, we relate. Sobriety is a gift and thank God for the fellowship and the program of AA. It has saved my life and shown me a trust, understanding and growth that I would never have come to know otherwise. If you are struggling or having a tough time understanding AA, don't give up. If you give it a chance, in time, you will begin to understand it and will start to see growth within. Things will begin to come together and make sense. Don't give up before the miracle happens. I'm glad I didn't. It works if you work it.
I struggled through the program in fellowship only and had a couple of set backs, but kept going back because I wanted sobriety desperately. I was in dire need of help and was told that the program worked if you worked it. I accepted the fact that I hadn't thoroughly given the program a chance and wasn't working it the way that it was intended to be worked. I wanted to make an honest effort to get sober. I was worth the effort. I got a sponsor and worked the steps and have been sober ever since.
Those of you who have been around awhile have heard about my struggles and frustrations with the program. After sobriety, I went through a stage where the slogans and repetition drove me crazy. I got totally burned out on AA and hearing the same old, same old stories. I almost had a resentment for the program of AA itself, but kept going back because I realized the resentments were of my own making and I wanted and needed to remain sober.
Why was I struggling so and how could I change that? We are responsible for our own outcome and I needed to look deep within myself and straighten out my turmoil. Most times what we don't like hearing is what we need to hear the most. Life doesn't always go the way we intend it to. We have to learn to deal with its ups and downs. AA has taught me how to deal with that. I keep going back because I know the program works and I don't want to risk losing that. I know that complacency is one of my worst enemies.
Today I look back on our Homegroup and have watched it grow, develop, thrive and survive hardships. Our Homegroup is coming up on one year on November 6. It feels good to know that I have been a part of making that happen. I have served as a trusted servant throughout the year and will continue to do so. I have watched newcomers come and go but our group remains strong whether the tables are crowded or sparse.
I mentioned on another thread a few days back about my concern for a newcomer not coming back. The very next day she walked through the door and my heart was lifted. Something that was said did make a difference, she could relate and she did come back. Today we had a visitor from Virginia walk through the door. He was heading to our small community and found our meeting listed on the internet. May the hand of AA always be there anytime, anywhere. It's a wonderful thing.
The members of my Homegroup are there to lend a helping hand for a single mother who may have difficulty doing simple tasks that are second nature to others. I can accessorize with the best of them, but changing the tail light in my car is a challenge. I have learned that although accessories are important, they don't mean diddly squat when your car needs repairs. I am grateful for the helping hand and the thoughtful offers. I know our members are sincere and I can trust and rely on their word. There are times, if it weren't for them, I would have no one to help me out when I'm in need. I"m very grateful for that.
Through the ups and downs, the highs and lows of AA, I have learned that first impressions aren't always what they appear to be. I have learned that those irritating slogans make sense to me and I have come to rely on them. I've come to understand that yesterday's opinion may not be the opinion I hold today or tomorrow. Change is inevitable. Change for the better will happen if you work at it and allow it to unfold.
I'm not always excited to get out and get moving on meeting night, but tonight I was grateful to spend my Saturday with a group of people that I may not always agree with, but will always care for and connect with. No one can truly understand what we have been through like a fellow alcoholic can. We laugh, we cry together, we relate. Sobriety is a gift and thank God for the fellowship and the program of AA. It has saved my life and shown me a trust, understanding and growth that I would never have come to know otherwise. If you are struggling or having a tough time understanding AA, don't give up. If you give it a chance, in time, you will begin to understand it and will start to see growth within. Things will begin to come together and make sense. Don't give up before the miracle happens. I'm glad I didn't. It works if you work it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
I resisted AA for over a year, I think. I didn't want to associate with those people. Well, a good hard look in the mirror showed me that I was those people. I didn't want to acknowledge that I was an alcoholic-addict, I thought I could deny it forcefully enough that it wouldn't be true. Another look in the mirror was needed and acceptance was eventually found. It was a process, I guess.
