spun_8_ball

i have been sober of tweak since around december time.. i know good for me.. but why is it that everytime i get really aggrivated or pissed off i feel like doing a line.. but when im happy i dont even think about that ****

eddie z.

It could be because you're an addict, in which case it's perfectly "normal" to want to use to deal with negative emotions. Here, read this:Am I an Addict? If you think it may apply, then find yourself an NA meeting and check it out, OK? Heck, you may want to check out a meeting anyway! Best wishes and CONRATULATIONS on (about) six months!!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

hopealwayz

It's natural to want to escape any kind of bad feelings. Ironically, it is an invitation to even more bad feelings. So, using is nothing but a dead end. Literally.

sumtimes slowly

Hi Spun,

As a former binger, my primary reason for using (then abusing) was as a coping tool. Of course, I didn't exactly do positive emotions that well either. Tweaking used to be an effective tool for simply turning off feelings I didn't want to feel, but of course it turned on me.

For some time now, I've practiced "atypical" behavior by not using the old coping tools (I leave them outside in the rain to rust) and by using the new ones (which were very unfamiliar and awkward at first). It gave me what I was looking for at the end of the straw or the pipe.

For me, my program is for that 1 day out of 10 (or those occasional bumps in the road) that I would go back to the old behavior if not for the program. It especially counts when it gets tough. That's why I work it daily--so I don't have to fear tomorrow.

You're a miracle, believe it.

Sumtimes slowly

roadie58

That's probably the reason for my constant relapse between 60-90 days. Something always comes up, or down, I forget my addiction, and think, ahhh a little won't hurt. Unfortunately there is no such thing as a little and a week long binge usually ensues with drinking, work avoidance, etc. They do get worse and worse and are slowly killing me. It takes quite a bit of time to get healthy again and in my situation it's a slow backslide. Got to quit FOR GOOD.

eddie z.

That's another reason we have to work a program on a DAILY basis.

((((roadie)))) ((((spun 8 ball))))

Love and hugs,
Eddie

eddie z.

((((sumtimes slowly)))),
WELCOME to SR, and thanks for sharing!!

L&H,
ez

spun_8_ball

i know i dont want to ever do it again because i ****** my llife up good but these urges got to stop.. will they ever..

thanks for all your reponses

eddie z.

They should become less intense, fewer, and further between over time. It helps to tell someone you're having them, which you've done here. Keep up the good work!

Love and s,
Eddie

sumtimes slowly

That's right, after I was done, and I was working steps which I got on pretty quick. I was told I'd feel like part of the inner circle (that I had always felt outside of) after rigorously working steps 1-9 and that my cravings would go away.

This turned out to be true. It sure helped that I had a strong fellowship to fall back on, a sponsor to answer to twice a day, knowledge of the Big book (or CA has got their green book).

If I started romancing the drug, I would play those olds tapes mentally and fast-forward to the end. Eventually, there was nothing but pain on the tape and I lost interest in the old tapes.

Hi and thanks to all for my sobriety.

sumtimes slowly

roadie58

My workshop guys are SO STRONG. They told me to make my bed this morning, say a pray and read my 24 hour book before doing anything. Then I'm going to clean my house (both the real and figurative house).

Got to WORK it to get better. At least in my case YMMV.

eddie z.

spun_8_ball??

How you doin'?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Chy

We get so good at using the only thing we know and have trained ourselves to do when mad, angry, sad, pissed off. It's always been a good enough excuse in the past to use. Now clean we have to look for new avenues of releasing those emotions that cause us stress. Have you tried NA? Meetings are a good way and a safe place to get it out. Finding a means of support for moments like this works wonders.

ButterflyChaser

because you're an addict & that's what addicts do! (or should I say "think")

klegrand

Spun, It may take sometime, but as an ex tweeker I can tell you it WILL get better and easier and it is SOOOOOOOOOO VERY VERY worth it. I can't stress that enough. Don't give in....
6 months is WONDERFUL and it only gets easier.

spun_8_ball

i am doing alright but just over the last weekend to ease evrything i did a line of coke..
which wasnt good at all i feel horrible and hope that my boyfriend doesnt find out
or he will break up with me
well that what he said

sumtimes slowly

I am no longer powerless over coke today, because I don't have any in me. That's helps a lot with the allergy of the body. But that wasn't going to last long because of the obsession of the mind. I dealt with that (after short-term detox in my case) by going to meetings, staying away from stinking thinking, hanging out with the winners, someone who had what I wanted.

I had to act my way into the right thinking not the other way around. Somehow I obtained the strength and resolve from my HP. My life had become unmanageable and I felt powerless.

I took many years and attempts to get lasting sobriety. That resulted from doing the basic things specified in the book, the fellowship and from my sponsor.

Honesty, Openmindedness and Wllingness, that's how.

One line is too many and a thousand never enough.

Keep us in the know on your progress, Spun. I want you to succeed.

I found my HP in the one place i had not looked: in my heat.

Thanks for my sobriety,

sumtimes slowly

eddie z.

ButterflyChaser, LOVE the new avatar!!

((((spun_8_ball))))
Sounds like it back-fired, huh? Please try an NA meeting soon, OK?
Love and hugs,
Eddie

sumtimes slowly

In my heart! I found my higher power in my heart. (Sorry, bad place for a typo. heat...good grief)

I also got tired of starting to cross the same bridge over and over again. I'd get about half way and turn around (right in the middle of hell). But there's only one bridge! I looked everywhere for another one. Everything I wanted (sobriety, serenity, happiness, life) was on the other side of the bridge but I'd have to go through hell to get there. And when I finally did make it across to the otherside (courtesy of a 12-step program), I knew I'd never have to go back.

Be good to yourself spun

sumtimes slowly

eddie z.

I knew what you meant, ss, but I got a good laugh anyway. Thanks for sharing again!

Love and hugs,
Eddie