sadsammy

I hope this makes me feel better. I haven't attended Naranon yet although I hope it helps. My older sister has been using meth for I don't know how long. She lies about everything but my guess is about 7 months. I can't believe this is happening. So many emotions flood my mind and now i can't live my life normally.
My parents and I feel so stupid for not seeing all the "signs". Never keeping appointments not only with her doctors but with all of us. Dropping out of college yet collecting checks from my dad for books ect. Her rambling talk which makes absolutely no sense. She gambles, steals from my parents. Lord only knows what else she does. She has blocked out everyone who loves her the most. Why is she doing this? I guess i need to remember it's the drug not her. Her illness overwhelms me.
I keep feeling sick, stomach in knots. What makes it worse she is only 24 and appears to not care if she lives or dies. She doesn't care about AIDs or Hep C, sharing needles and unprotected sex with her 41 year-old "loving" boyfriend (as she puts it) seems to be completely fine to her.
My mom is recovering from a liver transplant and you think she would care more about others than herself, but i guess addicts just dont care unless it involves them,them,them,them......And even when it does affect them they don't care. God help me understand...
I feel powerless to the beast attacking my world. I hate crystal meth. I hate is sooo very much. It has robbed me of my only sibling and has devastated myself and my parents beyond what words can express.
When will the pain stop? I fear the answer is never.
Tink the poem you posted gave me chills....but things such as that are helping me to understand...

tink360

Sweetie take a deep breath and close your eyes for a moment and relax. i know its hard and your thread brought tears to my eyes...i wish i could do something for you...you remind me of my sister. i was a meth addict for 3-4 years...i stole and lied and unfortunately i used to beat my younger sister who used to cover for me and defend me. i used to feel trapped inside of myself. like i couldnt escape the pain. i couldnt stop. it took my father to step in and put me in detox and somehow i fell into gods arms and he cradled me to this point. my heart goes out to you and what your going through.

i do want to thank you because youve made me realize what damage ive done to my family and it wakes me up. i dont ever wanna go back to that sh*t . i love my family so much but i know that when i was doing crystal i didnt love anyone but the crystal. your gunna be ok. please keep posting id like to see how your doing