angelgirl

Hey there. As many of you know, I have been having a hard time lately.
The anxiety has gotten worse.
Well last week, I had an incident happen outside of my home. It was an experience, and not a good one.
I realized after that, that I really need to make some changes in my life.
My life has become very unmanageable. Although I have not used, and I do not want to use, so things must change. one of those changes include not spending as much time as I have here on SR. I am in no way saying I am leaving SR, and I am also not saying anyone tied me to my chair and made me spend to much time here, I was handling that quite well on my own.
I am neglecting so much by doing this, and it is going to be hard for me, so I plan in sense to "ween" myself slowly down , until I am not here everday.

I need the support I recieve I get on SR. But I can get that, and still give that and not spend so much time here.
I love you all, and thank you all for being there so often for me. I hope I have also helped others the way you have helped me. You just can't honestly imagine how important you and SR are to me. Thanks so much. I love you all
Like the family I wish I had...
I will be here. On and off. Have a great day.....

Love, Becky

mendingheart

Becky,
So sorry you are having a difficult time. I do understand that we have other responsibilites however, and it is easy to get caught up here and before you know it, an hour or two has passed!
Take care of you, and do what you feel makes your life better. We will eagerly await to see you pop in!
Hugs.
Mendingheart

indigo

Hey we'll still be here when you come home to us.

hugs indigo

Anna

Hi Becky,

You have given lots of support here and I know you'll be around. Just check in and see what's happening here and I hope that things in your life become more peaceful for you.

Love, Anna

shestruggles

I love you so much, dear, but I do understand. I find I often get so caught up in SR, I don't complete the others things I need to take care of.
I've kinda done the same thing, not around as much, but still here 100% in spirit.
Better not stop the PMs though, or I'll go outta my teeny tiny mind.
I know your posts, so full of compassion will be missed, but one person can't do it on thier own, ya know? You're always there for everyone, all hours of the day and night. I agree you need a little step back to concentrate on YOU, but everyone here knows how much you care about each and every one of us!!! You are such a respected and loved part of the SR community!

Again, my dear angel, you know I'm always here for you...and that I love you like..... ~crazy~

SS

hopealwayz

Becky,honey, I'm so sorry to hear that things are a bit rough. You have helped me soooo much and you are a true angel here on SR. You've got to take care of yourself too so we all understand your need to take a step back. We will be here when you want to pop in! You have touched so many people's lives and you are a huge part of SR! Thanks for all the help and wonderful words that you so freely gave out of the goodness of your heart. I will be praying for you.........

angelgirl

Thank you all, you touch my heart. I am not really going anywhere. I just need to ween myself slowly down a bit. So I am not spending so much time here,. I have been known to completely ignore my kids, and what they are saying, because I am busy posting on SR. That hurts me to think of.
I don't want to replace drugs with SR, and I LOVE to be here, so I am just slowly backing off. I will still be here, on and off, and so far, I feel I am doing pretty well. I have been on, but not to much for a few days now, just a few times. And that's great. I want to be here for people, to support and be supported. I love you all so much, I feel so close to many of you here. You can feel close to people you don't know in person, it is possible, we share so much.. You are all so special.
Well have a great day, and remember, I am still around occasionally, peeking, lurking, lol, PM me if you want, or neeed.
Love ya all, I really do..
Becky

help123

I love u, angel and thank you for everything, as many people will probably say!

roadie58

Becky dear, I know how easy it is to get involved in these Forums. I'm in another for a hobby of mine and it does take a lot of time. I find myself using it for company instead of hanging out with real people. I too, try to stick around without posting and reading so much. It can be like getting lost in the library. Lots of good info, but scary if you stay there too long. Best wishes.

