Husband Started Rehab
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
Husband Started Rehab
I wanted to post this here too along with the Alcoholism board...sorry if you guys read both boards. Through the years this board has given me much hope and support, so I wanted to share my update briefly....
That's right, he started in an inpatient rehab facility last week and I am so very proud of him for making the decision to go. He has been living at his, ahem, "Friends" house for the past 6+ months. We would still usually talk daily as long as SHE wasn't around or as long as I was not in a stage of Ignoring him. So I finally got up the nerve to give him divorce papers which I prepared with a do it yourself kit. He freaked. Promised he would stop drinking, stop seeing her and get his stuff together. That was in the end of May and lasted for all of two weeks before he got drunk one night and ended up back with the Friend.
So here it is 2 months later and he made the decision last Sunday to go to a place we had discussed previously. He asked me to make the arrangements on Sunday for him to leave on Wednesday. I thought for sure that he would back out, but he didn't. He told me and our 5 year old daughter that, "Daddy is going to Florida to get better so that I can be with you and Mommy again." That broke my heart and I want so badly to believe it. He's been there 5 days now & has his ups & downs. One day he is really positive and the next he hates the place, but he has never mentioned that he wants to leave. He plans to stick it out at least for 14 days if not longer.
I got a phone call yesterday from our old neighbor who said that he called her the day he was leaving. He told her that I was really done this time and that he had to prove it me that he could do it without the alcohol. That he didn't want to lose me or our daughter. He also asked her & her husband to make sure and check up on "my girls." Another tear joker for me.
So why am I typing this here?
1) I guess to give all of the Friends and Family members a sense of hope. That even after 3 years people do finally see the light, but only in his own time. No matter what I begged and pleaded with him about before mattered until he was ready to face it.
2) To ask those of you in recovery, how many of you have come back from rehab and totally changed the life you were living before you went in. I am really afraid that I am counting on him to come back and want to work on our family life, but I think that will interfere too much with his personal recovery. But at the same time, I need to know where I stand too. I have been waiting for this man to come out of his fog for 3 years. I have to know he will not go back to the other woman and that his recovery is most important to him. How much can I say without being too big of nag when he just comes out?
Thank you all in advance for your comments, they are greatly appreciated!
That's right, he started in an inpatient rehab facility last week and I am so very proud of him for making the decision to go. He has been living at his, ahem, "Friends" house for the past 6+ months. We would still usually talk daily as long as SHE wasn't around or as long as I was not in a stage of Ignoring him. So I finally got up the nerve to give him divorce papers which I prepared with a do it yourself kit. He freaked. Promised he would stop drinking, stop seeing her and get his stuff together. That was in the end of May and lasted for all of two weeks before he got drunk one night and ended up back with the Friend.
So here it is 2 months later and he made the decision last Sunday to go to a place we had discussed previously. He asked me to make the arrangements on Sunday for him to leave on Wednesday. I thought for sure that he would back out, but he didn't. He told me and our 5 year old daughter that, "Daddy is going to Florida to get better so that I can be with you and Mommy again." That broke my heart and I want so badly to believe it. He's been there 5 days now & has his ups & downs. One day he is really positive and the next he hates the place, but he has never mentioned that he wants to leave. He plans to stick it out at least for 14 days if not longer.
I got a phone call yesterday from our old neighbor who said that he called her the day he was leaving. He told her that I was really done this time and that he had to prove it me that he could do it without the alcohol. That he didn't want to lose me or our daughter. He also asked her & her husband to make sure and check up on "my girls." Another tear joker for me.
So why am I typing this here?
1) I guess to give all of the Friends and Family members a sense of hope. That even after 3 years people do finally see the light, but only in his own time. No matter what I begged and pleaded with him about before mattered until he was ready to face it.
2) To ask those of you in recovery, how many of you have come back from rehab and totally changed the life you were living before you went in. I am really afraid that I am counting on him to come back and want to work on our family life, but I think that will interfere too much with his personal recovery. But at the same time, I need to know where I stand too. I have been waiting for this man to come out of his fog for 3 years. I have to know he will not go back to the other woman and that his recovery is most important to him. How much can I say without being too big of nag when he just comes out?
