To All Here((((hugs))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Fort Mill, SC
Posts: 32
To All Here((((hugs))))
Hello all - I written here once before to express my loss.
I've been reading some of the posts here and understand everyones pain.
My story is like all of yours here only.... that my mom passed away a year ago this week (Oct. 17th- funeral 23rd) from cirrhosis. She was just 65 and I 32 her only child.
(((((((((((to all out there struggling))))))))))))))) my heart is with you.I know what you're all experiencing so very well. I have 17 years of it.
I usually post on the grief/loss site here but needed to share. This week, is the first year anniverary. This entire year has been a blur and everyday has been so hard. Time does help to ease the pain but time doesn't heal my void.
My childhood was pretty normal and really loving.
It wasn't until I went away to college that it turned.
My dad had an affair and my mom drank.
She began drinking socially as she had to entertain my dad's customer's most weekends. It was either parties, golfing, outings, dinners, ect.... to make everyone happy. Drinking made her come out of her shell- she would say. She also told me later, that one was never enough. She couldn't stop at just one.
It was like food addiciton- one is never enough. This went on from the mid 80's to 92 or so. When my dad left her, she wanted to die. She drank and drank and drank. She finally called her brother and told him she couldn't walk and needed help. She went rehab. She was sober for seven years.
In 2001 she relapsed and this time - it got worse every year until the end.
I never thought this would happen. I thought she'd hit rock bottom and get help again but I was wrong.
She carried the gene- both of her parents also suffered from ths disease and both passed from heart attacks due to heavy drinking in 68'. I think my mom never dealt with her grief and when she became their age, it started to really become a problem. I think I held our family together but when I attended college- my dad had, had enough.
My mom wouldn't go to the doctor - she didn't want anybody to know. I now have an issue with going to the doctors. I was taught, I guess to put myself last and not first. I do not drink but do have a glass of wine or a beer for time to time. I know I have to be careful- no third generation here.
I'm now trying to plan my own wedding -we ended up hiring wedding planners. My mom would've had the whole thing mapped out already. However, she was too ill- I have to remind myself of this. I was there through it all and loved her more than myself. I'm an acoa and still need recovery. It is painful to post or attend meetings- for my battle is now only with myself.
((((((((I just needed you all tonight)))))))))
and pray - LORD I PRAY.... for us all
Thank you!!!!!
Angela
I've been reading some of the posts here and understand everyones pain.
My story is like all of yours here only.... that my mom passed away a year ago this week (Oct. 17th- funeral 23rd) from cirrhosis. She was just 65 and I 32 her only child.
(((((((((((to all out there struggling))))))))))))))) my heart is with you.I know what you're all experiencing so very well. I have 17 years of it.
I usually post on the grief/loss site here but needed to share. This week, is the first year anniverary. This entire year has been a blur and everyday has been so hard. Time does help to ease the pain but time doesn't heal my void.
My childhood was pretty normal and really loving.
It wasn't until I went away to college that it turned.
My dad had an affair and my mom drank.
She began drinking socially as she had to entertain my dad's customer's most weekends. It was either parties, golfing, outings, dinners, ect.... to make everyone happy. Drinking made her come out of her shell- she would say. She also told me later, that one was never enough. She couldn't stop at just one.
It was like food addiciton- one is never enough. This went on from the mid 80's to 92 or so. When my dad left her, she wanted to die. She drank and drank and drank. She finally called her brother and told him she couldn't walk and needed help. She went rehab. She was sober for seven years.
In 2001 she relapsed and this time - it got worse every year until the end.
I never thought this would happen. I thought she'd hit rock bottom and get help again but I was wrong.
She carried the gene- both of her parents also suffered from ths disease and both passed from heart attacks due to heavy drinking in 68'. I think my mom never dealt with her grief and when she became their age, it started to really become a problem. I think I held our family together but when I attended college- my dad had, had enough.
My mom wouldn't go to the doctor - she didn't want anybody to know. I now have an issue with going to the doctors. I was taught, I guess to put myself last and not first. I do not drink but do have a glass of wine or a beer for time to time. I know I have to be careful- no third generation here.
I'm now trying to plan my own wedding -we ended up hiring wedding planners. My mom would've had the whole thing mapped out already. However, she was too ill- I have to remind myself of this. I was there through it all and loved her more than myself. I'm an acoa and still need recovery. It is painful to post or attend meetings- for my battle is now only with myself.
((((((((I just needed you all tonight)))))))))
and pray - LORD I PRAY.... for us all
Thank you!!!!!
Angela
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Wow Angela, thanx for sharing. We're all here for you, here in puter-land and in real life meetings. Sounds to me like you're going forward with your life, can't be anything more positive and growthful than getting married. Have a big (((((((((( hug )))))))))))) just cuz.
Mike :-)
Mike :-)
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Originally Posted by lovetoall
my battle is now only with myself
(((Hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Fort Mill, SC
Posts: 32
(((((Gabe, MIke & JT))))))
THANKS- I needed to hear your words so much - I felt so alone inside myself. Thank you for the lift and positve words. This week has been very emotional. She passed on the 17th and was laid to rest one year ago today. I look back and can see my battles, growth and now new found strength but the void will always be there.
Much lovetoall!
Angela
THANKS- I needed to hear your words so much - I felt so alone inside myself. Thank you for the lift and positve words. This week has been very emotional. She passed on the 17th and was laid to rest one year ago today. I look back and can see my battles, growth and now new found strength but the void will always be there.
Much lovetoall!
Angela
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