hopealwayz

I messed up and used. But this time, something worse happened. I used a lot more cocaine than usual and I started getting chest pains. Things just felt all weird inside of my chest. Then my lungs felt funny and started aching. I am not having trouble breathing or horrible symptoms. My body just feels really strange now because it is like something is going on in there. If I overdosed, something worse probably would have happened. If my symptoms get worse, or if I have trouble breathing, I will have someone take me to the ER. I thought that I was dying! I said, "no, I don't want to die this way!" I am scared to death. I don't know what is going on with my body.

On top of this, I just found out that the roof of my mouth has deterioration due to cocaine abuse. All of those temporary fun times lead me to a lifetime of struggles. I wish I never touched that drug. I'm 24, and my body is probably similar to someone 2 or 3 times that age. I want recovery! I want my life! I don't want to die this way. I think I saw that I could die and it scared me so much.

I deserve so much more out of life than to be in the grips of addiction.

roadie58

AngelHugs,

I'm here babe, please drink some water, one of the first things coke did to me was dehydrate me terribly. Are you drinking booze on this binge too? Stay with me. I'll help ya, I'm up.

hopealwayz

I originally bought alcohol too but I read that cocaine and alcohol is a bad mix so I avoided it. God is looking out for me. I seriously do not know how I am still alive with the amount of that poison I put in my body. I did some very lethal amounts. God must still have a bigger plan for me.

roadie58

What'd you do, an eight ball tonight? It's amazing how much junk our bodies can tolerate. Look out for the breathing, I hear it's the first thing to go when you've had too much, like you start fighting to suck in air.

Please stop doing any more.... Is there a friend local or neighbor who can come stay with you?

hopealwayz

I did much more than 3. That used to be the most I would do until I got connected with this new dealer. With him, I used in massive quantities. I am ashamed to say just how much I have done at one time.
It is a miracle that I can even breathe.

hopealwayz

I hope that I'm not dying.

roadie58

we're pming to get through this.... Prayers please...

hopealwayz

Roadie, the PMs are really helping. Going get some water now...trying to move.

roadie58

Good, I gotta get some sleep, road trip tomorrow. Glad I could help ya through a bit. More water please, take cool shower if ya want, then get to bed. Keep phone nearby in case ya get scared.

I'd feel better if you could get a neighbor or friend to stay over with you. Sure there isnt' someone?

roadie58

Reread your PM's when you come down and think about if you ever want to feel this badly again. This is killing you, you know....

It can get better, maybe try a meeting. NA or AA, just any meeting for now..

Luckyv2

(((((((Angel))))))))

I love you dear just hang in there honey ok, someday when you least expect it there is going to be a light bulb go off and you will know when that day is. You are just like me I am praying for you.

Love Vic

Lbad

Angel Hugs,
I am hoping you feel better soon. Lots of prayers and hugs going your way. I hope you think about how you felt last night the next time you decide that using might be a good idea. I think it sucks that we have to suffer so much before we are really ready but maybe you can look at your experience as a gift. One step closer to the bottom you need to hit before you are willing to make the change and do whatever is neccesary to stay clean.
I didn't think I would ever be grateful for jail, hospitals and my arm almost having to be lost due to abcesses but, I am. That's what it took to get me ready for a new way of life. A life I never dreamed possible. You can have that too. I know it.