Thank god I hit surrender in my addiction and got to that place of humility where I could go to a meeting completely willing and open. The veils (my pride) were lifted and I could finally see the similarities, not the differences.
I have trust issues (who among us doesn't??), I was shy and uncomfortable in groups, I was intimidated by all those people who were smiling and laughing and knew each other so well. But you know what? I kept coming back - meeting after meeting at the same groups and over time I became one of them. I felt a part of, not alone in a room of 30 people.
I hear newcomers say that they "tried" an AA meeting and didn't feel like they fit in, felt uncomfortable, or something was said or done that they didn't like. Or they don't need meetings. Well, relationships take time. Fitting in takes time. Getting comfortable takes time. Find a meeting you (kinda) like and keep going. Get to know the people who attend and let them get to know you. That's how you become a part of.
In early recovery, I asked how long do I have to go to these damn meetings? The answer was that I have to go until I want to go. D'oh! Today I love my meetings, I need my meetings and I want to go to my meetings.
It does work if you work it.
Hugs,
phinny
Thank god I hit surrender in my addiction and got to that place of humility where I could go to a meeting completely willing and open. The veils (my pride) were lifted and I could finally see the similarities, not the differences.
I have trust issues (who among us doesn't??), I was shy and uncomfortable in groups, I was intimidated by all those people who were smiling and laughing and knew each other so well. But you know what? I kept coming back - meeting after meeting at the same groups and over time I became one of them. I felt a part of, not alone in a room of 30 people.
I hear newcomers say that they "tried" an AA meeting and didn't feel like they fit in, felt uncomfortable, or something was said or done that they didn't like. Or they don't need meetings. Well, relationships take time. Fitting in takes time. Getting comfortable takes time. Find a meeting you (kinda) like and keep going. Get to know the people who attend and let them get to know you. That's how you become a part of.
In early recovery, I asked how long do I have to go to these damn meetings? The answer was that I have to go until I want to go. D'oh! Today I love my meetings, I need my meetings and I want to go to my meetings.
It does work if you work it.
Hugs,
phinny
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Thank you for this, guys. I am a giant ball of negativity this weekend, and I needed a shot of gratitude. I am going to call my sponsor today. I know that is what I need to do, but in true alcoholic form, I wait until I am so miserable I can hardly stand it before I will do anything to feel better.
Thanks for being here. Love you guys!
Thanks for being here. Love you guys!
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
Thank you all so much for sharing!!
When I first started AA, I remember thinking, "Holy $hit, these are the men that are going to help save my life!!" LOL Thankfully they have!!
When I first started AA, I remember thinking, "Holy $hit, these are the men that are going to help save my life!!" LOL Thankfully they have!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Originally Posted by Phinneas
I hear newcomers say that they "tried" an AA meeting and didn't feel like they fit in, felt uncomfortable, or something was said or done that they didn't like. Or they don't need meetings.
phinny
phinny
How do I know this? Because I've been there done that. I have fallen victim a few times. I didn't use the tools that I had aquired because I foolishly thought I could control my disease or things had changed. My alcoholism tricked me into believing that. When did the ability to control my drinking happen, while I was sleeping? I have learned the hard way that the only way to control my disease is to not pick up. To not pick up I have to work my program (AA) or any program.
I have thought the same thoughts as most, fought the process and have failed. When I too surrendered to the fact that I am powerless over alcohol and I am incapable of staying sober on my own, I grew to understand that the program works if you are willing to do the work.
You see alot of people come and go in recovery. Usually when the disappear it isn't for good reasons. It is sad and it is a very difficult situation to watch. Winning this disease isn't easy but it can be done. As one we are weak. We gain strength in numbers. Work a program. It isn't always easy, but it is better than trying to do it on your own.
Some may disagree with me, but I have seen very few become successful in sobriety on their own. I believe that each individual who attempts sobriety on their own truly believes they are capable of succeeding. Each time I hear or read that I think...uh oh. It is just a matter of time and they are back out. I have seen some good people tempt fate and go back out and have not been able to make it back in. There is something about the progression of the disease that makes it hard to get a grip on sobriety after the disease has gotten its grips into you. It is scary. The powerful hold of the disease is astonishing. It gains momentum in waiting.
