I'm back safe!
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I'm back safe!
Just to let you know I'm back safe. I haven't answered any PM's yet and I'll be able to post tomorrow. I had a great time but things kind of fell apart here while I was gone. It may not have been a bad thing though, I actually think alot of good has come from it.
It's a bit hard right now though 'cos I'm very tired. I'm going for a cuddle in bed with some big wishes, good health, understanding, forgiveness and for D to forgive himself.
cwohio - I went for a walk at dawn over a dry empty field, there was a dead thistle, dried out but still with a bright purple, dry flower. My camera battery was flat though.... But I saw it!
It's a bit hard right now though 'cos I'm very tired. I'm going for a cuddle in bed with some big wishes, good health, understanding, forgiveness and for D to forgive himself.
cwohio - I went for a walk at dawn over a dry empty field, there was a dead thistle, dried out but still with a bright purple, dry flower. My camera battery was flat though.... But I saw it!
We've missed you (well I have anyway
)
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Thanks all for the responses - they were nice to get up to this morning!
It may take a little while to sort the pictures out. I have to get them off my camera, shrink them to less than 240k, host them on photobucket and then I can show them here!!
We did have a great time, lots of sun sea and sand. The hotel was more of a bed and breakfast and in the middle of nowhere, which was lovely but expensive on the taxi front.
D didn't manage - he did for a couple of days but apparently didn't keep any food down or sleep. I'm glad someone was with him, but it didn't stop things deteriorating. He messed up his meds, forgot one day then the next forgot he'd taken them and took 2 lots. He wound up with panic attacks took his beta blockers, then took more. My phone had gone flat so I could only ring from payphones. Usually he'll check in with reality when he worries but he couldn't and despite me ringing a couple of times a day his imagination got the best of him. He managed till the wednesday but then drank - heavily. The above is pieced together from the friend that was with him and the messages I got (which became bizarre a day or 2 before he drank). He hasn't used it as an excuse.
Progress not perfection! He's following the plan today. Interdependence is fine but it's flagged up that he was still VERY dependent on me - he wants to sort that and is returning to the docs to see if they can give him any info on the waiting list re help from the mental health team. I didn't offer to go with him because I think it's a level of independence he had achieved and I see no reason to lose faith in that just because he stumbled at the next step up.
As for me? Well I didn't go home (from the holiday) early, I'm at work today. I don't regret having gone away, I think we both needed to know what it flagged up. I want to keep another trip as a target but perhaps I've also learned it's a bit further off than I had thought.
I feel okay, at least now I've got over the shock of how quickly he lost it!! That had been a big shock, especially as the first day and a half he was still sending me such lovely texts saying he was doing fine - I now know otherwise!
One thing I'm determined not to do is to obliterate the month before in my thinking. He had got to the point where he was sorting his own meds and I've left it that way. He was at the point of seeing the doc alone and I've left it that way, I'm at work and not really worried because I feel he has reached that level of independence, it is fair for me to be where I am. The only thing he didn't cope with was keeping his imagination in check when he couldn't get me to check it with reality - we'll work on that but one step at a time! I think when his individual counselling begins I'll start looking at extending the time I'm out of contact in a structured way. I'll wait and see, nothing in a hurry - perhaps it something I need to check out first.
It may take a little while to sort the pictures out. I have to get them off my camera, shrink them to less than 240k, host them on photobucket and then I can show them here!!
We did have a great time, lots of sun sea and sand. The hotel was more of a bed and breakfast and in the middle of nowhere, which was lovely but expensive on the taxi front.
D didn't manage - he did for a couple of days but apparently didn't keep any food down or sleep. I'm glad someone was with him, but it didn't stop things deteriorating. He messed up his meds, forgot one day then the next forgot he'd taken them and took 2 lots. He wound up with panic attacks took his beta blockers, then took more. My phone had gone flat so I could only ring from payphones. Usually he'll check in with reality when he worries but he couldn't and despite me ringing a couple of times a day his imagination got the best of him. He managed till the wednesday but then drank - heavily. The above is pieced together from the friend that was with him and the messages I got (which became bizarre a day or 2 before he drank). He hasn't used it as an excuse.
Progress not perfection! He's following the plan today. Interdependence is fine but it's flagged up that he was still VERY dependent on me - he wants to sort that and is returning to the docs to see if they can give him any info on the waiting list re help from the mental health team. I didn't offer to go with him because I think it's a level of independence he had achieved and I see no reason to lose faith in that just because he stumbled at the next step up.
As for me? Well I didn't go home (from the holiday) early, I'm at work today. I don't regret having gone away, I think we both needed to know what it flagged up. I want to keep another trip as a target but perhaps I've also learned it's a bit further off than I had thought.
I feel okay, at least now I've got over the shock of how quickly he lost it!! That had been a big shock, especially as the first day and a half he was still sending me such lovely texts saying he was doing fine - I now know otherwise!