angelgirl

Thanks Alycia, I love you very much too!!
Roadie, you are correct in your analogies..
I don't have many friends left anymore. I have secluded myself so much from the outside world. I used to have many, many friends. There was a time when I did not want any frineds at all, I felt they were just a bother, took time that I just did not have between working that ungodly shift work ( 12 hours too) and having 4 kids.
Now that is just a sick attitude. A selfish attitude, and I didn't deserve to have any friends then.
I feel differently often now. I wish often that I had someone I could call that I could go do something with. I envy girls that have sisters, or moms. I wish my mom was here, we used to have so much fun together. Now that my kids are older too we could even be doing things together that I could only have dreamed about back then. But I shouldn't go there...
But as for friends, I don't even know how to meet them anymore. I am afraid of being a pain by calling people. I am almost like afraid of people. It's very hard to explain, exactly how I feel. So that is something I need to work on. It's good to recognize your faults, so you can work on them.
Thanks Roadie, I love you also..
Thanks for your quick replies...
Love ya all,
Becky

Pick-a-name

Balance in your life seems to be what you are saying........? Sounds very healthy to me!
Hope you ck in from time to time to keep us updated.........best of luck to you!

Jane63

**{Angel}}
I am so sorry and I hope whatever happened that upset you is over and done with and that you were able to move past it.
Your post here reminds me so much of myself...especially the part about ignoring my daughter to complete a post I was typing on the computer! I did that alot during my addiction and gradually weaned myself off through recovery. You are correct in saying that you don't want to replace one bad habit with another and like everyone else has replied, we all have stuff in our lives that we need to tend to. I know you will find a comfortable route for yourself with time hun as I have alot of faith in you!!
I also understand the "friend" thing...totally!! I seem to be lacking in that area alot these days, although I have many "aquaintances" but am just too untrusting nd sensitive to seek them out. I have been hurt so many times in the past by "friends" that I just sort of gave up on ever finding one that "clicked" with me...and even though I have pretty much moved past all that, it is still something that concerns me because I know deep down that LIFE is lived to its fullest when we have good friends to share it with. In fact, this is something the hubby and I both are working on and have been for awhile now since we know that we will be "empty-nesters" very soon and we both need that interaction from others.
Just keep working on it and I know you will find someone for you...sometimes the best of friends are found when we are least expecting it! Remember that!
Sending you ****{HUGS}}} and you know you can PM me anytime too!
Jane

Time4Change

Hiya Becky! When I read this post, it made me smile, because I would've said the exact same thing a few months ago. I had isolated during my addiction. The computer was my only friend. I got caught up in message board drama and spent all my money on online pharmacies. I was sick! I was a neglectful mom, too, that's for sure.

Once I got help and started therapy, etc., things got better. But the BEST thing for me has been my NA meetings. I'm not sure if you mentioned whether you go or not, but it's been SOOOOO great for my recovery! I forgot how to make friends, but at my NA meetings it became so simple! Everyone is so kind and friendly, plus they've been in my shoes and are understanding. It seems most people who've been deep into addiction become sort of "socially ********". I've spoken to other women about my awkwardness in making new friends, and they all laugh about it because they feel that way, too. We're all sort of learning again together.

My cell phone is now filled with numbers of women I can call at any time and ask out for coffee or shopping or a meeting! It's wonderful! I get a few calls a day by women checking on me, asking how I'm doing, etc. I have enjoyed getting involved with NA meetings, like making the coffee, becoming treasurer, going to business meetings once a month, going out for pie after a big meeting once in a while. And all along I thought I wouldn't fit in to NA, that they weren't like me, there wouldn't be many "pill-poppers", they wouldn't understand .... instead I found so many similarities, it gives me chills. They're like family, and it's such a blessing.

Just wanted to share that. I wish you the best, Becky. You're a sweetheart and I always enjoy your posts here. But I admire you for realizing you may be spending too much time here and so you're doing something about it. That's very wise, and it looks like your recovery is going very well. Hang in there. Pop in from time to time and keep us updated.

Love ya!

REZ

For me, it's all about balance. Most anything I do is okay, unless I do too much of it. I spend some time each day in the online recovery world, but I also make time for: work, family, meetings, friends, excercise, service, etc...I also need to remember that for me, doing drugs again is much worse than: eating to much, working too much, having too much sex, excercising too much, or spending too much time doing the online recovery thing.