JennyK

I know how to do this. I know I can't control it. I know I can just breath. I know I can have faith in myself. I know that in the long run I will be fine. I know that in the long run my children will be the best that they can be. I know that all of the love in the world will not make him better.

I know this. I know how to do this. And it is so hard...

Jenny

minnie

((((Jenny))))

Just know I'm thinking of you.

I was just talking with a friend about life with an alcoholic being hard and that we have both decided to make life a bit easier. We all do it in our own way, but there are easier options. You know this - isn't it easier now than it was a year ago?

Deep breaths, hon.

equus

Jenny - it is hard. It is so hard.

We're all thinking of you, just spout the whole lot if you want.

pmaslan

I can not think of one thing that is harder......(((Jenny)))

FriendofBill

Usually the hardest thing to do is also the right thing to do.

Im right there with you, hun, I greive it everyday.

It gets better....very slowly, it gets better.

FormerDoormat

Want to talk about it Jen? Sometimes that helps.

((((Jen))))

JennyK

Yes yes...a million times easier. A bit of perspective is helpful...I am so much smarter, I am no longer feeling like I am drowning. I have hope, I have control, I have knowledge and I have power.

Yes, I do feel better. Thank you.

Jenny

JennyK

It is nothing worth spouting, that would require me spending energy typing about things he has done, which in reality I am more upset about my reaction than his action.

Thank you Equus.

Jenny

JennyK

Thanks Patty. I need to feel not alone.

JennyK

[QUOTE=FriendofBill]Usually the hardest thing to do is also the right thing to do.

[QUOTE]

Right now I am finding it hard to forgive myself for putting myself in a place where I was allowed to feel disappointed.

JennyK

Thank you so much. It does help. See your PM.

JessicaNAJ

Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. You are strong and you have come such a long way.

cwohio

jennyk - we've all been there and you seem to do so much better than a lot of us! disappointment in myself was and is still a biggie for me!

FriendofBill

Forgiving ourselves may be a hard thing to do, but its the right thing to do, the only thing to do if we want to get better.

The definition of forgivness in the dictionary is "To let go of resentments".

Now...is it your choice today to resent yourself? If so, be prepared to eat alot of poison..if it is not your choice...might I suggest you try what I have done to forgive myself....

write a letter to that cute, sweet lil Jenny that lives within you (your inner child) and tell her you are sorry for hurting her with bad decisions in the past and tell her how much you love her and will dedicate yourself to healing so she will have someone to always care for her. I found extreme results in writing that letter, and currently I am writing anothr to my 5 yr old. Its an amazing assignment that brings wonderful results.

cwohio

thanks for that suggestion FOB!

reader

Great idea FOB, I am going to try it. Jenny, I know all to well about that drowning feel and the disappointment that goes along with an alcoholic relationship. I am working on letting go of resentments and working on a positive future. You have alot to be proud of. It's nice to know we are not alone in this process. Take care of you and those kids, thats my life philosphy. You are a very smart lady, I love your insightful posts. Keep on keeping on! With love, Kerry