equus

Has anyone else ever just had a niggle of anxiety/fear? I felt fine an hour ago and nothing has happened since to make me feel different. I'm swimming tonight with my mate so have something to look forward to.

The only thing that happened was that D rang me to say he was going to go to the post office to do a signed posting for his work key - it's 2 mins walk away but he rang before he left and as soon as he got back. I realised it was the first time outside in a couple of days but I don't think that gave me my niggle - I was a bit surprised/bemused/concerned that he rang before and after but that was all.

Work has been okay - I've got quite an interesting new project, outside of my job description but deliciously hard!

While I drove home I imagined talking to his old boss, wanting them to realise they'd shown very little humanity and had only thought about money, then I felt like that thinking was holding anger so I tried to think of good things I'd say - but everything I thought of still had in it that I wanted them to know they'd done harm for money.

Why is this niggle still sat with me? D's been sweet, he hasn't finished his tasks but has gone up to do them and has done most of it. His main news was he killed his game because he got all his skill levels (for his character) into the millions and is now indestructable and can do everything so it's boring. No reason for a niggle there.

Anyone else get stupid niggles?

gelfling

I know exactly what you're talking about. Out of the blue they come. Seemingly for no reason. I used to knock myself crazy trying to figure out why it happened and at that moment, I'm pretty mellow; or so I think.

I too would like to know what causes these little bouts of anxiety/fear. I can go for several months and not have any. And other times, they're nonstop. Or maybe I should say it's not the typical attack that comes and goes, but stays with me for hours and days on end.

What D's bosses did to him was so very wrong and painful for a lot of people. But, their loss for sure. When an instance happens that I see an injustice, I try and turn it around with the thought that it was for "his" or "my" own good that it happened and there was better down the road. Eventhough you know you can't confront them about their actions, know that they're going to go through h#ll trying someone who was as intelligent and creative as D. Probably will have to hire 2 people just to replace him.

Have a mental conversation with his bosses and give them a piece of your mind. Then try and let it go. It's difficult to do, but dwelling on what happened weeks ago won't allow you to progress in your program.

Blessings

equus

Well I feel fine now but thanks - it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm 100% sure all stress is water soluble, swim and it goes away!!

I should add that I think it was about his bosses. It's not that I blame them for what's happening now, just that I know that was a time when a little understanding and kindness would have made a world of difference. I think D ringing me before and straight after just walking round the corner sort of reminded me where he's at right now - which I often forget because he's still good company etc. I reckon it was a bit of sadness and anger making me feel uneasy. It made the situation feel worse which I think turns into worry and fear.

I'm sorry to have dumped it here - it wasn't really that big, just bugging me!

Thanks Fairy God Mum!!

minnie

Well, where else are you going to dump it?

I think it's brilliant that you are really listening to your mind and body - questioning all those feelings.

equus

I leak like a sieve and just can't seem to get the hang of being more self contained!! Odd feeling? hey lets post it!! BLAH!! I got curious because I couldn't really put my finger on why I felt like that.

It passed anyway but it's lovely to get the support on top.

minnie

Please just be who you are and be grateful that you can do post what you like on here. I still don't feel entirely comfortable - both because I am still learning but also because I don't know if my ex is monitoring my posts.

cwohio

equus - you're one of my favorite "teachers" on this site so don't you dare stop "dumping" on here!!! if you do i may have to shoot a spitball at you! LOL

glad your niggle is no longer present!

bahookie

Hey
The things that bother me aren't fully formed. It's when I feel a niggle but have hardly an idea what it is!
Maybe just years of pushing fears down?
j
xxxx

FaithChaser

Equus,

Just had to add my 2 cents in this one, you have also been one of my favorite "teachers" on here as well. I sometimes don't respond to your posts and some others just because I feel that you are eons ahead of me in recovery, but you know that myself and I'm sure many others gain so much knowledge from your posts!Please don't stop dumping,
As far as panic goes, or a niggle (see, I had no idea what "niggle" meant too!) I used to have panic attacks where it feels like you are going to die, I would do it in my car, driving down the expressway in downtown Chicago. YIKES! My mother told me to talk to it (she was a psyc. nurse) tell yourself that is all it is and it takes the power away from it. Worked for me. Well that and less caffine! You are lucky that your's is water soluable.


Big Hugs!
~FaithChaser

bahookie

ps also meant to say I enjoy your dumps but wow did that not come out right

equus

bahookie, I confess to enjoying my dumps too - who doesn't? (ehem.... as long as they come out right!).

Cwohio, I'm hoping spitballs have nothing to do with cats????

Thanks for making me feel like I get somethings right - I needed it. I spent the morning being given wrong phone numbers to try and chase up D's referal - I'm still waiting for the right one! Then this afternoon I went with D for the second part of signing on the dole.

It's funny how when you plan something it seems so simple but doing it can feel so different. Going with D I ended up asking him which pub he'd gone to last week (DOH!!) he answered but it still set me thinking about it. Then we had to wait and wait and wait, he got his slot and I had to wait and wait and wait some more - too much time to think in entirely the wrong place for good thinking! He has to sign on each week starting Monday. I was supposed to rush back to work but felt completely messed up.

D felt guilty that I felt messed up and asked whether I'd rather not go with him on Monday, I felt even more messed up then. THIS STINKS!! It stinks for him, it stinks for me - how the hell do you just sit down and calmly discuss whether one of you will go slightly potty in town? How's he supposed to cope knowing why I was there? Or me knowing the same thing?

So my niggle the size of a mossi bite turned into a gaping sore! This time I know why but haven't a clue what to do about it. I changed the afternoon to A/L so that I didn't have to go back into work. I'm not so scared anymore - just sad.

susane1408

I enjoy your 'dumps' too

susane1408

Boy! Do I ever understand this!
((((((((((Equus))))))))))))

equus

I think I'm going to skate tonight after dropping D off to have his playstation evening. I hope it works to shift something inside me. I was mad at myself when we first got back because I felt like I was making it worse and I didn't know how to react, I didn't know what I could do. I don't think it's me though - we're sat waiting and we've just been left with it, I'm not sure anyone could know what to do or how to go about this stuff. Sometimes as he winds up feeling more humiliated I wind up feeling like it's me doing it - if it is I just don't know what else to do.

cwohio

equus - i think skating is an excellent idea.

btw - spitballs don't have anything to do with cats - spitballs are little pieces of wadded up paper that have been soaked in one's mouth and then rolled into a ball, and blown out of the end of a straw.

you're prabably thinking of hairballs and cats! LOL

equus

That reminds me.....

Shrek hairball hurler game!

cwohio

equus - how fun is that!!!?? thank you so much!!!!!