GettingBy

B and I have had several discussions about his drinking. He's readily admitted (on his own accord) that he feels he has a drinking problem, but he's also stated that he wants to deal with it on his own. I have no problems respecting that, and keeping my nose in my own business. I won't say a word to him, and I'm letting him be an adult (what a change from 6-7 months ago! ).<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

Things have been "strained" for at least the past 2 months. We tried counseling, and it seemed to help for a bit. He doesn't want to keep going though. We tried a new budget b/c his complaint was that his needs weren't being met by the old budget. We've tried having "date nights", that lasted 2 weeks because he thought it was stupid. I've been working really hard on focusing on me, and I have to admit, I'm damn proud of how far I've come. I actually see my husband as an individual, who has a right to live his own dang life! And more importantly, I have my identity back and I'm getting back to taking care of me, and keeping myself as Numero Uno. <o:p></o:p>

B's drinking is increasing in frequency again. He's hanging out in our barn more. Not coming home again after work. All that is nothing new. However, he's now getting very agitated with me. Calling me names. Cursing for no apparent reason (other than the fact that he's obviously frustrated). I've talked to him about the way he's talking, told him that I would not respond when he speaks to me that way. I don't care how angry or frustrated with me his is, it doesn't justify being disrespectful. <o:p></o:p>

I see it coming. He's building towards another week long bender. It's a like a freight train with it's horn blowing, only he can't hear it, or maybe he choices to ignore it. I know I can't say a word, though I"d love to scream, "LOOK OUT! It's right behind you again!" I have to detach, and keep on keeping on, but it's hard. It's wearing a big hole in my heart and in our marriage. I find myself wondering, "How much longer can my little heart keep ticking like this?" <o:p></o:p>

I know God is watching me, and guiding me, and that I will get through this... but it still hurts alot. I wouldn't be where I am today without SR. I really need the care and support of this community. Now more than ever. <o:p></o:p>

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Thanks for listening,<o:p></o:p>
Shannon</FONT><o:p></o:p>

Soul Catcher

What don't kill us makes us stronger.....be careful on that one!! lol I haven't read any of your other posts as yet but I know how your heart is feeling. It's hard to turn your back on someone. It's also hard to stand face to face with someone when they are verbally abusing you and emotionally abusing you. The hard part is always wondering does he mean what he say's? So for what life you have left you ponder the things he's said and done to you. Alot of people recommend getting yourself out of it because it wears on your soul. You can't help but to rethink about things that go on and have gone on. He is a big boy, but he will continue to drink and call you names if you LET him. You ARE stronger then he is that is a fact! You have clear thoughts, not him. IF this is the only life you have please don't waste it like this... find happiness somehow...someway... just find it. Don't let him stop you. I'll promise if you will.

SexySadie

I started reading Courage to Change last night. Read over half the book. The inspiration alone was worth staying up and reading. It gave so much insight and thoughts. If you feel a binge is coming on...could you just leave during the duration so that you are not there. Is there anything else you could be doing instead of being there and witnessing it?

KATIE77

Concetrating on you is a good start!! Well done!! It seems to me you are trying so hard to "save" your relationship, he seems to be making little effort. Please concentrate on looking after yourself. If there is one thing I have learnt it is that only we are responsible for ourselves- nobody else. have you read the Melody Beatty book?
((Big hugs))

GettingBy

Therein lies my biggest fear. I have put so much into wanting to keep this marriage going. I love him, I truly do, and I took the "in sickness, and in health" vow very seriously.

I know that the quick and easy answer is to leave him and move on, but I'm not ready to give up. Separating myself from him while he's on in binge is not an issue for me... I have NO PROBLEM walking away! LOL! Who would want to be there to witness their loved one self-destruct? There was a time when I would have wanted to be there to monitor/self-medicate, but I've learned that doing that hurts both of us more than it's worth. That said, it still hurts like hell to watch them slide down the slippery slope.

There is the answer, but here's another question... (any insight is REALLY appreciated!)...

How much can you focus on yourself before you stop even seeing them? I fear there will come a day when I'm so self-focused that I'll stop doing things with him and we'll eventuallly grow completely apart. I guess that's when "Enough is enough", isn't it?

Thanks for all the thoughts!
Shannon

GettingBy

Gianna,

I really needed to hear that. I was in tears by the time I got to the end. Thank you so much for caring enough to take the time.
Exactly. He's noticing, and that I think is really triggering most of his frustration and anger.
I really want him to be part of the "some do"...
either way... life keeps on going for me. I had myself a really good cry in the shower last night. I prayed out loud to God, asking him to keep guiding me along my path. Told him that I'm hurting but I will not give up. All the answers come in time, I just have to keep trusting the process.

Thanks again,
Shannon