Just a reminder that alcoholism is cunning, baffeling and powerful. We need to establish firm ground in sobriety. There are no guarantees. We are responsible for maintaining our own sobriety, nobody else. Dont be fooled, we all need support of some sort. Find your support system, whatever your choice. Just don't try to do it alone. IMO, the odds are against you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Being an alcoholic can reduce my clarity of thinking, apparently
I remember when I first saw the inside of an AA meeting, many moons ago.
My life was as unmanageable then as it still was when I finally gave in, years later. I just wasn't anywhere near ready to stop being stupid and stubborn.
I wore the vomit on my shirt like a badge of honor then.
One of the things I looked for in getting loaded all the time was a way to even out the time I spent awake and more or less aware of my surroundings.
I wanted no spikes in the graph, you know...
Just an easy to handle flat line.
The steps, as absorbed through all the means offered by the program, offer me a way to actually find delight in a life made up of highs and lows.
What a concept
I remember when I first saw the inside of an AA meeting, many moons ago.
My life was as unmanageable then as it still was when I finally gave in, years later. I just wasn't anywhere near ready to stop being stupid and stubborn.
I wore the vomit on my shirt like a badge of honor then.
One of the things I looked for in getting loaded all the time was a way to even out the time I spent awake and more or less aware of my surroundings.
I wanted no spikes in the graph, you know...
Just an easy to handle flat line.
The steps, as absorbed through all the means offered by the program, offer me a way to actually find delight in a life made up of highs and lows.
What a concept
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Learning to cope with life's ups and downs sober, what a concept indeed. I myself seem to be on a down swing emotionally. But I am living life as it is intended to be lived, sober. Feeling the highs, the lows and dealing with what life has to throw us is just life. Life isn't easy, but being drunk all the time isn't either. It was hard, damn hard. I choose sobriety and knowing that no matter what, I don't have to drink. Drinking will render me hollow and I will crumble losing everything I have fought hard to regain.
Seems like an easy decision to make. Drinking isn't a viable option. I know when I have been defeated. I have fought the battle of alcoholism and lose everytime I challenge the disease and attempt to drink. I know when I am beat. I have thrown in the towel. However, I am the winner by abstaining. I prefer sobriety. Even through the lows there is a variance of stability. The only way to maintain that is through sobriety. I have finally gotten that concept and find great comfort in carrying that out. Everyday when I am met with a challenge, I stop and think at least I am sober. It could be worse. Being sober is half the battle for me. The rest will fall into place with time. With drinking, nothing falls into place. Life continues to painfully crumble as I stand and watch in full view, knowing I am solely responsible. Talk about insanity.
Seems like an easy decision to make. Drinking isn't a viable option. I know when I have been defeated. I have fought the battle of alcoholism and lose everytime I challenge the disease and attempt to drink. I know when I am beat. I have thrown in the towel. However, I am the winner by abstaining. I prefer sobriety. Even through the lows there is a variance of stability. The only way to maintain that is through sobriety. I have finally gotten that concept and find great comfort in carrying that out. Everyday when I am met with a challenge, I stop and think at least I am sober. It could be worse. Being sober is half the battle for me. The rest will fall into place with time. With drinking, nothing falls into place. Life continues to painfully crumble as I stand and watch in full view, knowing I am solely responsible. Talk about insanity.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by 2dayzmuse
Winning this disease isn't easy but it can be done. As one we are weak. We gain strength in numbers. Work a program. It isn't always easy, but it is better than trying to do it on your own.
I went to AA to learn how to be and stay sober, to work the steps and make recovery the foundation of my life, but I found that the people in AA have given me profound gifts of love and acceptance, too. They are family. When I walk through those doors, I am home.
