LoveLiving

Hi everyone,

I've been reading your posts for the last couple days but just registered today. I've always been a very social drinker & so are a lot of members in my family so it just always seemed normal. I've probably been drinking on & off for the last 15 years, but for the last 2 years or so it's been every day & it started getting pretty heavy. I don't know how much I was drinking in a day but i drank at work by mixing vodka in with soda or juice to get a little buzz & no one has ever noticed. Then I would drink as soon as I got home from work until i went to bed. Sometimes i couldn't sleep & had a lot of anxiety so i would have a glass of wine or 2 in the middle of the night to put me back to sleep. This pattern continued every day but no one ever knew. On Monday, something inside me hit me like a ton of bricks & i got scared & immediately wanted to stop. On Monday I had a few ounces of wine & stopped. On Tuesday I had one ounce of wine & stopped. Tonight after work I went out with co-workers & had only a few swallows of beer & stopped. I barely had any withdrawal besides a headache on Wednesday night. I have no desire to drink right now but I'm scared to death that I've already caused damage to my health from my past drinking. Has anyone ever gotten blood work done to test your liver or other organs to see if you are already in danger? I'm not feeling sick in any way but it's been consuming my thoughts the last few days but i'd be scared to go the doctor to find out the truth. I've read that a lot of damage doesn't show up until it's already too late & that really scares me. Is anyone else feeling this way?

Midas

Hiya LoveLiving! Welcome to Sober Recovery!

If you know you want to quit, I would strongly urge you visit your physician for a check-up and run a blood test. I was scared out of my wits to get tested, and I forced myself to do it despite my fear. Minor damage can be reversed, but in advanced stages of alcoholism, the damage may take on more permanance.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Even after you quit drinking, you may still develop alcohol related issues. Most of the time, those issues manifest as withdrawal symptoms.

LoveLiving

Thanks Midas!

I want to know about my health but i heard a lot of damage can already be irreversible & that really scares me. I haven't really had many withdrawal symptoms but i heard some can be fatal. did you find out anything negative about your health? did you go to a regular doctor or a specialist?

Midas

Consider yourself fortunate if you don't experience some of the nasty withdrawal symptoms. Nearly every alcoholic who quits, does encounter PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome) at least to some degree.

Here's a very concise description of PAWS. Be sure to read part 2 also.
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Besides causing a lot of discomfort physically and mentally, the one withdrawal symptom that is more likely to be fatal, is Delerium Tremens. I've had DT's. Extremely NOT fun.

From your description about drinking an ounce here, an ounce there--you may have successfully tapered off. That's awesome because I sure couldn't do it.

On orders from my general practitioner--who was concerned about my long-term abuse of alcohol--I obtained a referal from her to visit the ''special care'' unit of the hospital clinic. Luckily, the test results came back inconclusive with regard to my drinking.

Here's a little flashback to that experience;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...7&postcount=66

LoveLiving

Thanks again for the info. I only experienced a headache & a little loss of appetite so far. I'm surprised & extremely grateful that there hasn't been anything else so far. I read about the DT's & that scared the hell out of me. Very strange but i'm not really having any physical cravings for alcohol. In the past I always drank to have a good time, increase my self confidence & things like that. When i first starting really drinking heavy i was going through a depressed period & i'm so much happier now but it just became a routine or habit i guess. The other day i told myself that i could just stop & i did. Right now I'm thanking God every minute for that & just praying i didn't damage my health. I want to live a long happy life being sober & remembering every minute of my life from now on out. i think in the future i might be able to drink in moderation on occasions as long as i don't have any adverse health problems from it. Thanks for sharing your story about getting the tests. That's encouraging but i'll still be scared as hell to do it. Can i ask how long you had been drinking for?

Midas

Overall, I drank for 20 years. I was a daily drinker almost religiously for 10 years--at least a six-pack every day & the weekends were very heavy--usually a case and sometimes two cases.

I don't mind you asking. It helps keep me sober by talking about it. You're quite welcome!

About drinking in moderation...it's the bane of many alcoholics. Very few chronic drinkers can go back to 'normal' moderated drinking. Personally, I don't recommend it. Ask Chip what he thinks of 'controlled drinking' or moderation.

Have you considered going to AA meetings for support? They helped me tremendously.
But AA is not the only approach to recovery, so there are other options available.

We're glad you stopped by this evening. Keep Coming Back!

LoveLiving

i thought about going to meetings but this was my first step so i'll see how this goes first but thanks for the advice. kind of strange looking back but for a long time i didn't realize i really had a problem. i just thought i was having a good time mostly. this past week was definitely the most sober i've been in a long time & i really feel great. now i'm mostly dealing with feelings of regret & embarrassment for living the way i did for so long. i was always afraid to deal with problems in my life but right now i feel like i have the strength to do that sober. i hope that feeling continues. for the first time in a long time, i really want to feel everything & not be numb to it anymore. it's like i had this amazing wake up call. i'll try to avoid social situations for a while where i know people will be drinking so i'm not tempted to even have just one. what made you want to finally quit altogether?

Midas

Taking the first step, as you've done tonight, is sometimes the hardest obstacle to overcome. If you haven't read any of the 'sticky' notes already, both in this forum and especially the alcoholism forum, those will give you a decent idea what to expect and what to do. During the first few weeks of sobriety, you may feel like you're going in all directions at once as your mind and body heals. Your memories, emotions, and senses might feel completely out of whack for a little while.

Regret & embarrassment can be delt with on a higher level, now that you want to get well and improve the quality of your life. It takes time. If you have a spouse, and/or children, include them in your recovery.

What made me finally give up completely? That's kind of a long story. Technically speaking, my employer's HR staff gave me a push at the beginning. I wanted to get sober to keep my job. That allowed me the pleasure of enduring half a dozen psych-evals, a 30-day 'crash course' outpatient therapy program, and OMG I don't even want to go into the details of that mess. It was horrible. The clinical therapy was very beneficial and I learned a lot about myself and my disease.

I was sick and tired of my self-made prison. When I look at the whole experience, it reinforces my desire to never go through it again. Ever.


Thanks for listening to me ramble on.

CarolD

I see Midas has been giving you a helping hand... Super!

Glad to see you seeking sobriety...it is a blast!

Blessings...