Thank you all in advance for your comments, they are greatly appreciated!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cordova, TN
Posts: 4
Hello,
I really don't know any answers to your questions. I just wanted to share with you my story. My husband checked himself into rehab and spent 10 days...pretty much to get throught the detox. This is after I asked him to leave. It was very hard..we have a three month old, but I had to do what was best for us. He was stealing money from me...so our bills weren't getting paid. He has put us in a HUGE financial problem. But, he is out of rehab and I really think it has helped him. I know he isn't WELL, but it is a start. He sees what he has done to his family and what he has caused. He is back at the house with us, but we are in seperate rooms. He is still working on himself and trying to fix some of the financial problems he caused. Once this is back on a somewhat normal track, we will start working on our relationship. I have high hopes though...I really want my husband back. I am going to start going to Alanon meetings and he is going to AA meetings...they happen to be on the same night and same times and offer child care. Hang in there..I hope everything goes great with you.
I really don't know any answers to your questions. I just wanted to share with you my story. My husband checked himself into rehab and spent 10 days...pretty much to get throught the detox. This is after I asked him to leave. It was very hard..we have a three month old, but I had to do what was best for us. He was stealing money from me...so our bills weren't getting paid. He has put us in a HUGE financial problem. But, he is out of rehab and I really think it has helped him. I know he isn't WELL, but it is a start. He sees what he has done to his family and what he has caused. He is back at the house with us, but we are in seperate rooms. He is still working on himself and trying to fix some of the financial problems he caused. Once this is back on a somewhat normal track, we will start working on our relationship. I have high hopes though...I really want my husband back. I am going to start going to Alanon meetings and he is going to AA meetings...they happen to be on the same night and same times and offer child care. Hang in there..I hope everything goes great with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hi Leem,
My xabf went into a "rehab" (it's the craziest rehab I've ever seen. They have almost no rules whatsoever. Patients can leave in their own cars with each other for up to 3 hours, can have cell phones, no curfews. Can call up and order pizzas delivered to their dorm room. Success rate is really low there. I pray your AH's rehab is alot better than this one.) over 3 weeks ago and he's getting out this Friday.
He's called me while in there and has been REALLY angry. So much so, that I've had to put a R O on him. I did go visit him about two weeks ago on a Sat. and he looked really bad. He tried really hard to make it sound like he was "becoming a better man", but I've learned to watch and make sure the words match the actions.
His counselor told his sister that he's made "some progress". He's never been in a 30 day rehab before. AA, alcohol classes and such (and has relapsed every time), but he still is lying while in there and placing blame and those are two signs that he's not coming clean with his own self. That has to take place before recovery begins.
I was a drinker and in order for me to quit, I had to literally lose all my self will and give it up. I don't believe xabf has done that, not yet.
BUT, on the positive side........I have known of people going to rehab because their spouse has said "that's it" and set boundaries and they've gone and gotten sober. It was hard work for them because these were drinkers that had drank for more than 20 years, but they did it, regardless.
It's definetly a one day at a time, thing. Encourage him and pray. There's always hope.
My prayers are with you and your family!
((hugs))
My xabf went into a "rehab" (it's the craziest rehab I've ever seen. They have almost no rules whatsoever. Patients can leave in their own cars with each other for up to 3 hours, can have cell phones, no curfews. Can call up and order pizzas delivered to their dorm room. Success rate is really low there. I pray your AH's rehab is alot better than this one.) over 3 weeks ago and he's getting out this Friday.
He's called me while in there and has been REALLY angry. So much so, that I've had to put a R O on him. I did go visit him about two weeks ago on a Sat. and he looked really bad. He tried really hard to make it sound like he was "becoming a better man", but I've learned to watch and make sure the words match the actions.
His counselor told his sister that he's made "some progress". He's never been in a 30 day rehab before. AA, alcohol classes and such (and has relapsed every time), but he still is lying while in there and placing blame and those are two signs that he's not coming clean with his own self. That has to take place before recovery begins.
I was a drinker and in order for me to quit, I had to literally lose all my self will and give it up. I don't believe xabf has done that, not yet.
BUT, on the positive side........I have known of people going to rehab because their spouse has said "that's it" and set boundaries and they've gone and gotten sober. It was hard work for them because these were drinkers that had drank for more than 20 years, but they did it, regardless.
It's definetly a one day at a time, thing. Encourage him and pray. There's always hope.
My prayers are with you and your family!
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
Well I wouldn't get my hopes up. I think you need to rethink why you would even want to get back with an alcoholic who was living with the other woman. My advice-tell him to contact you when he has his one year chip and there is no other woman. My husband never cheated while drinking - he had his affair with a woman in the program. Alcoholics rarely recover enough to give their spouse what they deserve- a life with a man who puts them first. If it is not the booze- then the people in the program will come before you. It took me 20 years living with a sober alcoholic to realize -they dance to a different drummer- and their 12 step thinking seems askew to the normal person. dax
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