One thing I'm determined not to do is to obliterate the month before in my thinking. He had got to the point where he was sorting his own meds and I've left it that way. He was at the point of seeing the doc alone and I've left it that way, I'm at work and not really worried because I feel he has reached that level of independence, it is fair for me to be where I am. The only thing he didn't cope with was keeping his imagination in check when he couldn't get me to check it with reality - we'll work on that but one step at a time! I think when his individual counselling begins I'll start looking at extending the time I'm out of contact in a structured way. I'll wait and see, nothing in a hurry - perhaps it something I need to check out first.
Hi, I dont know where you went, but it sounded inspirational... 
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Well his return to the docs didn't get him very far! He booked it and went alone despite it being someone new - he even actually asked his question but unfortunately accepted the same reply they gave last time - ie that his referal will come through in the next few weeks!! BLAH!!!
I'm 70% sure I could get it moved forward by actually saying WHY - but that would mean intervening, it would mean either re-going to his doc and me going with him or me seeing his doc (unless desperate the latter I wouldn't consider an option).
At the moment I figure to wait and do nothing except watch and see.
I'm 70% sure I could get it moved forward by actually saying WHY - but that would mean intervening, it would mean either re-going to his doc and me going with him or me seeing his doc (unless desperate the latter I wouldn't consider an option).
At the moment I figure to wait and do nothing except watch and see.
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I'm really trying to discipline myself to concentrate on the positives. He sent me (get this!!) 'Draft I' for his cost benefit analysis and told me it set him thinking so he'll work on 'Draft II'!! It was written like a CV - nuts, bolts and zero description .....but... instead of picking holes I found the two tiny descriptions within it and said how good it was to see them, and I commented it was nice that he sent it to me, and that I hoped it had helped him!
When he rang about the docs my first internal response was 'they aren't going to hurry anything along unless you tell them why' .....but... instead I concentrated on him having booked and gone so soon, having braved someone new and asked his question.
I find all of the above easier and easier to come to terms with, I worry less that it will be permenant and it no longer confuses me that D is the same person who understood how the sun could burn in space with no air when he was 5.
He has a belief about knowledge - that unless you can express it and pass on the understanding then it's unlikely you understand it yourself. With science, history, mathematics, and philosophical logic he tests his understanding by his ability to express himself. I suggested to him today that maybe the same applies to his understanding of what's happening to him now - that if he can develop his ability to express some of it so that another person can understand maybe he will understand more too. He liked that idea - he said it was very sound logic!
When he rang about the docs my first internal response was 'they aren't going to hurry anything along unless you tell them why' .....but... instead I concentrated on him having booked and gone so soon, having braved someone new and asked his question.
I find all of the above easier and easier to come to terms with, I worry less that it will be permenant and it no longer confuses me that D is the same person who understood how the sun could burn in space with no air when he was 5.
He has a belief about knowledge - that unless you can express it and pass on the understanding then it's unlikely you understand it yourself. With science, history, mathematics, and philosophical logic he tests his understanding by his ability to express himself. I suggested to him today that maybe the same applies to his understanding of what's happening to him now - that if he can develop his ability to express some of it so that another person can understand maybe he will understand more too. He liked that idea - he said it was very sound logic!
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Originally Posted by minnie
E, I hope you don't mind me asking this question, but Is D an emotional person? Does he "do" feelings?
People love him to bits but that never seems to sink in with him. He's so fearful but as soon as he trusts someone he does it completely (it's like watching someone ride a bike downhill with no breaks - I have my eyes shut hoping he doesn't get slapped!). He was so proud of his bosses, he trusted them enough to tell them about the depression and panic - but they sacked him.
He says he just doesn't understand people, then he gets frustrated and angry at himself. It works between us because he asks me and I just tell him - I've never minded him asking me.
He's not short on emotion in any way shape or form but I don't think he understands it.
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Cool. I hope that didn't come across as insulting - it's just that sometimes your descriptions of him tend towards the logical and analytical. I'm not sure that the solutions to the problems of the mind lie in logic and analysis, but rather on perception and feeling. Then again, I might be talking bollax.
Well done on keeping your hands off, disappointing and frustrating though it might be.
Well done on keeping your hands off, disappointing and frustrating though it might be.
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Not at all Minnie... There's a whopping great difference between a question and a statement, one gives the dignity of waiting for an answer and the other doesn't.
Actually it made me think lots - he does find it hard to get what other people are feeling, which is why he asks me alot. When he does get it he's not that good at guessing why and sometimes comes up with very odd connections. I don't think he understands his own feelings all that well and I think you're right that some of that is because it isn't his natural strength. But he isn't cold - if anything he tends to be more on the emotional side - I would say almost over emotional but I don't mean it as something wrong, I hate that being used as a criticism.
Actually it made me think lots - he does find it hard to get what other people are feeling, which is why he asks me alot. When he does get it he's not that good at guessing why and sometimes comes up with very odd connections. I don't think he understands his own feelings all that well and I think you're right that some of that is because it isn't his natural strength. But he isn't cold - if anything he tends to be more on the emotional side - I would say almost over emotional but I don't mean it as something wrong, I hate that being used as a criticism.
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