reader

Equus thread about telling friends about your soberity got me to thinking. My husband has been in recovery about 2 months. I'm happy about it no doubt. It has been a quiet and kinda lonely summer. We have avoided barbecues and dinner parties. All of his friends drink though they are aware he isn't. He was unsure of weather we should attend these function. I thought we should play it safe. Question : When does it get easier to be around people drinking. I don't want to push if it would hamper his recovery. I have attended some things by myself. Its always all couples. Any ideas! Kerry

saintintx

If he was on medication that would keep him from drinking, would his friends have a problem with it? Do they have a similar problem, or are they 'social drinkers'?

My ABF family are 'social' drinkers and at first they were self conscious about serving wine with dinner, etc. but he assured them that he was ok with it (and I think he really is.. he wasn't a big wine drinker in the first place. His DOC was bourbon). It has not been a problem for him. I have chosen not to drink when I am with him, just because I am not comfortable with it yet. Although he as told me I can have a glass of wine with dinner anytime I want and it wouldn't bother him.

That choice has to be his and how comfortable he is with alcohol around him and his choice not to drink.

equus

Well, yesterday was the first day HE told our friends and last night we watched a movie together and they drank juice with us.

But he also has said he doesn't mind if they drink - although it does make it harder for him. I've suggested he lets theem be helpful in these early days because they want to be, ultimately that will be down to him. He's just starting out and I'm sure he'll make mistakes (spoiling a night just craving booze or even drinking) but I'm also sure they will be easier to get over within a supportive network. The friends he has told so far are very good friends and to be honest we struggled in October when he tried to stop but they weren't fully included in the picture. He did isolate then but wouldn't say anything about it being too hard, he just isloted.

CarolD

Is your husband in AA? Our Big Book addresses this situation in detail several times. The last paragraph on Page 43 sums it up for me.

I make no secret of my recovery. Friends knew me as a drunk..why not let them know me sober?

Alcoholism is a disease...the old incorrect social stigma will never lift if we in recovery hide.

Just my thoughts... ask your husband what he thinks.

Guardian

Hi reader,

This was a big topic when my AW got sober (a year ago today!!!), and the people closest to us that knew our situation (my parents, mostly) didn't know what they should or should not do around her. At holiday barbecues and such, they even went so far as to try to "hide" it from her if they wanted to have a beer.
She and I go to an open AA meeting every week, and she (and subsequently, I) learned that part of recovery is learning to "live life on life's terms," meaning the alcoholic cannot expect the rest of the world to change the way they live simply because they have a disease. After we explained it to them, they understood.
I think each recovering alcoholic is different when it comes to being around alcohol in social situations. The concesus among our groups here seems to be that if the alcoholic is "spiritually fit" from working their program, then it shouldn't bother them to be around it, but it's best not to put themselves in that situation if it can be avoided.
My wife and I handle these situations in one of two ways: If she doesn't feel up to it, I go alone or we find something else to do - If we do decide to attend, she knows that all she has to do is tell me she's uncomfortable and we're out the door. That's the key - if she feels she needs to leave, we leave. No questions asked. She's told me that really takes the pressure and anxiety off of her to know we're a team.
Hope this helps, and congratulations to both of you in your recovery!