snowdeep

how come I can't put it away and go to sleep...? I say no more, get in bed, then it is two hours later and I'm still going for more every couple of minutes...!!! god I hate this.

Time2Surrender

You gotta really want recovery.You gotta be done.I know its hard.Have you tried NA? Thats what works for me and many others.

snowdeep

I've looked for meetings.. not sure which one will be good for me other than all of them... jk. I be through my current supply by ??? tuesday.. then no more... I think I'll try to go to my first meeting wednesday.. do you know of any good ones close to downtown that doesn't have just street people? nothing against them, we have the same problem, I probably wouldn't be very comfortable??

snowdeep

so I couldn't put it away.. stayed up all night--had the classic coke face at work all day--had to come home early to get my fix... damn it!!! this has to stop......

KelKel

Praying for your willingness and a miracle...

In memory of miracle

Wicked drug...I know. Have you considered going to a treatment center? Sometimes when we get away from it for awhile our thinking clears up and we get a look at ourselves and our using, also it takes the choice to use out of our hands for awhile. NA is also a great idea.It works. I wish you the best.I've been there, I know how hard it is.
Bless, Trish

jessica2002

There are some really good meetings in Portland. I wish you the best of luck. I had to hit my lowest bottom to quit. I'll pray for you.

roadie58

yes, its insidious. that's the only word for it. You have to have done enough. Have you had enough pain? That's what all my sponsor's and friends asked me. I still lost gf's jobs, $, health, while attending meetings because of relapses.

Why not just start now? Find a meeting and get a temporary sponsor? CA, NA, AA, just find a meeting, okay?

snowdeep

hell ya.. the problem is it only hurts when you stop... I know-thats the start... my current supply is gonna be gone soon-then the games begin... is there anyway to slowly slid into this or should I just finish strong. Any products at GNC to help with the detox portion? should I hit the steam and sauna at the club?? I'm so tired of this lifestyle.. I don't burn this stuff too often, but today when I came home-I swear I could smell it fresh like it was on a platter in every room-ok, it was in two, but still- everything smells, I hurt, ache, can't sleep, barely make it through my day-just to rush home and start the crazy cycle all over again...

MagdaM

wow i know what you mean. i'm so sorry you have to be going through this. the smell. that is the worst. and seeing every little spot of dust and having to go and check that maybe you didn't spill something--compulsive. i'm sorry. i haven't got any advice--just wanted to sympathyze. say something like "good luck" or something.

snowdeep

how do I clean when I quit? I don't want the smell-but it almost seems that it is everywhere or is that just me?

snowdeep

stardate 9:15 PM 10/3/05- now I have finished it and I'm getting ready for the ride-even though I ache, and don't feel real good-I do feel emotionally stronger-I hope it wasn't just that last bump? I didn't make a meeting today. I didn't want to go loaded-so tomorrow is gonna be my first. Here is to water and the sauna tomorrow night-too bad I have to go to work

roadie58

water, water water, I used Tylenol PM for aches and to help sleep. You'll need a couple of days off minimum. Try to be around someone strong if you can. ice packs for neck and head or sinuses. eat some bland stuff so tummy not upset. water, water, water. I don't know about the steam room, maybe a hot tub if you've got it for aches and some sweat. about day 3 I was able to get out and walk a bit.

It will hurt like hell, you've been numb and there seems to be something about coke that makes joints ache like heck. I don't know if the metabolites of coke reside in muscle tissue or what, but I did hurt all over, like I'd been in a car wreck. But you HAVE TO RESIST the urge to go out again. This day 1 thing can be a 24 hour thing or you can keep experiencing the pain if you want. Day 1` sucks so get it over with and don't look back. I just got 6 months in and feel almost totally human again so it is possible to find a life outside of the dealers.

And keep writing here..... good luck!

tink360

:congratson your first step to recovery. Stay strong and dont give up. Youre going to feel tierd and weak but dont let it get to you. Drink lots of water!!!! Please keep us posted. maybe the first few days take this position:couchpota your body needs to rest. keep us posted id like to know how your doing and ill be praying for you, just know that it can be done. many of us have done it and we are no stronger or no weaker than you. i used to have to hear that all the time. it made me feel like i had no excuse to fail. i hope you found some meaning to somethng here that can keep you fighting. and you can do it!

hopealwayz

You can do it. Take it one day at a time. Just wake up in the morning and tell yourself that you are not going to use for that day.

It goes get better and easier as time goes on. You have lots of support here!

Keep the faith.

roadie58

so how you doin? Hope today isn't too tough for you. Please post just a short note if you can...

snowdeep

makin it... had to travel for work and I was dragin ass... just got home and I need a shower and bed. thanks for the support. I almost couldn't make it over to the computer. I almost feel like I just ran a marathon and I have spagetti legs that won't go away... the body feels like **** and my nose is about ready to explode-but my brain feels better already.. time for bed. I'll check in again tomorrow

pumpkinangel

snowdeep: I am starting over after about 30 days of sobriety! I am an addict and I feel your pain. It has been so hard for me to kick coke. Alcohol is just a precursor for me but no lies I like it as well. If you are going to stop the madness you have to really want to! I realized that just being clean is not bening sober-really. This is why I have relapsed several times. There is hope for you and me! You just have to be willing to surrender and admit you can not take the pain anymore. It will hurt worse before it gets better. Guess that is why I am once again starting over. Just know this..if you ask for help that is a huge step and takes so much courage. I never realized that until just recently. Try to quit for one day and see how you feel. It may shock you that you feel good.

roadie58

hey snow, thanks for posting, good to know you're okay. 'spaghetti legs' never heard that one, but that's what it's like. I remember my joints aching like I'd run miles like you said. I guess maybe on all that coke our muscles tightened up a lot so it's weird when they finally relax and the artificial boost of coke leaves the system.

it'll hurt good for a couple of days. keep on the water. cannot emphasize that enough, your body is an engine and it's like it ran out of oil, so pour plenty in, okay? that also helps flush out the poisons. Maybe some vitamins but not on an empty stomach.

Are you sleeping okay? It'll probably be fitfull with night sweats, so just keep on changing sheets, take showers, etc. I found a small fan helpful to cool ya off and the whooshing sound was comforting.

Have you been able to eat yet? I had no appetite when using of course, so was heavy from booze, yet malnourished. Start out with simple foods, but try to stay away from junk food that makes you feel worse.

take care and write back. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS, I was using several grams a day for months and managed to break the habit. Have you tried any meetings yet? I mostly do AA, but my groups are very liberal and let you talk about other stuff. In my book any chemical was really the same as alcohol from a treatment standpoint, so AA works fine for me. Others might prefer NA or CA. But any meetings helps.

Stay cool, write back.

roadie58

how you doing? Havent' heard anything today. I'm kind of imagining that you might have made work, then collapsed. Not a bad thing. Any way to get a long weekend to recover? Please make plans for some type of support group or meeting. Please.....