Hugs,
phinny
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
I think I have been taking my program for granted lately. Cancel that--I KNOW I have been taking my program for granted. I have been doubting the power of the program, forgetting to rely on my HP, leaving my tools on the belt instead of taking them out and putting them to use. I am becoming complacent, and I am not sure what to do about it. I know it helps to talk about it here. I also talked about it at great length at the retreat I went to two weeks ago.
For me, it is all about control. If I think I have it all under control, I am really on the verge of losing it all. I CAN NOT do this alone. I HAVE to have help. Left to my own devices I become selfish, self-centered and full of self-pity. I am miserable. I need you people to help me see all that I have to be grateful for. I need AA to remind me that I am not the center of the universe, but at the same time, I am a valued, important part of the world.
My HP comes from within me. I have been hoding her hostage the past few weeks. It is time for me to let her out again.
For me, it is all about control. If I think I have it all under control, I am really on the verge of losing it all. I CAN NOT do this alone. I HAVE to have help. Left to my own devices I become selfish, self-centered and full of self-pity. I am miserable. I need you people to help me see all that I have to be grateful for. I need AA to remind me that I am not the center of the universe, but at the same time, I am a valued, important part of the world.
My HP comes from within me. I have been hoding her hostage the past few weeks. It is time for me to let her out again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Left to my own devices, I would be out of control and in deep trouble. I've been struggling myself recently. I need strength and guidance for my head is muddled. This to shall pass. Hope and faith is what I rely on. We all need someone to lean on. We can get through the tough times together.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 126
There's a big difference between hanging around in AA and getting involved in AA.
Next time you're hanging around AA,notice that there is coffee made and chairs set up. That if you want to go to another meeting, there is a meeting schedule that somebody put together.
I could go on and on and on but the reality is people who hang around AA would never give second thought to any of these things. I was told a long time ago to pay attention to those people who do these things because they are the ones that are going to be sober many years from now. They were right!
I am fairly new to this board and keep reading about people relapsing. I never read that the people who relapsed did so while making coffee at a meeting.
Next time you're hanging around AA,notice that there is coffee made and chairs set up. That if you want to go to another meeting, there is a meeting schedule that somebody put together.
I could go on and on and on but the reality is people who hang around AA would never give second thought to any of these things. I was told a long time ago to pay attention to those people who do these things because they are the ones that are going to be sober many years from now. They were right!
I am fairly new to this board and keep reading about people relapsing. I never read that the people who relapsed did so while making coffee at a meeting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Just made the coffee last night as a matter of fact. Went an hour early, set up the tables and chairs, served as the secretary and the treasurer. I stayed after and helped clean up, then locked the door. I think you may have a point here. It is important to get and stay involved.
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responisble.
I want to be able to give back what I have received. Especially when going through difficult times. It helps to stay involved with helping others.
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responisble.
I want to be able to give back what I have received. Especially when going through difficult times. It helps to stay involved with helping others.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Service work is a key element, that is for sure. I am very active in my homegroup--just re-did our phone list this week. I always feel more connected and confident in my sobriety when I leave there. I think I am just having a rough patch. I know, "this too shall pass." It always does. As long as I keep up with my commitments, keep going to meetings, posting here, and don't pick up a drink, I will be okay. Entertaining the idea of a drink is one thing--it is expected.... I am an alcoholic, after all. But acting on that desire is another beast altogether. If I stay sober and keep muddling through, I will get to the other side....and be a stronger person for it.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Keep doing what you are doing Laura...you will make it.
If I ever entertain a thought of drinking, all I have to do is think back to my last relapse and it ends right there and then. There is no way I am ever going through that again. I would like to think I'm smarter then that. This time around, I hope I have finally learned from my mistakes. I have no control once I pick up that first drink. It's simple. Don't drink.
If I ever entertain a thought of drinking, all I have to do is think back to my last relapse and it ends right there and then. There is no way I am ever going through that again. I would like to think I'm smarter then that. This time around, I hope I have finally learned from my mistakes. I have no control once I pick up that first drink. It's simple. Don't drink.
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